Life has a way of taking from us. We can give to it until we bleed, and yet it still wants more. Always. As a result, life also takes from our relationships and the people we value the most. Sometimes, it’s necessary to step back, re-evaluate, and renew your commitments and statements of faith and mission toward the people you care about. The most important person affected by all that life takes from you is your significant other, your spouse. Renewing your vows is one of the clearest ways to say, “Yeah, things get tough sometimes. But I love you like crazy, and I would do this again. In fact, let’s do this again.” It’s a refresher for the marriage—it makes you both realize why you got married in the first place and re-commits you to each other.
When to Renew Your Vows
Most people believe that you have to be married for a long time, have graying hair, or even walk down the aisle for the second time, dragging your walkers with you. This is an inaccurate assumption. You can renew your vows at any stage of your marriage, and you can do it more than once. It’s a redefining moment that brings you back to your original connection. It signifies that you are still in love, still in need of each other, and that your spouse is important enough to you to make the commitment once again. This is a vital message to share.
If you’re considering asking your partner to join you in renewing your vows, you might want to carefully consider the timing. Often, the best time to do so is when things have been crazy, there’s been a lot of tension, and life has been particularly challenging. This is when we all need to feel more connected, valued, and ready to forgive and be forgiven. By renewing your vows after a particularly rough year, you send a clear message to your partner: While you’ve just weathered one of the most difficult stages of life together, he or she is still absolutely the person you want in your life every single day—no matter what.
It’s not just vital to understand your desire for renewal; some people want the reassurance, while others want to show their spouse that the “seven-year itch” is a fallacy in their world. Your wedding vows may change over time. You may have started with the usual promises of love, honor, and respect, but now feel compelled to pour your heart out, expressing how you feel in the morning when your partner is right there, with all their morning breath and quirks, yet you still find them incredibly beautiful and desirable. You might feel the urge to go deeper, to claim your partner as your soulmate in a spiritual rebirth. These thoughts and feelings are normal for married couples who have been together for a long time, especially those who have been through significant challenges over the years.
You can renew your vows in any setting you wish. Some people plan it as a second wedding, walking down the aisle again, inviting everyone they know, and making it almost like their first wedding. Others opt for a more private ceremony, just for the two of them and a few close loved ones. Some couples do it alone, just the two of them, on a cliff overlooking the ocean or in some other particularly romantic setting. Whatever works for you and your partner is perfectly fine.
If you and your spouse have been going through a difficult time and your partner doesn’t share your enthusiasm for renewing your vows, it isn’t necessarily a sign that your marriage is in trouble. During times of great difficulty, some people find it hard to tap into their most honest and intimate feelings. If your spouse isn’t as enthusiastic, it’s likely that they are afraid of not being able to express themselves as well as they would under less stressful circumstances. Unfortunately, they may not be able to articulate this well, as insight often diminishes during stressful times.
Renewing your vows can be one of the most intimate and beautiful aspects of being married. For many couples, it becomes even more meaningful than an anniversary, due to its clear intention of restating their commitment to each other. Many people choose to renew their vows on milestone anniversaries, which helps them stay focused on each other when life outside the marriage is demanding and harsh. We all need to find love and hope in each other, and for many couples, vow renewal is exactly the right prescription for refocusing on family after a challenging period or high-stress event.
