This issue is as old as any. With so many varied beliefs among people there is no right or wrong way to discuss the pros and cons of pre-marital sex. Somehow one sector of people will be disappointed with the message. The blunt truth is that pre-marital sex and whether to have it or not is a truly personal opinion that only an individual can make for themselves.
When you think about sex and sexuality the mind instantly races to a spot within that is full of years of programming. What our parents and family taught us, church lectures and schools, peers and the media have all influenced our thinking about premarital sex. Overwhelmingly it is more morally acceptable to wait until marriage to share sex with anyone, but is that realistic in 2009?
Just as people do not want to be judged for having pre-marital sex, others do not want to be judged for remaining virgins. There is no evidence to suggest that abstaining or giving in to the pressure makes a real difference in the long term success of a marriage. But what is to be gained from both sides of the coin. If you are vastly unsure of whether you should participate in premarital sex than quite obviously your answer is already evident. If you are participating in premarital sex already then you too have already made a decision. So when it comes to pre-marital sex, what is the right thing to do?
Many people wonder if there are any pros to engaging in premarital sex. Probably there are! It is nice to know before you are married that you are sexually compatible with someone. Finding that out after the fact can be devastating and eventually in some cases (not all) lead to an end to the marriage. Similarly experimenting with people that you love and are in solid relationships with can formulate experience based opinions and ideas about sex and love. Passion and romance are always fun whether sex is involved or not, however, it may be nice to know that your life partner shares your views and outlooks on sex. Sex is important for married people and very few men and women are committed to a life where their sex life is lacking or not living up to their expectations. That being said it is still a clearly personal choice and no partner should be coerced or forced into premarital sex unless they are absolutely certain that they will have no regrets down the road.
Just as people wonder what the pros are for having premarital sex, others may wonder what the pros are for waiting. If you have strong beliefs about the matter than waiting until marriage will ensure that no principle values have become distorted in the process. If a partner wants to wait but feels lulled to engage in sex they can harbor deep resentments later which can hurt the marriage or relationship. Sex is obviously special, designed to allow two people to connect at an extremely personal and deep level. By waiting and allowing your partner to be your one and only you are sharing something that can never be shared with anyone else in life. This alone, can make waiting not only worthwhile but absolutely necessary to the intimacy of marriage. If both partners feel the sacredness of sex deserves the life long commitment that marriage implies than waiting makes absolute and complete sense. There will be a tie between the two people that wait for the rest of eternity.
Premarital sex is one of the choices that adults need to make based on what they feel is important in life. By sticking to their instinct and intuition partners will not only make decisions that are wise for them but will attract partners that share the same types of core beliefs that they do. This is not say that those who have premarital sex are not value base do moral people. It’s simply to say that to have sex or not is as personal a choice as we can ever make. It takes two people to make any relationship work or break down and although sex can be a huge factor in a marriage it is not the only thing. If you are dating a partner who does not understand your choice for having or not having pre-marital sex it could be a sign that your views and/or opinions may not be regarded highly in the future.
Times have definitely changed in the last 50 years. More and more children are being born out of wedlock and divorce rates are skyrocketing at all times high. When you consider the odds in life you need to at least give pause before making a decision that could very well impact your entire future. Sex has easily become marketed in all facets of society and there are decreasing amounts of information that truly denote the endearing, loving, unique and sacred joining that sex is between two people who love each other. Sex is not a mark of the amount of love nor is it simply an expression of love; it is an expression of union and commitment. Your decision regarding this matter should be yours and yours alone to make and should be solely based on the way your heart and mind, not your body – feel about the matter and your partner. This is the only way to ensure that you are doing what is right for you.