How do you balance the fine line of trusting the person you are dating, while being protective of your assets?
For many people, especially those who have already been married and divorced, one of the most difficult things to develop with another person is trust. After all, you’ve already been burned badly once, and it took a while to get back on your feet. You’d be damned to lose anything of value while simply dating someone, right?
It’s also common for people today, especially those who have put their careers ahead of relationships and entered the serious dating scene later in life (with more capital accumulated), to fear that the person they’re dating will deplete them of their assets. Some individuals become so obsessed with protecting what’s “theirs” in life that they never truly build trust with another person on an intimate level. While most people think of trust in terms of infidelity, there’s also a significant aspect of trust that deals with your personal assets, which, should you become married, will instantly be split in two. Protecting your assets while dating is a modern-day topic that highlights a major shift in our attitudes about commitment and marriage.
Trust and Financial Protection in Modern Relationships
Interestingly, according to an article in The New York Times, more people in 2011 entered into relationships with prenuptial agreements than ever before. Ironically, this indicates that while people are willing to give their hearts, when it comes to financial matters, they tend to be less forthcoming. While you might assume that a prenuptial agreement is necessary for a millionaire marketing mogul, it’s not just the wealthy who are entering these agreements. Regular folks, too, are discussing the separation of property and assigning ownership to things they feel are valuable, in an attempt to protect themselves in case the marriage doesn’t last. Not only does this say little about how many people feel about marriage, but it also speaks volumes about how we feel about our partners in life.
If you are dating someone and have accumulated significant assets, you will obviously want to be careful about what you disclose. After all, you don’t want someone interested in you just because of the size of your bank accounts. However, at some point, it becomes important to disclose yourself. How long it takes before you feel comfortable doing so is a completely personal decision. Yet, keep in mind that the more things you hide at the beginning of the relationship, the more inclined your partner will be to not trust you in the future (should this person become your spouse!).
Additionally, many people are setting up prenuptial agreements as a way to protect their children. If you’re dating and have kids from a previous marriage, it only makes sense that you’d want to protect their home and the things that belong to them in the long term. Hopefully, your partner can understand your desire to protect your children. As long as you’re honest about setting up a prenuptial to protect your children, any spouse should be on board with that.
Perhaps today, we’re inundated with so many stories of gold-digging spouses and immense losses after a marriage ends in divorce, that people are becoming frightened to be honest with one another about their assets. Most often, two people don’t come to a marriage or relationship with the same amount of savings or debt. For the person who has more from the beginning, it makes sense that they’d want to protect their assets if the worst should happen. But going to extreme lengths to do so only makes you seem like a bit of a snake. After all, if you’re hiding all your money offshore and operating from a place of dishonesty, maybe it’s YOU who isn’t to be trusted.
The trick in a relationship is to take things one day at a time. You shouldn’t lay all your cards on the table in the early stages. But when things start to get serious, it’s important to disclose things to your partner as honestly as possible. This doesn’t mean they need to know every single thing about you or exactly how much money you inherited from Aunt Irene. But it also doesn’t mean you should operate from a place of secrecy. If you never let your partner into your world — never show that you truly trust them — the relationship will struggle to grow.
Dating is tricky. You should definitely use your best judgment when allowing someone into your life and home, before giving over all of your trust. The sad truth is that some people in this world don’t deserve to be trusted. That being said, there comes a time when you have to let your significant other into your heart and life, which may mean sharing your assets, at least a little. If you feel that you have too much to lose, consider a prenuptial agreement prior to marriage. And if you live in a state where common-law marriage applies, take legal action to protect yourself. But make sure your partner knows you did!
