Here’s something you won’t hear every day: “Parenting is not for everyone!” The truth is that there are plenty of people in this world who are simply not cut out for motherhood or fatherhood. These individuals likely know they don’t want to be parents. Yet, the world pressures and pushes. As the old nursery rhyme goes, “first comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes a baby in the baby carriage!” But what if you are one of the hundreds of thousands of people who do not want to be parents? Does that make you some sort of freak or societal anomaly? Should you feel guilty for your feelings, or should you try to have at least one child, just to be sure?
The Changing Tide of Parenthood
Many people today have children simply because they were pressured into it. They may have been pushed by a spouse, friends, or loved ones. Or perhaps, they’ve been influenced by the silent nagging of society, which seems to believe that a couple is only truly a family if they add the “blessing” of children to their union.
Interestingly, the tide is changing. From the United States to New Zealand, society is witnessing an increase in childless couples. And these couples are childless by choice. Many of them are older adults (over the age of 35) who have waited longer to get married and simply have no real interest in being tied down to a child. Most childless couples, from all over the world, are also on the higher end of the economic spectrum. They seem to be living lives that are, in many ways, more fulfilling than the “married with children” population. Activities like travel, socializing, and job satisfaction are actually higher for couples who do not have children. In fact, these couples report earning a shocking 59% more annually than couples with at least two children.
Perhaps the most surprising statistic is that childless-by-choice couples also experience a significantly lower divorce rate compared to the world average. While marriages with children have a 68% divorce rate within the first ten years, childless couples have a divorce rate under 22%. And get this: these couples, who know they don’t want children, are also 75% more likely to have prenuptial agreements, making divorce proceedings much less complicated. The only exceptions to these statistics are for childless couples who are unable to have children due to infertility. In this case, divorce rates tend to be higher.
However, this article isn’t about the benefits of not having children. It’s about the fact that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The women’s movement has significantly changed the traditional view of women. In the past, society often saw females past puberty as nothing more than fertile grounds for making babies. But today, more women are graduating from college and pursuing lucrative careers in their 20s, 30s, and 40s without getting married or having children. And these women are happy doing so. Additionally, there is a growing number of men who are opting for vasectomies (often against medical advice) at younger ages to ensure that their wish to remain childless is not complicated by an unplanned pregnancy.
When you consider that in the United States, around 80% of women will bear children at some point, and that the U.S. offers more birth control options than any other country in the world, it’s no wonder that people are met with strange looks when they admit they don’t want children. But the truth is that children are a lot of hard work. They are incredibly time-consuming and expensive. In many ways, it is better for people to understand their options and stick to their own life paths, rather than succumbing to societal pressure and having children they don’t really want.
Sociologists around the globe agree that as women become more ambitious and as more couples wait until later in life to get married, the decision to remain childless will continue to rise. Is this completely against human nature? Forty years ago, the answer would have been yes. But today, with advances in technology, education, and a wide array of choices and beliefs, people who know they don’t want children can feel good about their decision.
Certainly, there will always be those who believe that children are the axis upon which the world spins. And that line of thinking is perfectly valid. However, now that adults can make freer decisions and have more insight into what it really takes—not just to be a parent, but to be a loving parent—the decision NOT to have children will become more widely accepted.
Life is about choices. When it comes to whether or not we become parents, we all have a choice. Perhaps the best way to decide if not having kids is the right path for you is to ask yourself if you’re truly ready for the labor of love involved in raising children. Often, what people really want when they say they want children is to fix a marriage, solidify a relationship, follow an expected life path, make a parent a grandparent, or simply have a baby to hold and cuddle. But the reality is that once you make the decision to have kids—whether you’re ready or not, whether you’re certain or doubtful—you’re stuck with your decision.
The good news is that, today, people know they can choose to walk the less-trodden path and become one of the thousands of childless couples around the world. And still, they can live a happy, fulfilling life.
