This issue is as old as any. With so many varied beliefs among people, there is no right or wrong way to discuss the pros and cons of pre-marital sex. No matter the perspective, one sector of people will likely be disappointed with the message. The blunt truth is that pre-marital sex—and whether to have it or not—is a truly personal decision that only the individual can make for themselves.
When you think about sex and sexuality, the mind instantly races to a spot full of years of programming. What our parents and family taught us, what we learned from church lectures, schools, peers, and the media have all influenced our thinking about pre-marital sex. Overwhelmingly, it is more morally acceptable to wait until marriage to share sex with anyone, but is that realistic in 2009?
The Pros and Cons of Pre-Marital Sex
Just as people do not want to be judged for having pre-marital sex, others do not want to be judged for remaining virgins. There is no evidence to suggest that abstaining or giving in to the pressure makes a real difference in the long-term success of a marriage. But what is to be gained from both sides of the coin? If you are vastly unsure of whether you should participate in pre-marital sex, then quite obviously, your answer is already evident. If you are participating in pre-marital sex already, then you, too, have already made a decision. So, when it comes to pre-marital sex, what is the right thing to do?
Many people wonder if there are any pros to engaging in pre-marital sex. Probably, there are! It is nice to know, before you are married, that you are sexually compatible with someone. Finding that out after the fact can be devastating and, in some cases (though not all), may lead to the end of the marriage. Similarly, experimenting with people you love and are in solid relationships with can help you form experience-based opinions and ideas about sex and love. Passion and romance are always enjoyable, whether sex is involved or not. However, it may be reassuring to know that your life partner shares your views and outlook on sex.
Sex is important for married people, and very few men and women are committed to a life where their sex life is lacking or not living up to expectations. That said, it is still a clearly personal choice, and no partner should be coerced or forced into pre-marital sex unless they are absolutely certain they will have no regrets down the road.
Just as people wonder about the pros of having pre-marital sex, others may wonder about the benefits of waiting. If you have strong beliefs about the matter, waiting until marriage ensures that no core values have been distorted in the process. If a partner wants to wait but feels pressured to engage in sex, they may harbor deep resentments later, which could hurt the marriage or relationship. Sex is obviously special—it allows two people to connect at an extremely personal and deep level. By waiting and allowing your partner to be your one and only, you are sharing something that can never be shared with anyone else in life. This alone can make waiting not only worthwhile but absolutely necessary to the intimacy of marriage.
If both partners feel that the sacredness of sex deserves the lifelong commitment that marriage implies, then waiting makes absolute sense. There will be a tie between the two people that wait for the rest of eternity.
Pre-marital sex is one of the choices that adults need to make based on what they feel is important in life. By sticking to their instincts and intuition, partners will not only make decisions that are wise for them but will also attract partners who share the same core beliefs. This is not to say that those who have pre-marital sex are not values-based or moral people. It’s simply to acknowledge that the decision to have sex—or not—is one of the most personal choices we can ever make. It takes two people to make any relationship work or break down, and although sex can be a huge factor in a marriage, it is not the only thing. If you are dating someone who does not understand your choice regarding pre-marital sex, it could be a sign that your views and/or opinions may not be regarded highly in the future.
Times have definitely changed in the last 50 years. More and more children are being born out of wedlock, and divorce rates are skyrocketing to all-time highs. When you consider the odds in life, it’s important to pause before making a decision that could very well impact your entire future. Sex has easily become marketed in all facets of society, and there is decreasing information that truly conveys the endearing, loving, unique, and sacred joining that sex represents between two people who love each other.
Sex is not a mark of the amount of love, nor is it simply an expression of love. It is an expression of union and commitment. Your decision regarding this matter should be yours and yours alone to make, and it should be based on how your heart and mind—not your body—feel about the matter and your partner. This is the only way to ensure that you are doing what is right for you.
