Remember those sweet little girls, wearing tutu skirts and dressed in pink—whose eyes would light up the moment you walked into the room? Umm… and where the heck did they go?
For every parent raising teenage daughters, it’s easy to look back and wonder where the years have gone and why things had to change at all. Just yesterday, they were delighted to sit in your lap and read books, and now your house is filled with hormonal changes that could give even the most stable parent whiplash.
The truth is that being a girl is hard enough, but being a teenage girl is even harder. There is a ton of pressure on girls these days to grow up fast, and many parents find that their daughters are growing up way too quickly. If it’s not trouble with boys or girlfriends (who are often mean and wicked, to say the least), it’s concerns about their appearance, grades, hair, clothes, or their period that keep them acting testy. And in their defense, the world they live in is vastly different from the world you grew up in as a teen.
Raising Teenage Daughters: The Key to Parenting Through Tough Years
There is no easy way to navigate these years. The best advice parents can be given is to stick to their guns, raise their girls with morals, always remain a parent rather than a friend, and pray—a lot. The goal in raising any child, whether male or female, is to foster the kind of independence that will make them a productive member of society one day. You want to instill values in your child that will help them solve their own problems and navigate life, hopefully unscathed. With girls, this is a very difficult endeavor.
While you always need to be the parent instead of the friend, it is best to proceed with compassion when raising teenage daughters. While boys experience minimal changes and don’t have to worry about periods or whether their boobs are big enough to avoid teasing, girls do. These concerns and worries are all-encompassing for females and can be a big reason why your daughter may seem so unpredictable. It’s this inner desire to learn to accept themselves that often causes turmoil. Easily enough, the best way to help them love themselves and build self-confidence is to love them just the way they are. This doesn’t mean you will particularly like the eye-rolling, door-slamming, shoulder-shrugging, and tears that often accompany this age group, but you must learn to accept it.
Even trickier is the fact that girls use all of these changes—and their innate need to be understood—as a way to manipulate parents. If they say they hate you or treat you as if you are an embarrassment, you’re probably doing your job correctly. And you cannot allow your own insecurities about them “not liking” you to become a platform for manipulation. Girls are really good at using guilt to get their way. Stick to your guns. The bottom line is, they do love you, need you more than ever, and one day will appreciate the fact that you weren’t their doormat. Parents who become doormats not only suffer from this behavior, but their daughters do as well.
There’s an old saying that the reason little girls are so cute in the beginning of their lives is simply to draw in the undying love of their parents. While you may still see the curly-haired, bubbly little girl who used to twirl around the living room and give you sloppy kisses on your cheek, the truth is—she is growing up. And during her most monstrous moments, when you’re wondering if it’s reasonable to eat your young (or send her away to boot camp), it’s that glimmer of cuteness from yesterday that keeps you on your toes and forces you to do the right thing for your daughter.
No matter how big your teenager is getting, or how well (or unwell) she is handling life—she needs you to be a constant source of support and consistency. If she sees you wavering in any direction, you will be set on a course for disaster. The good news is that this phase, too, shall pass. Just like when she couldn’t part with her pacifier and you walked her through that heartbreak, she will need you to walk her through the heartbreaks of the teenage years.
Remember, your teenager does not have the ability to see around corners. She doesn’t truly know what lies ahead. Even though she may think she knows everything (while you know nothing), the opposite is often true. The girls whose parents continually fight for their survival—who make it their number one priority to stay involved, even when their daughters act as if they don’t want them around—raise the happiest, most self-confident, and successful women. It is you who give them their wings, and it is you who teaches them how to fly. If there are a few crashes in the middle and everyone survives… count your blessings. She is, and always will be, your little girl.
