Marriage changes everything. One of the most noticeable changes is the impact it has on your relationships with others. Sure, the changes within your marriage are obvious, but what about your relationships outside of it? Think about that friend you’ve had since high school, the one you promised to name your child after and vowed to live next to forever—where is she now? And that boss you despised? Somehow, they’ve become ‘manageable’ since you started raising a family. It’s amazing how things can change, yet stay the same.
How Marriage and Parenthood Affect Friendships
Consider your relationships before marriage and children, particularly with your in-laws. They may not have been your biggest fans at first. Maybe they didn’t approve of you sleeping in the same bed or living together before marriage. But then you get married and desire more autonomy from them. In fact, young married couples often find that the hardest relationship to change is the one between them and their parents. For women, this can be especially difficult on both sides. Many mothers feel threatened by their son’s wife, while the wife may feel undermined by her mother-in-law. And what happens to “daddy’s little girl” when a new man enters her life? These challenges can strain not only the individuals involved but also the marriage itself. Learning how to navigate these relationships, set boundaries, and establish autonomy is crucial to a happy marriage, though it often takes time and effort.
Now, think about your friendships. Despite what your single friends warned you about marriage, you went ahead and took the plunge. “It won’t change me,” you thought. But when your friends invite you to a bar or a trip to Las Vegas, you realize it has. It’s fine to remain friends with them, but the reality is that single and married people often frequent different places. Going to a nightclub or taking a wild vacation without your spouse may feel uncomfortable, as it’s often frowned upon. Furthermore, your single friends and those without children are on a different schedule and have different priorities than you. This doesn’t mean your friendship is over, but it can make things a bit more challenging.
The Transition to Parenthood and Changing Friendships
One of the most significant changes happens when a woman has a baby. If she’s the only one of her friends who is married with children, she might feel excluded from the social scene. Although her friends may adore her baby, they’re unlikely to invite her to movies or dinner dates with an infant in tow. On the other hand, many new moms seek friendships with other moms, but these relationships can be challenging as well. As time passes, you may also find yourself befriending your child’s friends’ parents. This happens out of convenience, as you often have more in common with them. However, these are not always people you would naturally be friends with, and you may find yourself longing for your old friendships.
Changing Relationships with Co-Workers and Partners
Another relationship that evolves is the one with your co-workers. As your personal life changes, so too can your professional relationships. But the most significant change occurs between you and your partner. Before marriage and kids, you could focus entirely on each other. Then, after marriage, you begin navigating gender roles, responsibilities, and assumptions about what marriage should look like. Adjusting to shared finances, household duties, and decision-making as a family can be overwhelming. It’s normal to argue, feel frustrated, and even question your decision to marry at times. This is all part of the transition into married life.
Add children to the mix, and your relationships with everyone will shift once again, especially the one with your partner. Parenthood brings new challenges, but it’s also a chance for growth.
The good news is that change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If everything stayed the same, life would be boring. The key to maintaining your relationships is to nurture them. As for your marriage, remember that it is constantly evolving. The trick is to make sure you and your partner always find your way back to each other, no matter what changes life brings.
