As a parent, it is only natural to want the best for your kids. You want to help them excel in life, and it is your responsibility to ensure that they have enough opportunities to witness and experience a wide range of activities. But when does ‘enough opportunities’ become too much? If your children are exhausted by the end of the week, could it be possible that you are over-scheduling them? And let’s be frank: while your kids may love playing softball, football, or baseball, and may ‘want’ to learn how to play the piano or indulge in their art lessons, the bottom line is that YOU are the one over-scheduling them. These are parental decisions, and parents need to make sure they are allowing their kids enough downtime to truly be kids. Isn’t one activity at a time enough for a 5-year-old?
Understanding the Impact of Over-Scheduling
For many parents, over-scheduling happens by accident. You see a listing at your local Recreation Department or YMCA for a Mommy & Me music class that starts at 12 months, and you enroll, hoping to enrich your and your child’s life. You shell out the money, then sit through an hour or two per week, listening to Mozart and letting your ‘barely a toddler’ child beat on a drum. You hope that this experience will prepare them for preschool, help them learn to follow directions, or even ‘socialize’ them to some degree. Most parents cringe at the idea that their child won’t be socialized enough or that they might not be ‘as good’ at things as another child. Truth be told, their development is hindered no more by Mommy and Me classes than it would be if you allowed them to explore a cabinet full of Tupperware containers.
Many parents defend their over-scheduling by saying that their children love the activities. This is particularly true for older kids. Psychologists, however, insist that when kids start whining about attending practices or classes, are missing sleep, are exhausted by the end of the week, or are unable to have any free time to beat to the rhythm of their OWN drum, parents are actually setting their kids up to fail—or worse, burn out. This explains why so many young athletes peak before high school and then give up their sport of choice altogether before college. It also explains why many intellectual children drop out of college midway through in search of a hiatus to experience downtime. Furthermore, it sheds light on why children today become bored so quickly.
If you’re not sure if you’re over-scheduling your child, try this little experiment: Instead of going to class or rushing to practice, send your children out to the yard to play. Typically, an overscheduled child—especially one who has been chronically overscheduled—will feel lost at sea on a wave of boredom. They won’t know how to fill their own time and will likely seek out other ways to entertain themselves. They might come in looking for an iPod or flipping on a video game. Since they are so accustomed to their life being an entourage of events and activities, and are not accustomed to downtime, they have forgotten how to play.
Experts believe that parents should drop around 10% of their activities right now. Instead of enrolling children in two, three, or even four extracurricular activities, they should strictly allow their children to participate in only one at a time. Not only is this more affordable for the average family, but it also teaches children to make choices and to truly listen to their hearts when it comes to activities that THEY (not YOU) are interested in. Plus, by having them choose one activity at a time, you are still allowing plenty of time for them to figure out what to do when they get sent out to the backyard to play.
Since part of the reason so many parents over-schedule their children is in the hopes of ‘getting them ahead’ or ‘giving them an edge,’ you might find solace in the fact that experts believe over-scheduling is actually counterproductive to this goal. Experts also insist that over-scheduling leads to ’emotional isolation’ and doesn’t allow kids to truly be in charge of the things they enjoy or are interested in.
It is important as a parent to set limits and boundaries with your children. Bottom line: While your 5-year-old may enjoy ballet class, they shouldn’t be forced to do it more than once or twice a week. The minute they start balking at the idea of class or losing interest, parents should be listening. Certainly, you should make them finish the course they’ve signed up for, as this teaches your children responsibility and commitment, but they shouldn’t be forced to continue beyond that. Too often, parents decide what is good for their children or what their children are good at based on their own childhoods or interests, instead of letting the kids decide. And kids take note of the fact that they are pleasing their parents by participating, which puts a lot of undue pressure on them.
You should also listen to your children in more ways than one. If you notice them getting cranky, seeming to develop attitude problems, becoming overly tired, getting bored easily, or showing changes in their sleep or dietary habits, they may be experiencing stress from too many activities. If they don’t seem to be putting much effort into their activities, are getting sick more often than normal, or are losing interest in going to classes or practices, they likely need a break. Downtime is a good thing, and it is something children of all ages need to be happy and well-adjusted in life. The best part? It’s free. Instead of signing up for so many activities and classes, consider choosing just one and using the rest of the time to enjoy the fleeting moments of childhood with your children.
