So, you’ve enjoyed the initial bliss of engagement, you’re now comfortable with the word “fiancé,” and then suddenly, reality hits: someone has to plan this upcoming wedding! From picking the ceremony and reception location to deciding on the guest list size and selecting details like cakes and flowers, you and your partner will have many decisions to make in the near future. As weddings grow in extravagance and cost each year, more couples are finding that they need to plan early, sometimes making arrangements more than a year in advance.
Setting Your Wedding Budget and Timeline
When planning a wedding, start by setting a budget and a timeline. Then tackle the larger, more important items first. Once those are sorted, take a breath, relax, and focus on the details.
Today, couples are spending more on weddings than ever before. The average wedding costs approximately $25,000–$35,000. Many couples decide to “splurge” because they feel that such a special occasion calls for the best a city can offer. While a wedding is, of course, a special occasion, remember that the love shared between two people is what’s truly special—an extravagant wedding doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Though some brides may see a budget as a burden, it can actually help narrow down choices, such as which reception hall to use or how many guests to invite.
As a general rule, allocate 50% of your budget to the reception (location, food, drinks), 10% each to flowers, photography, music, and attire (bridal gown, tuxes), and the remaining 10% for favors, invitations, and other miscellaneous details. For example, if you’re planning a $10,000 wedding, you have $5,000 to spend on the reception site, so make reservations accordingly.
Another important factor to determine early in the wedding planning process (which will also help you choose a location) is how many people you and your fiancé want to invite to share in your special day. Is it important to you that all of your family—down to second cousins you rarely see—be there to witness your vows? Or would you rather have just your immediate family and closest friends? Some couples torn between the two options will have a very small wedding ceremony with only immediate family, then invite everyone they know to a larger reception.
Keep in mind, the bigger the guest list, the higher the wedding costs. Generally, receptions held in hotels cost over $40.00 per plate. Whatever size you decide, make sure you and your fiancé are happy with the number. Don’t let guilt or pressure from family members sway your decision—this is your wedding, and you should decide how many people you want to share your day with!
Once decisions on budget and size are made, your options for ceremony and reception venues should be narrowed down (see, the budgeting helps!). Traditionally, wedding ceremonies are held in a church or temple, but many couples opt for outdoor venues such as botanical gardens or backyards (weather permitting). Advantages of getting married in a church include suitable seating, a ready-made aisle and altar, and an organist or pianist to provide ceremony music. A church will typically require a minimal fee to help cover the pastor’s time and use of the facility.
An outdoor wedding requires more planning, as you’ll need to rent chairs for guests, an aisle runner, and a tent in case of rain. Plus, you’ll need to hire a musician for outdoor music. While the costs for both indoor and outdoor ceremonies can be comparable, an outdoor wedding usually demands more logistical attention. Once the ceremony site is chosen, move on to the reception site. Hotels, restaurants, and country clubs are popular reception venues because they usually offer comprehensive in-house food and beverage service, along with seating, linens, place settings, and a dance floor.
However, receptions in these venues tend to be more formal and expensive—watch out for additional fees, like cake cutting, which can cost over a dollar per person! For couples on a tight budget with lots of friends, consider hosting an outdoor reception with a big barbecue or buffet-style meal instead of a traditional sit-down service. Again, while outdoor receptions require more planning, they offer more control over food and drink choices, plus the potential for lower costs. Parks make great settings for outdoor receptions, and they’re usually affordable to reserve. The natural beauty of the location requires minimal added decoration.
Be sure to reserve your wedding and reception sites six or more months in advance (for some popular venues, you may need to book up to a year in advance). Be prepared to put down a deposit, as most venues require a portion of the total cost to reserve your date.
As you move forward, selecting your wedding party can be an emotional process. For brides, choosing attendants can be tricky—while you may have promised to include your childhood best friend in your wedding, friendships evolve, and selecting those few people to stand by your side can bring on feelings of guilt or uncertainty. The reality is that someone will likely get their feelings hurt by your choices, so be true to your heart.
Consider which friends will still be there for you after you’re married and have children. Will any of your friends shirk their duties as bridesmaids? Most often, best friends and close relatives (like sisters, brothers, and cousins) are chosen to stand up, and the number of attendants can range from one to ten or more. If you want to include friends or family but can’t fit them into the wedding party, give them other tasks, such as reading a favorite passage during the ceremony or greeting guests. Keep in mind that having a larger wedding party can become costly, with more bouquets and gifts to purchase. So, be mindful when deciding on the number of attendants.
If you’ve chosen your bridesmaids wisely, they can help organize many of the wedding details. Hopefully, you’ll have at least one maid who’s been in a wedding before to lend a hand! Take a couple of bridesmaids with you when shopping for bridesmaid dresses—this way, you can get other opinions without being overwhelmed. While some brides allow their maids to pick their own dresses, it’s often harder to reach a group consensus since no one person has authority over the others, making the decision awkward. To make it easier, select a color, length, and allow each maid to choose her own dress style. Some bridal salons offer mix-and-match options, letting each maid pick a top and bottom. This is a great option for a bridal party with a variety of body types.
As a bride, remember to be considerate of the girls’ needs—think back to your own experience as a bridesmaid. If you have a friend with red hair, don’t choose a bright pink dress! Since most bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, shoes, accessories, and hotel rooms, keep the cost in mind. If possible, offer to pay half of the dress cost—it would be greatly appreciated by your bridesmaids. Manufacturing and shipping for bridesmaid dresses typically take 8–12 weeks, so be sure to order them about six months before your wedding day to allow time for delivery and alterations.
Congratulations—the “big stuff” is planned (hopefully, your bridesmaids helped you pick out your bridal gown as well)! Take a breath, relax, and shift your focus for a moment. Now, when it comes to details like cake selection or choosing flowers, there are plenty of options. Start thinking about colors and flavors. In June and August—some of the busiest wedding months—florists and bakers tend to book up quickly, so be sure to reserve your date with your favorite vendors at least five months in advance.
Magazines can be a great resource for finding pictures of cakes and flowers you like. Tear out those pages, save them in a binder, and share them with your florist or baker to help convey your vision. Many couples are now opting for smaller individual cakes, cupcakes, or even other desserts like chocolates or cheesecake instead of a traditional tiered cake. Guests enjoy choosing their own desserts, and ordering a variety may even cost less than one big cake. If you still prefer a cake but need to save money, consider ordering a smaller display cake and having a sheet cake cut up in the kitchen and served to guests.
To save money on flowers, pick blooms that are in season during your wedding time. Tulips and peonies are great for spring, while dahlias and chrysanthemums work well for fall weddings. Some companies even offer kits to make your own paper flowers—these are not only affordable but reusable! Be creative with decorations and get your friends and family involved. Most importantly, enjoy the time spent planning your day.
One detail that can sometimes get overlooked but shouldn’t is planning your honeymoon. A honeymoon provides a much-needed opportunity for you both to relax and rejuvenate after the wedding. Whether you choose a tropical island for two weeks or a quick camping trip, make sure to prioritize some alone time together as newlyweds.
Though stress and anxiety are sure to pop up at some point during the planning process, try to keep the bigger picture in mind—the one where you and your new spouse ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Wedding planning is time-consuming, so create a solid plan and take a methodical approach to get everything in order. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family—they’ve likely been through the process before and can offer valuable support. Finally, remember to enjoy the process. If you’re lucky, this will be the only wedding you ever plan!
