It is a beautiful night on a sandy beach. You are vacationing with friends, and the night before you leave, you meet him or her. You may not be sure if it’s the margarita or the essence of vacation that makes you feel so carefree and excited, but either way, it doesn’t matter. The result is a one-night stand that may live on in your memory forever. This memory can be laden with guilt, or it may cause you to form that quizzical smile of mischief — one that’s just for you to remember. The question, of course, is: Are they right? Is a one-night stand morally acceptable? Should you even think about or engage in one? By most standards, the answer is an emphatic “no.” One-night stands are often seen as wrong, bad for the soul, and can lead to nothing but trouble, leaving a permanent mark on your self-respect. Yet, interestingly enough, more people have had them than not. The regret ratio might even fall somewhere in the 50-50 range.
Understanding the Nature of One-Night Stands
While it’s often not considered acceptable to actively seek out one-night stands, the truth is they do happen. Humans, by nature, are creatures of chemistry and energy — both of which can sometimes override upbringing and morality. People who only engage in one-night stands may need to seek psychological help, but for those who have experienced blissful encounters without expectations, it’s clear that sometimes these moments are the perfect mix of passion that keeps life exciting. A one-night stand can include a romantic evening filled with amazing sex, or it can be a fleeting moment with a stranger dancing too close in a bar, kissing them passionately without ever asking their name. What determines whether they are “right” or “wrong” is a mixture of your intentions, your honesty, and how YOU feel about YOU afterward.
Kenny Chesney sings about a one-night stand in his song, saying, “We both said I love you, but knew it wasn’t true!” In that moment, however, the passion you feel may seem like love. It may not be the love that suggests a long-term future, but in the heat of the moment, it feels like truth. One of the good things about a one-night stand is that, for that brief moment, you’re with someone who has no expectations of you. They won’t judge you or be angry with you. They act purely out of the raw, unfiltered emotion that humans are naturally capable of. For someone to say that this emotion is wrong would be impossible. Yes, there may be consequences, and it can stretch the boundaries of what we consider sexual encounters, but when two people share matching intentions and integrity — including protection and honesty — the experience can shape many aspects of your life.
Most people have had relationships where only one element of attraction was present. You might love the sexual chemistry with your significant other but find you have nothing to talk about. On the other hand, you may consider your partner your best friend, but feel unfulfilled in the physical aspect of your relationship. For many, they settle for whichever aspect is more important and hope the other will develop. In a one-night stand, there’s no settling, and there’s no fear of a breakup or heartbreak — at least, if you’re being honest. For a one-night stand to work, both people must be explicit about their intentions. There are men and women who don’t believe in one-night stands, and for those on the receiving end, it can sometimes destroy their self-worth. But one key element of a one-night stand is the lack of deep, personal communication. Don’t misunderstand — some one-night stands involve meeting a stranger who, in that moment, may feel like your soulmate, even without sexual chemistry. However, this brief encounter shouldn’t become the foundation on which you build your emotional future.
Many people will look down on those who’ve had one-night stands, which is one reason why so many people hide them. Obviously, if you’re already in a relationship and seek out one-night stands, you’ve broken the trust of intention and honesty. But for those who are single and living on the cusp of finding a soulmate, a few one-night stands sprinkled throughout your dating history can help you figure out what you really want in a partner. It’s crucial, of course, to be safe in a world where sexual diseases are a reality. You also need to ensure that neither you nor the other person is deceiving themselves. Before you embark on a one-night stand, you must have a clear understanding of who you are as a person. If you can treat it as a fleeting experience — a moment in time that remains flexible and isn’t something you cling to emotionally — then by all means, don’t hold back. However, if you are conflicted morally about the impact of a one-night stand and believe it will lead to personal distress, it’s best to avoid such situations. One thing is for sure: very few people who have one-night stands plan them. It’s this spontaneous, “fly by the seat of your pants” sense of adventure and exploration that can help you discover who you are, what you want, and where the future may take you. Certainly, one-night stands shouldn’t become habitual, but in this situation, it’s important to remember that saying “never” isn’t always the wisest choice.
