When the magical time arrives to transition from using diapers to using the potty, every child reacts in one way: completely unpredictably. Some kids will jump right in and have it down within a week, while others seem to struggle with the concept for a year or more. Potty training changes everything—at least for a while. During the process of convincing your child that using the big porcelain throne is far superior to pausing their activities for a moment to soil their pants, you will live in the land of pee and poop.
The Pressure of Potty Training
We’ve all seen the countless statistics comparing early potty training to learning the necessary toileting skills too late, leaving you caught between a rock and a diaper. There’s always a study that can convince you that your timing was off, whether you started too early or too late. For every stage, there’s a report that will have you second-guessing your approach, leading you to believe that you’ve set your child up for a lifetime of therapy. It’s time to stop relying on this kind of information. Instead, start paying attention to your child—observe their cues, and you’ll likely know when they are ready for the big potty.
When you first begin potty training, you might seek a bit of guidance. Or perhaps you’ll turn to your friends, your parents, your spouse’s parents, and a couple of pediatricians for constant feedback. However, the best source of information is your child. Watch their behavior and their responses to discussions about the potty before you attempt to convince them it’s a good idea. Observing them will guide you on the next steps.
If your child shows interest in the process, they might start taking an interest in a parent when it’s their turn to use the potty. Often, it’s the same-gender parent they’ll gravitate toward, but some kids will watch anyone who lets them. Some children will even engage in pretend play, such as wailing while you retrieve their favorite stuffed bunny from the toilet after they tried to let it use the grown-up potty and misjudged the size of the hole. Other children, however, will show no interest at all.
Most parents begin potty training between the ages of 26 and 32 months, but there is no set rule about when the potty training process must begin. Typically, parents start by teaching their child to pee in the potty, though many report greater success with bowel movements. This is because a bowel movement creates a stronger, more noticeable sensation, warning the child that they need to hurry to the bathroom. The sensation of needing to pee, however, can be subtler and more difficult to master.
Children often develop a set schedule for urination. Mastering this schedule, however, is not the same as full potty training. Be cautious about transitioning to permanent underwear until you’re sure your child has both mastered their schedule and can recognize their physical needs. Children often need to urinate at specific times—when they wake up, a few minutes after a meal, during playdates, or right before bath time. Some children stick to this schedule so strictly that if you put them on the potty, they’ll go at the right times without accidents. Deviating from this schedule, though, may result in a lot of accidents.
Potty training requires patience and flexibility. While consistency is key, there are clear signs when your child isn’t ready. If your child is crying, fearful, or visibly distressed, addressing those fears will help them learn faster. Sometimes, stepping back and giving them the time and security they need can resolve these fears. Many children are afraid that the potty will swallow them along with their pee and poop.
Boys tend to have an advantage when it comes to learning how to use the potty. While most boys are initially taught to sit down when urinating, allowing them to sit backward and float toilet paper boats can make the process more fun. This encourages them to use the potty while improving their aim and hand-eye coordination.
The more you can make the potty process enjoyable, the more success you’ll have. Children, by nature, are often wary of change but drawn to fun. Leaving behind their trusted diapers and entering the world of toilets and toilet paper can be overwhelming unless it’s accompanied by some element of fun. Simple rewards or trips to the playground can motivate your child. However, reacting with frustration, punishment, or disappointment will only make the process harder.
It can be difficult, especially for parents of the opposite gender, to imagine allowing their soon-to-be potty graduate to hang around while they take care of their own business. But sometimes, leading by example can play a significant role in successful potty training.
