When a teenager is caught shoplifting, parents find themselves in quite the predicament. Long gone are the days of dragging an eight-year-old back to the corner store to return the pack of gum they stole. That used to be a simple way to “teach a lesson.” However, taking a teenager back to the store to return stolen merchandise could lead to prosecution, a criminal record, and in some cases, even jail time. As much as parents want to teach their children right from wrong, they also don’t want to put them in harm’s way.
Recognizing the Signs of Shoplifting
The signs of shoplifting are fairly obvious, but unfortunately, the teenager has likely been practicing for a while before a parent catches on. Without an actual admission, parents are left to figure out where all the new “purchases” have come from and how their teen managed to “buy” them. Most teens start off by stealing small, easily concealed items that are simple to hide from questioning parents. As their confidence grows, they begin to shoplift larger, more expensive items that are harder to hide. Parents, on the other hand, are often quick to believe that the new necklace their son gave his girlfriend was on sale, or that the new CDs showing up are just “gifts” from a friend. It can take a savvy parent to realize their child is turning into a thief—unless, of course, the child gets caught.
Let’s look at how to confront a teenager who is shoplifting. Teenagers who shoplift typically have, or can acquire, the necessary funds to purchase the items they want. Shoplifting is thrilling for them; it’s a daring flirtation with the “cool outlaw” side of life that they are curious about. Shoplifting proves to their friends that they are brave and smart. Over 80% of teenage shoplifters come from affluent homes. They already know that shoplifting is wrong, and they can’t use the excuse that there is never enough money to go around. Therefore, teenagers are less likely to admit their behavior when questioned. Parents may hesitate to accuse their children because they don’t want them to feel mistrusted. However, if the signs of shoplifting are evident, it’s better to address the issue directly, stating that you know what’s going on, and that you need to have a serious conversation and discuss appropriate consequences.
Unfortunately, most parents don’t realize their teenager is shoplifting until after the child has been caught, and the parent receives that terrible phone call from the police station. This is undoubtedly a tough moment for any parent, but the more control you can maintain over your emotions, the better. The priority is finding the best solution to the problem until your child is home and back under your care. In most first-offense cases, teenagers are permitted to return home until a hearing can be scheduled. However, if the child has a prior record or if the stolen item was of considerable value, they may spend some time in either a juvenile or adult facility. Laws vary by state, but generally, children under the age of eighteen are not placed with adult offenders, although this is not always the case.
For most kids, a short stay in a detention center—or even the threat of it—is enough to prevent further theft. However, some teenagers already on a dangerous path of criminal behavior, or those stealing to fund drug or alcohol use, may not be deterred by a single offense.
Addressing the Issue with Your Teen
What should a parent say to a child who has been caught shoplifting? First, finding out the reason is crucial. Make it clear to the teenager that no matter the reason, it’s time to come clean, and that the consequences for their behavior won’t change. It’s important to avoid making statements that confuse who they are with the behavior. There’s a huge difference between saying, “That was dumb,” and saying, “How could you be so stupid?” The first statement refers to the behavior, while the second implies that the child is the behavior. And teenagers are listening.
It’s important that the punishment fits the crime. If legal consequences are involved, this is a difficult but necessary part of learning that theft has a process the system follows. The legal system doesn’t care who you are; it simply looks at the behavior.
Communication plays a vital role in the process. When your teenager is shoplifting, there is a lot to discuss—whether or not they are interested in talking. Preventing criminal and risky behaviors starts with parents who are willing to speak up and listen. A teenager who shoplifts is likely engaging in other risky behaviors. Whether they are doing it for fun or have a deeper problem, ignoring the issue won’t change their actions.
Some parents advocate for jail time as a consequence for criminal behavior, while others will do anything to keep their child out of jail. Ultimately, it’s a decision only a parent who knows their child well can make. There has to be discipline, and there has to be communication. Without both, your child is likely to make poor decisions again.
