Raising a Family of Girls

Raising a Family of Girls: Challenging Gender Norms

In this day and age, it’s unfortunate that the idea of the ‘perfect’ family still seems to involve having children, with at least one (if not all) being a boy. Whether intentional or not, many people still make ridiculous comments to parents of all-girl households, implying that they must somehow be suffering, in misery, or are a family unit that should be pitied by the rest of the male world. Even during pregnancy, one of the first questions asked of the pregnant mother is whether they are having a boy or a girl. Notice the order of the question—it is always “boy” before “girl.”

Today, you would think we’ve moved beyond gender norms that suggest boys are superior. Yet, sadly, we haven’t. You might also think people would no longer be biased or assume that a couple wants a boy first and won’t be happy unless they have one. For a pregnant woman carrying a girl, or having a second or third girl when there is already one at home, it can feel disheartening because the outside world is always fixated on having boys. In fact, many people ask questions like, “Were you trying for a boy?” or say things like, “Another girl? Poor thing, your husband must be disappointed.”

But for parents raising a family of girls, the trials, tribulations, and challenges are no different from those of any family. All the jokes about progesterone and hormonal fluctuations, all the pats on the back for the father of girls, and the rolling sad eyes for the mother are unfounded and, frankly, annoying. Come on, people—these are girls being raised; children, living and breathing relatives who are loved just as wholly as any boy. And furthermore, there is no failure in having a family of girls!

Challenging Perceptions: The Reality of Raising Girls

The challenges of raising girls often come from the opinions and preconceived notions of others. Girls are still seen as the weaker, whinier, and more emotional sex. They’re often labeled as fragile, fickle, difficult, and lesser. Have we forgotten that just a few years ago, a woman ran for president of the United States? Have we also forgotten that girls are three times more likely to stay close to home as adults, include their elderly parents in their lives, and help their parents unconditionally? Not to mention, all the dads of these little girls get to feel like heroes for the rest of their lives without having to be macho or strong. And the moms? They have shopping, walking, and living partners for life—without worrying about a daughter-in-law who always puts her own mother before her mother-in-law. See, raising a family of girls isn’t so bad after all.

Sisters do pose challenges that perhaps boys do not. They argue over clothes, have cat-like responses to one another, and can make raising a family of girls difficult at times. They may be louder, squeal more, and show their emotions more easily than boys (though not always). But this is only because they are allowed to express themselves. Girls have the unique privilege of crossing gender lines—they can be tough and play sports or soft and play instruments, without fear of judgment. Any trait, characteristic, skill, or interest (even football) can be passed onto girls without concern about whether it’s “appropriate.”

And to girls’ defense, boys are often rambunctious, obnoxious, and completely out of control. Wrestling each other to the ground, beating each other up with wet towels—these must drive their families crazy. How can you ride in the car with a bunch of boys who are literally beating each other up and wiping boogers on their brothers’ shirts? Yes, boys are dirty, at least dirtier than girls are. See? Raising a family of girls is looking better all the time!

Many people seem to think that raising a family of girls is somehow harder, but it isn’t. What makes it more tedious is that parents are still battling outdated opinions about females in general. Whether you’re a mom or a dad, with a son or a daughter, raising children is difficult. The real challenge is loving someone more than you love yourself and wanting the best for your children—it takes constant energy and effort. Sure, every dad dreams of fishing with his son or taking him to ball games. At first, a dad might feel he’s unable to do these “guy-bonding” activities because he has a daughter. He might feel awkward about diaper changes or the thought of menstrual cycles down the road. But eventually, he realizes that it doesn’t matter what gender his child is—the rest of the world just needs to get over it.

It’s comical that the dad raising a family of girls always gets the apologetic sighs. Even if a mom and her four girls are out shopping, strangers will say, “Poor dad,” right after asking if there are any boys at home. When this mom meets new people, the first question is often, “Four girls, no boys?” as if this is somehow a freak of nature. The reality is that it’s the mom who deserves the commiserating. It’s often mom who deals with all the “girl drama” and personal matters that make raising girls tricky. She’s the one who has to find clothes for herself and worry about matching her daughter’s outfits. And she’s often chastised if she decides that hair bows and pantyhose are a complete and utter waste of time (which they are).

Rather than feel sorry for a family raising an all-girl household, maybe it’s time to rethink your own preconceived notions of what the “perfect” family is and the role of females in this world. Chances are, this family is just fine—it’s your thinking that needs to catch up.