No Cell Phones at the Dinner Table

How many times have you been to a family restaurant only to see a happy foursome ordering appetizers and entrees, with their noses buried deep in their phones? Here they are, out on a Saturday night to spend time as a family—and yet, each one of them is involved in self-absorbed socializing, ensuring they don’t miss a beat with friends and co-workers. It’s a sad and pretty pathetic sight, and the truth is, it’s more common today than ever before. Even though families are super busy and entrenched in a “pass and repass” life that keeps them from truly connecting, when they are together—they somehow aren’t! It almost makes you wish law enforcement and judicial hubs would work to push authorities to create a law that states, “No cell phones at the dinner table,” with the same energy they have for texting and driving laws.

The sad truth is that, on some level, cell phones at the dinner table are likely just as dangerous as they are when used while driving. In a twisted turn of events, technology meant to keep people connected has actually been counterproductive and often keeps families apart rather than together. If the family connection gets lost among Facebook, and if parents forget how to speak to their children and instead text them, what kind of world will we have left?

The Disconnected Family: A Modern Dilemma

Parents complain all the time that life has become so fast-paced they don’t get enough time with their children. Yet, the fragile moments they do spend together—whether in car pools or eating at a restaurant—are spent communicating with other people. While it’s nothing new for pre-teens and teens to want to connect with their friends instead of their parents, the age of “disconnect” is getting younger than ever. A recent technology poll stated that around half of all children aged 9 already have cell phones—and Facebook accounts, despite the fact that you’re supposed to be 13 to set up an account. With all of these social connections synced into a cell phone, the phone becomes an escape for children, allowing them to leave their families even when they are physically together.

Gone are the days of making the kids sit in the back of a minivan, listening to old renditions of Grease or Barry Manilow records. Now, kids sit happily tuned into their iPods, cell phones, or other media devices with headphones, so they don’t disturb one another. Instead of sharing to bridge the generational gap and putting the kids through ‘embarrassing’ and outdated methods of being together, we’re separating. Also gone are the days of the family dinner, where family members would gather around a table for a meal and engage in real conversations.

Even worse is that it’s not just kids to blame. Parents, too, are so connected to emails that they literally jump out of their skin to answer a ringing cell phone or Blackberry. They, too, sit at the dinner table, in car pools, or in restaurants, completely connected to everyone else except the people they’re physically with. Important conversations are put on hold because adults have forgotten that it’s rude to answer the phone during dinner or while in conversation. But they can’t help themselves, and so they lead by example—teaching their children to do the same.

Interesting studies have shown that toddlers often feel threatened by the perceived threat of mom and dad’s computer or cell phone. Perhaps that’s why so many children end up in toilets, with frustrated three-year-olds trying to quickly outdo the new brand of sibling rivalry. Think about it—could this theory really be that far-fetched?

Years ago, dinnertime was sacred. You didn’t visit other families, friends, or neighbors during dinnertime. Remember the busy single parent? That meant the family was eating dinner together. As a family. The television was turned off, and the conversations—although often boring, tedious, and even unbearable (especially for teens)—were a sacred family event. Today, fewer than half of all families eat together three times a week. And when they do, the rules of yesterday, based on simple etiquette and manners, seem to have been banished.

Maybe, just maybe, it would be worthwhile to return to the days of Leave It to Beaver and enforce a rule in your home that says cell phones are not welcome at the dinner table. Perhaps turning off the cell phones, computers, and personal devices—those things that disconnect us from the ones we love the most—could be the first step in reasserting the importance of family. This could help ensure that our children don’t forget the value of family time. While it may not be the 1950s anymore, statistics seem to indicate that older generations might still have a lot to teach us about family values and love.