If you go to Amazon and search for books related to parenting, you’ll find an immediate 63,188 books, all perfectly suited to guide parents through the rules and regulations of raising children. Some books are devoted to taking away pacifiers, others focus on teaching manners, potty training, and thousands aim to help you create the perfect discipline plan—one that not only helps your child sleep but ensures they remain respectful while doing so. Perhaps the saddest part of all this is that these books are being bought by the truckload, sometimes so quickly that distributors can’t even keep them on the shelves. And who’s buying them? Smart, mostly young, level-headed parents just like you.
Parenting in the 21st Century
Parenting by the book has become a hot trend among 21st-century parents. Sure, it was relevant before, but chances are your own parents—or even your grandparents—didn’t buy a book to teach them how to get you to listen. They may have paddled your hide, demanded respect, and made sure the lines between children and adults were drawn with a thick black sharpie marker. Today, however, that line is, at best, faded.
Every time a new parenting book hits the shelves and debuts on shows like The View or Oprah, the author is treated like a parental superstar. And parents buy into this hype without hesitation. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance that if you’ve had a toddler in your house in the last decade, you have a copy of Ferber’s book on sleep somewhere collecting dust.
I say, ENOUGH ALREADY!
Do you hold down a job? Do you manage to pay your bills? Are you able to make personal and professional decisions every day? If so, you likely don’t need a parenting book to guide you through the often-hellish phases of your child’s development. These parenting books all claim to be the answer to every parent’s prayers, offering hidden solutions for every perceived behavior disorder that your child may—or may not—have. Parents read them, find likenesses to their own children in the pages, and wholeheartedly believe the methods will work for their child. But let’s be honest—do they? Have they?
The most ironic thing about nearly all parenting books on the market today is their underlying theme: parents need to be in charge. Parents should make the decisions, not the kids. Yet, as modern parents, we often fail to do this. We give our children so many choices and raise them to feel so entitled that they are spoiled by a lack of discipline. You don’t need a book to fix that.
Another issue with relying on a book to guide your parenting is that many of the methods in these books won’t feel natural to you. They may contradict your own values or familial beliefs. But because these books are hailed as effective, proven to work, and often come with seals of approval claiming they will “save your child’s psychological wellbeing,” parents are fooled into believing they need these books to raise their child.
Here’s a little newsflash:
Whether you’ve “Ferberized” your child or rocked them to sleep, they will likely crave counseling at some point. And no matter how politically correct or psychologically enlightened you believe your parenting methods to be, your child will still blame you for everything that goes wrong in their life. Ha.
Sarcasm aside, there are indeed some parenting books that can help you along the way. It takes a good parent to recognize when they need help and to realize that their current approach isn’t producing the results they want. So yes, it’s perfectly fine to buy a book or two. Read up on the issues you’re facing. Understand how your child is developing neurologically and what may be causing their undesired behavior. There is nothing wrong with becoming an informed and educated parent. However, this doesn’t mean you should throw out your innate parental instincts and follow a book’s advice line by line—especially if that book was written by someone who isn’t even an expert.
The best way to utilize the wealth of information contained in parenting books is to pick and choose the strategies that feel natural to you and that your child responds to. Also, remain flexible and understanding when it comes to discipline and rules, remembering that your child is growing and changing so rapidly that what worked last week may not work this week. By blending your personal parenting style with tips from books, your approach becomes more authentic and relatable to your child. It shows respect for their individuality and doesn’t attempt to squeeze them into the square pages of some book written by a self-proclaimed expert.
No one enters parenthood knowing exactly what to do all the time. Parenting is one of those things you learn as you go. The desire to be the perfect parent and raise the best child without causing any emotional or psychological harm is universal among parents. However, the fear of making a mistake or doing it “wrong” shouldn’t paralyze you into inaction or cause you to doubt the loving, nurturing instinct that lives inside your heart.
