One of the best quotes about respecting people’s time is this: “We respect other people’s time when we learn to value it as much as our own. Even better, we can get to a point where we won’t distinguish between our time and the time of others.” – Dr. Forni
Every single one of us knows the feeling. You have a 10 a.m. doctor’s appointment, take your lunch hour to make the appointment, arrive a few minutes early, and then suddenly it’s 11 a.m., and you haven’t seen the doctor yet. Or, you invite people over for dinner at a certain time, and they show up 45 minutes late. Or, you spend an extra hour running errands or grocery shopping, only to find that the store doesn’t have enough people to check out customers in a timely fashion, which makes you late. The truth is, in today’s fast-paced world, time is of the essence. The number one complaint of adults these days is that there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything accomplished. So when someone doesn’t respect the time you’ve set aside to get things done, it’s completely maddening.
Many businesses today run on a “please respect my time” basis, often charging missed appointment fees or canceling appointments altogether if people do not arrive on time. Doctors, in fact, are notorious for having steadfast cancellation policies (often with fees), yet seem filled with hypocrisy when it comes to respecting the time of their patients. In the business world, customer service revolves around time management and respecting customers’ time. So why is it that so many people in this world are chronically late, chronically no-shows, or seem to have no respect for the time of others in their lives, especially those they care about?
The Impact of Disrespecting Time
Psychologists say that not respecting the time of others is a serious sign of manipulation used to control others. People who are chronically late, or who seem to have no respect for the time of others, are passively trying to control a situation with their tardiness. If they have to arrive somewhere at 10:30 a.m. and know it takes them 15 minutes to get there, they are behind schedule if they are still at home at 10:15 a.m. Those who don’t respect the time of others, however, don’t see it that way – and often have a narcissistic view that shouts, “My time is more valuable than yours!” Rude, to say the least.
And far too often in personal relationships, this lack of respect is difficult to deal with. Most people operate under the assumption that a friend or family member is going to forgive them automatically for being late or for throwing a wrench in plans that have already been made if something ‘comes up.’ Yet, the fact that so many people are willing to do this to friends and family indicates a huge lack of respect for one another. The truth is that as adults, it’s vastly important to think about how others feel as well – and not always operate under the preconceived notion that your life is busier, more important, or more hectic than someone else’s.
If you have to deal with someone who seems to have no respect for your time and efforts, it is up to you to put a stop to it. Instead of operating under the assumption that “they said 8 p.m., which means 9 p.m. to them,” point out the behavior and hold them accountable. It will only take one or two times of you canceling an engagement or calling off plans when they call to say they are running behind before they get the hint that you don’t appreciate their behavior and lack of respect for your time. By either being proactive and letting them know, “Hey, this is not okay with me,” they will change their behavior, or the relationship will change. While it may feel petty to say, “Well, if you cannot be here at 2 p.m. like we planned, then we will have to do this another day,” the bottom line is it NEEDS to happen. Quite simply, you have things to do as well, and it isn’t fair for you to always be put off or forced to rearrange plans because someone else is being rude and irresponsible with YOUR time.
On the flip side, it’s important that you are mindful of other people’s time. This means coming to appointments on time, having your information together, and apologizing if you are late (and even asking if you can reschedule). It also means realizing that other people’s lives are busy as well. You may have four kids, while your best friend only has two – but this does not mean that her life is easier or that her time is less valuable than yours. If you care about people and respect them, you will do your best to honor their time commitments as well as your own. If something just cannot work out because of time, don’t be afraid to say NO and mean it.
It really is NOT okay for people to be flippant with your time. We are often taught to ignore little things such as this and to try and remain flexible at all times. But eventually, there comes a point when you have to stand up for yourself – and take measures to force others to be respectful of you. It doesn’t matter if it’s a doctor or a friend – your time is important as well. If saying, “Please respect my time,” doesn’t work with certain people and situations, then you might want to see this disrespect as a signal that it’s indeed time to move on.
3 Responses
What can you do when your doctor is always “running behind” on other patients and they don’t respect your time because they cram too many people in too little of appointment times? People who work, like I do, have to use their leave to attend appointments and when the doctors “run late” it costs us time and money. It’s not like they have a supervisor we can call and complain to in order for them to be held accountable.
Trust me the reverse is true as well. I am a healthcare provider that meet plenty of patients that seem to think whatever they do is more important than my time. Over the past two years I reached my limit and kicked these time wasters out—thankfully, overall they constitute a very small portion of people, but they cause a disproportionate amount of stress and time wastage. Just had a patient this morning that, like many times in the past, always calls right at the appointment time and says that he will be 15 min late. My front desk lady said that 15 is ok (it actually isn’t , but we are being generous and accommodating) but please no more than that, and the guy blew up at my front desk lady, cussing her out and wanting to see another provider. That’s fine by me, I returned his money for his appointment, and probably saved myself the can down the road. With this person’s behavior, sooner or later he is bound to go off, and better to just get it over with.
So let’s not forget this and think it is all on healthcare providers. Plenty of stuff on the other side as well. Why do you think some providers overbook? Precisely because many no-show.
I don’t think my girlfriend values my time. We often makes plans to do something specific together and then, right before it’s time to execute the plans, she changes all of it… BUT, she doesn’t let me know… says nothing. We could plan for cooking a meal together at her home, which takes shopping, preparing etc. Then, I can show up and she has take out. Often, she just says, “I thought…” or “I forgot.” The last time I felt she didn’t value my time, she needed me to ride with her to pick something up. And, when I asked her, “Why me?” instead of telling me she can’t due to COVID, she tells me I don’t trust my other friend. Then that her other friends don’t question her. That made me feel offended. I just want her to understand that my time is valuable enough to keep plans and that I have the right to plan my own schedule.