Raising Boys versus Girls – The Difference is Like Night and Day

A Facebook poll was recently posted that read simply: “Which is easier to raise, boys or girls?” Out of 265 responses, all but one commenter affirmed that boys are easier to raise than girls. But honestly, what is the difference between the two? Both are flesh-and-blood humans. This raises the question: are feminist issues really just deeply embedded schools of thought passed down from one generation to the next? Boys and girls are often accused of exhibiting many gender-specific traits, making it realistic to assume that parents are still raising their children with gender-specific behaviors and interests in mind. It’s a shame! In many ways, girls are the lucky ones—they can dance and play ball, and no one will call them names or harass them. But, generally speaking, society is still close-minded when it comes to a flute-wielding or dancing baseball pitcher.

Boys versus Girls! What are the Differences?

The first difference that parents, educators, or anyone dealing with children notice is the difference in the development of the brain for each gender. More specifically, the rate at which development occurs. However, parents also raise their boys and girls very differently from birth. How much of the differences in boys and girls is due to parental influence? For instance, when a female starts to walk, parents are more likely to coddle and protect her, while if she were a boy, they would encourage him to be rough and tumble. The same goes for interests. In many research studies, toddlers—both boys and girls—were observed by secret surveillance in rooms, and both genders showed the most interest in toys traditionally marketed toward girls. Obviously, the encouragement to role-play with dolls, Barbies, pretend kitchens, etc., is not as strongly fostered with male children as it is with girls. Essentially, the differences between boys and girls are learned early on in life.

Interestingly, many parents feel that one huge difference between boys and girls is that boys don’t listen to anything or anybody. Are they being stubborn, or could it be a genetic difference? Scientists have proven that boys don’t hear as well as girls and that girls’ hearing develops more quickly. By elementary school, a boy’s hearing may be “normal,” but it still isn’t as attuned as a girl’s. This study focused specifically on voice frequency. This difference helps explain why boys require more hands-on learning and discipline than girls. Interestingly, parents tend to feel more comfortable uprooting a boy by the hand and dragging him to time-out than they do doing the same thing to a little girl.

Today, many boys are being diagnosed with behavioral disorders such as ADHD and ADD. Compared to girls, boys make up a larger portion of those diagnosed with these disorders. Again, research concludes that one of the largest differences between boys and girls is development. Since boys develop more slowly (and don’t hear as well), they also develop speech skills at a slower pace. Many factors can lead to slow development being misinterpreted as a learning disability. The truth is, while boys’ behavior may differ from that of girls, it might just be normal for the male species. (That explains a lot, huh?)

Boys develop more physically than girls as well. While girls may sit quietly investigating the pages of a book, this activity is not well-suited for the developing boy’s mind. Boys are more likely to rip the pages of the book and try to piece them back together. Again, this can be seen as difficult behavior, but in reality, it’s simply part of their natural process of development. Because boys are so hands-on, they are often considered more difficult to raise than girls, especially in the early years.

Some of the most definite differences in the boys versus girls dynamic occur during the pre-teen, tween, and teen years. Girls are developmentally ahead, both hormonally and mentally. Combine raging pubescent hormones with this developmental edge, and girls may seem more difficult. Or are they simply ahead of their male counterparts? The hormonal changes in females are more pronounced than in males, and many researchers attribute behavior issues in girls to these changes. Again, consider how they were raised. Girls are taught to be “little ladies” and conceal their anger. While they might apologize to schoolyard friends, the boys their age are likely to settle things in a wrestling match—and that was deemed acceptable because, well, they were boys. Girls, on the other hand, are taught to restrain their emotions, which often leads to confusion as they grow older, compounded by their hormonal changes.

Societal pressure has parents of girls remaining vigilant about protecting their daughters from things like pregnancy or promiscuity. Boys, on the other hand, are rarely subjected to the same scrutiny. If a teenage boy is caught with a girly magazine, most parents would be embarrassed but likely laugh it off. The same situation with a girl would lead parents to seek counseling. So, as they develop sexually, both boys and girls receive completely mixed messages about acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, these lessons often go against the natural urges they are feeling at such a young age.

There are other major differences between boys and girls as well. Boys are often encouraged to test their limits, climb the highest mountains, and swim as far as they can. They are expected to succeed, and while parents may worry about the outcome, it’s easier for them to let go of their male children than their female ones. This sends a strong message to boys: they are empowered in many areas of their lives because the people raising them feel safer doing so. By the same token, girls are continuously protected. Think about how many times you’ll hear a grown woman referred to as “my little girl” compared to how often a grown man is referred to as “my little boy!” There’s a huge difference.

This often leads to a major difference between boys and girls: communication. Females are often accused of being overdramatic. Girls are said to be chatty, talking constantly. For parents, this can make raising girls more challenging because there’s rarely a moment of peace and quiet. However, since girls’ communication skills develop far earlier than those of boys, they are encouraged in this area. Think back! You likely encouraged and praised your little girl for talking and talking. But when your boy spoke, you were happy if he just said “thank you.” All this talking leads to drama and a life lived out loud. So with girls, there’s constant chatter and a simultaneous need for attention, praise, and advice from the adults in her life.

Raising boys versus girls isn’t really a matter of harder versus easier. It’s a matter of different. The truth is, it doesn’t have to be. If parents can come up with a clear and consistent plan for raising their children based on shared values, both boys and girls can be empowered in different areas. You may end up with girls who are just as content wrestling as you are with boys talking about their problems. And that would be a good thing!

Most of the differences aren’t about gender. Sure, boys are slower to develop, but in the end, things equal out. Without societal programming, the differences would be minimal. If you look through history, much of what girls and boys are taught comes from ancient ideals where men and women held different roles in society. Fortunately, things are changing, and the pace of change is quicker than we think. Today, women and men are increasingly seen and accepted as equals. Evolution like this doesn’t happen overnight, though, and it has taken years of movements to shift perspectives.

If you’re a parent, it’s important to assess your own deeply held—often unconscious—beliefs about what makes raising boys versus girls different. The amount of love is the same; there’s no doubt about that. Valuing the gender differences in children is important, but empowering them to feel self-confident and in control of their own lives is perhaps the most important lesson. Releasing your children from the confines of gender takes patience and work on your part, not theirs. In many families, children who are empowered to do as they choose, regardless of gender-based expectations, end up embodying qualities of both genders as they get older.

The bottom line is that raising boys versus girls is different. However, as time goes on, the differences lie more in how they are raised than in the actual physiological differences between the two. Both sexes take turns being “more difficult” for parents, depending on where they are developmentally. If you ask a parent raising 5-year-olds, they might say boys are harder. But ask parents raising 13-year-olds, and girls take the lead. The constant ebb and flow of difficulty has little to do with gender and more to do with the stage of development a child is in.

Either way, we should be grateful for what we have. We should appreciate the lessons our children teach us. Learning to see them as individuals, rather than simply as boys or girls, empowers us as parents to raise them in a way that ensures they lead happy, satisfying, and abundant lives.