A groomsman—or best man, as he is sometimes called—once related a funny story about a friend who was asked to be the best man but had a bit of a mischievous side. Here’s how the story goes (taken from the Net):
“During the wedding ceremony, when the minister/preacher/priest reaches the part about, ‘If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace,’ have a 4-to-6-year-old boy run up the aisle yelling, ‘Daddy, daddy.’ I understand from a friend who played this joke on a relative that it took almost an hour to get the wedding started again.”
We don’t think that’s the kind of best man you should choose! While some can be great buddies when it comes to playing tricks, this is one occasion when they should leave their mischievousness at home.
Choosing a Best Man – Think ‘Role’
Choosing a best man is a decision almost as important as the decision to get married. At most weddings, the role of the best man is second only in importance to that of the bride and groom. Months before the wedding, you might think you’ve easily made your choice, but as the wedding day approaches, the selection process can become a harrowing affair.
The best man performs duties that can make or break a wedding. He is responsible for ensuring the rings are safe and actually brought to the ceremony (not forgotten in the vault at home), organizing rehearsals, giving a speech, handling various administrative tasks, and providing toasts.
However, the most important duty is providing moral support to the groom. Traditionally, the best man’s role was to ensure that the groom didn’t change his mind and leave the church. Many best men have testified that they had to persuade the groom to stay put, keeping him ‘shackled’ in the church when cold feet struck.
To give you an idea of some tried and tested rules for choosing a best man: in addition to being someone you know and trust well, he should be reliable and able to meet commitments. Avoid friends who are constantly busy, can’t stay off their cell phones and laptops, or who travel for work frequently. They may be your closest allies in times of need, but if they aren’t good wedding material, it’s best to leave them to their own devices.
The fear of public speaking is a common thread among many people. The mere thought of standing before an audience and having to say a few words can be daunting. A man who has the gift of gab, can come up with an appropriately humorous speech, and deliver it impeccably is a real asset. There are plenty of sources for ideas when it comes to writing the perfect humorous or anecdotal speech.
Appearances Count… So Does Staying Sober
Keep in mind that the person you choose as your best man will be standing alongside you on the big day and sharing much of the attention. You want someone who is presentable and well-groomed. It’s also important to choose someone who doesn’t have a love affair with alcohol. Best men are known to ‘live it up’ during the stag party and then oversleep on the big day.
One important consideration: you should never choose a best man who has had a previous romantic relationship with your bride! In fact, tradition dictates that the best man should be a bachelor himself—just in case the groom doesn’t show up and he has to hurriedly marry the bride himself.
Choosing a best man who is comfortable working with both the bride and groom is also a wise choice. While others may offer their opinions on who would make a good best man, ultimately, the decision should be the groom’s. Some wedding planning experts suggest you choose someone you will still like and respect thirty years from now.
How Others Do It
Around the world, different cultures and religions have varying expectations for the best man. In Italy, the best man greets all the wedding guests with a tray of liqueurs and is expected to cut the groom’s tie into little pieces. In parts of the Midwest, the best man passes a hat around to collect money to ‘auction’ the garter instead of throwing it. In Germany, the best man is expected to take the bride to a bar until the groom arrives to rescue her and pays the bill!
If the duties of the best man seem arduous today, spare a thought for what the best man of the past was expected to endure—though there is some confusion over where, when, and how this practice began.
During the first and second centuries, when men would literally kidnap their future brides from their families, the best man acted as a bodyguard for the groom. The groom would choose from among his strongest friends, and the ‘best’ man would be the one to protect him from any violent objections from the bride’s family.
In Scotland during Anglo-Saxon times, the best man was selected for his strength and fighting skills, rather than for his organizational abilities. The Goths in Germany had a similar tradition; the groom would seek out his most reliable friend to help with the task.
Initially, the best man stood next to the bride during the ceremony, in case the bride’s family attempted to rescue her. According to some sources, many ancient people hid an arsenal of clubs and spears somewhere in the church for just such a possibility!
Apart from threats from the bride’s family, the best man himself could pose a risk. Apparently, too many best men grew too fond of the bride, which led to their position being changed to where it is today—at the groom’s side. The bride stands to the left of the groom so he can keep his right hand free for defense.
Best Man: Modern Version
At many weddings today, the best man is often the groom’s brother, typically the one closest to him in age. If he doesn’t have a brother, a father, uncle, cousin, or otherwise the groom’s best male friend might be chosen as the best man.
It’s also acceptable for a groom to have two best men if he simply can’t decide among his options. In this case, duties would generally be divided equally; one man would be responsible for the rings, while the other would handle speeches and toasts. Having two best men also allows for a humorous ‘double act’ speech.
But whether your best man is your lifelong friend, brother, or cousin, the importance of the role remains the same. The best man is the multitasker par excellence—serving as advisor, organizer, toastmaster, greeter, speechwriter, ring-keeper, moral support, confidant, best friend, and if necessary, a gofer.
