The Power of Family Traditions
The American Dream once centered on building a family business—a mom-and-pop restaurant, a local car dealership, or a beauty salon—and passing it down through generations. While this tradition has largely faded, family traditions remain vital in other forms, from Grandma’s carrot cake recipe to annual holiday gatherings. According to Myrna Shure’s book, Raising Pre-Teens, these traditions provide children with comfort and security in their often confusing lives, fostering a deep sense of connection to their family.
For many, “family traditions” evoke grand events like yearly vacations or Easter visits with relatives. However, children perceive traditions differently. The small, consistent rituals—like visiting the same restaurant after church on Sundays, watching American Idol together, or baking star-shaped cookies for Santa—hold profound meaning. These moments, no matter how simple, become cherished traditions that children carry into adulthood, never outgrowing their significance.
Defining Family Traditions
Valerie Adams, a speaker who leads seminars on traditions, explains that a tradition involves three elements: anticipation, participation, and reflection. Even something as simple as lunch at Dairy Queen every Friday after school can become a tradition. These understated rituals, often born of necessity, teach children the most and provide the greatest sense of security. For example, a busy family of six, juggling ball practices and games, may establish rituals to carve out quality time, which quickly evolve into traditions. Parents may not always recognize these as traditions, but children do, often signaling their importance by asking whether specific events will occur.
As children grow, they may resist traditions, grumbling about visiting Aunt Sally or skipping family functions, feeling too old or preoccupied. Parents face a choice: enforce participation or let the child decide. Often, allowing the child to choose results in reluctant participation anyway, driven by the pull of tradition. As adults, we may notice that many childhood traditions—like fishing with Dad or sharing a Peanut Buster Parfait with Grandma—have faded as family members pass away, move apart, or lifestyles change. Reflecting on these moments reveals their monumental impact, inspiring us to create new traditions with our own children.
The Lasting Impact of Traditions
Family traditions offer a snapshot of a family’s identity. You may not realize you’re creating a tradition in the moment, but years later, watching your grown daughter replicate those same rituals with her children highlights their significance. For people who get divorced, the loss of family traditions can be one of the most painful aspects of the breakup. While you may not miss your spouse, the absence of shared family rituals stings, and children feel this loss deeply.
Traditions, whether intentional or spontaneous, emerge naturally. They can be as simple as a recipe or as elaborate as an annual holiday trip to a Florida resort. Their magic lies in the shared anticipation, participation, and reflection they inspire. When reminiscing with cousins about childhood antics, you’re likely recalling traditions—however quirky or dysfunctional they seem in hindsight. These rituals shaped your sense of belonging and identity within your family.
Traditions often feel like expressions of manners and grace, done because they’re expected. Yet, their deeper value lies in helping children define themselves through family rituals. For kids, traditions serve as temporal anchors, helping them mark time in a way years or decades cannot. For all of us, these traditions weave the phases of our lives into a cohesive narrative, binding us to our family’s story.
