With Christmas right around the corner, the wheels of worry and holiday frenzy are about to be set into motion. And at the top of nearly everyone’s list of worries is money. Considering that during Christmas, an extra 435 billion dollars is spent in the United States alone, it’s clear that despite economic conditions, people are spending. And too often, they’re spending using money they don’t even have. Around 22% of Americans actually take out personal loans to afford holiday gifts, while 68% rely on credit cards to fund the ‘necessities’ of the holiday.
The Struggle with Scaling Back
For many families, this spending is done in the spirit of competition. On average, parents spend around $400 per child on gifts and holiday accessories. But what happens when a family wants, or needs, to scale back and make the Christmas season more about the spirit of family than the spirit of presents? How do they tell grandparents and other family members, who may not be financially strapped or may be prone to overindulgence, not to outspend them at Christmas? After all, if parents give their child three small gifts ‘from Santa’ and other family members are buying I-Pads, how does this make Santa look? Like a cheapskate?
Certainly, children must understand that the amount of love they feel isn’t equal to the amount of money spent on presents. But it can be difficult for parents to scale back when other people in their child’s life are not on board with the idea. Is it even polite to say to others, “Please don’t outspend us on Christmas?”
This issue often causes strife during the holiday season. When the calls start coming in about what your children want for Christmas, it’s hard enough to give everyone ideas. But when others want to buy more for YOUR children than you are, it puts a lot of pressure on parents. And certainly, this pressure is felt around the holiday dinner table. Parents want to be the ones who make their children’s dreams come true. But grandparents, often more financially stable and able, also want to indulge their grandkids during the holidays. The key is creating balance.
It can be hard for parents to make their feelings heard when it comes to gift giving from extended family. For example, if you and your sibling both have kids, is it really necessary to buy gifts for everyone when each of you has plenty of children of your own? What makes this conversation even more difficult is that everyone feels differently about it. Your brother and his wife may want to give you and your kids gifts because they can afford it and because it’s part of their holiday tradition. But you and your spouse may feel that exchanging gifts between adults is a bit unnecessary, and you might not have the money to do so. So the conversation becomes about pride and what Christmas traditions are appropriate.
One way to avoid overspending at Christmas is simply for everyone to pick names out of a hat. If you have a large extended family with many grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and cousins, the best way to reduce spending is for everyone to get just one gift. This ensures that the spirit of gift-giving, important to so many, is still part of the season, while reducing the pressure to give gifts needlessly.
When it comes to your children and the gifts they receive, parents definitely should have a say. If you only want to spend $100 per child this year because that’s all you can afford, you should talk about it with extended family. When they call to ask what your child might want, ask them not to outspend you on Christmas. If they have respect for you and your family, they will oblige.
However, be prepared for the fact that many people are so determined to spend tons of money on gifts that they will find your request offensive—and will spend anyway. If this happens, as a parent, you should not feel pressured to keep up with the amount of money they spend. While the 4-wheeler in your front yard may make your gifts seem pale in comparison, the truth is children need to learn that love and gifts are not the same thing. It’s easy to impress children with fancy gifts, but they will always be just that—children. What’s most important is that you don’t engage in competitive gift-giving that ruins your holiday season and adds unnecessary stress. You also don’t want to spoil the holiday for your kids, who will definitely pick up on your feelings about the gifts.
It would be wonderful if families would embark on pre-game strategies and meetings like an NFL football team does before a big game during the holidays. It would be equally nice if families would stop getting involved in the ‘who spends more’ holiday competition that really has no place during this special time of year. However, all you can really control is what you and your immediate family do. If you feel good about your decisions, then allow yourself to let go of the rest so you can enjoy your holidays.
