“Please, Mom, just one more story and I promise I will go right to bed!”
“Please, PLEASE, PLEASE!”
How many times have you heard that before? All parents know the feeling: just a few more minutes before the kids go to bed, and you’re so looking forward to watching that rated R movie that has been hiding in the DVD player for a month now. There’s also that book on the coffee table you’ve been dying to read, and an old friend from high school you’d love to talk to on the phone. The anticipation of some quiet time without being asked to do anything gives you that much-needed second wind, but suddenly, bedtime turns into a two-hour ordeal that leaves you exhausted and just wanting to sleep yourself.
Problems at bedtime are one of the top complaints parents have about their children. Life would be so much easier if they just went to sleep peacefully and happily when told. No parent wants a bedtime routine to involve crying or stress. So, what should the weary parent do?
Strategies for a Smoother Bedtime
Whether your child constantly gets back up to pee, demands another story, calls you repeatedly back into their room, or simply begins crying, bedtime issues can be stressful. Every child is different. Some may react with relief when it’s time for bed, while others, even when tired, will do everything they can to stay up. To overcome this bedtime drama, pediatric professionals recommend establishing a bedtime routine. This routine involves a consistent sequence of activities every night to prepare your child for sleep. During the baby and toddler years, this ritual is simple: dinner, bath, playtime, pajamas, book, and lights out. However, pediatric specialists often overlook the fact that by elementary school, many kids still create problems at bedtime, despite the established routine.
When you notice that the simple routines are no longer working, it’s time to rethink your approach and try new methods. Honestly, many children around age 6 or 7 just aren’t tired at 7 or 8 p.m. Allowing them to stay up until 9 or 9:30 p.m. can save you the stress of bedtime struggles and even afford you more personal time since they may fall asleep faster. When children see that you’re willing to compromise and work with them, you’ll have more leverage to say no to extra stories or constant demands without guilt. Explain to them that if this approach doesn’t work—whether because they’re grumpy in the morning or continue their incessant whining at night—you can and will revert to the earlier bedtime.
Another important consideration is that many children are afraid of going to bed, especially alone. If you’ve already provided a nightlight, created a comfortable sleep space, and thoroughly checked the closets for any lurking monsters, it might not be a bad idea to offer to lie down with your child. Although experts generally agree that children need to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own, what harm is there in taking the time to lie down with your child, lovingly cuddling them as they drift off to sleep? If it works, takes less time and effort, and causes less stress, it might be worth a try. Soon enough, it will be difficult to even squeeze in a hug or engage in snuggle time, and few kids want to sleep with their parents forever! Taking advantage of this special time while they’re still willing isn’t so bad. Additionally, allowing a child to fall asleep next to the parent who makes them feel safe, without causing distress, is priceless. The only risk? Falling asleep yourself. Who knows, they may fall asleep so quickly that you get more personal time in the evening than ever before.
Sleep problems are often just a phase. For some, it’s part of their inherent personality; for others, it may signal that changes are needed not just in the nighttime routine but in the daytime routine as well. Adding more exercise, waking them up earlier in the morning, skipping or shortening nap times, and reducing their intake of sugary or caffeinated foods and drinks can help them settle more quickly. Another often overlooked aspect of sleep problems in children is stress. Talk to them about their day and make sure they aren’t holding onto worries or fears. You never know if a teacher or friend at school is causing them distress. Perhaps they miss you during the day and see the evening as the only time the family truly comes together, so they want to stay up longer to enjoy it. Sometimes, there are no clear reasons for your child’s refusal to go to sleep. When that happens, relax and remind yourself that this is just a phase—and it will pass.
At some point, you’ll have to stick to your guns. If your child continues to struggle with sleep, they may have learned how to push your buttons to get what they want. The struggle can be exhausting, and if you’ve tried everything to solve it without success, it’s time to remain vigilant for a week or so, making no exceptions to the rules and trying not to react emotionally to their protests. When children see that their behavior is upsetting you—whether through anger, stress, or sadness—they sense an opportunity to win. Ignore it! Children cry, whine, complain, demand, scream, yell, throw tantrums, and try their parents’ patience every day in homes across the world. Tune it out, negate feelings of guilt or worry, and go ahead and enjoy your movie, read your book, or call your friend. Eventually, they’ll fall asleep.
