Setting Boundaries with Teenagers

teenage boy on dark green background

Teenagers are a unique blend of adult behaviors and appearances combined with childlike mentalities, constantly reminding us that they are not quite yet adults. They can present themselves as adults, and often look, smell, conduct their business, and relate to their parents on a very adult level. We have asked them to, and for the most part, they comply.

When you have a mature child, it can be difficult in their later teens to realize that they are still not quite adults. Giving them too much freedom may not encourage their growth but instead cause regressive behaviors as they experience the drawbacks of too much freedom.

The Balance Between Freedom and Responsibility

Freedom and responsibility should go hand in hand, with no substitute for either. You want your child to be independent, and allowing them space to grow encourages this. However, a teenager without boundaries is playing by the roll of the dice, and how unfortunate would it be if one wrong decision crippled everything good in their world?

A few basic boundaries can go a long way. Simple boundaries that require discipline, respect, and a basic understanding of prioritizing can add immense value to their last few years as teenagers. Yes, they are growing up, but they will still be growing up when they are twenty-two. Growing up takes time.

Your child has probably had chores since they were young, and just because they’re in their final year at home or have shown immense maturity lately doesn’t mean the simple chores should disappear. The last time I checked, my chores don’t go away, no matter how good I am in the world. Cutting them too much slack can actually encourage them to slack off in the world.

Your teenager may be the most responsible kid in the world, but curfews are still a good idea. Curfews help your child set their own limits while they are out there without your guidance. A child who respects their curfew is more likely to make the right decision, while a good kid without a curfew may decide to deviate from their normally responsible behavior.

Some kids, who have shown overall good sense throughout their lives, may suddenly decide in their last couple of years at home that they are going to “live it up.” This is somewhat normal but still requires a parent’s guidance and limitations to keep them from running wild. They still need to be held accountable for their actions, even after they reach the ripe age of eighteen, with only a few months of school left before they are off to college and all that awaits them.

Boundaries are a signal to kids that you care about their well-being. A kid without boundaries is likely to conclude that since mom and dad don’t care, why should they? Boundaries prove that you are concerned with their well-being and the type of individual they will become.

Boundaries are also good guidelines for you. Parents can be easily distracted, especially when their teenager isn’t the squeakiest wheel in your life. Boundaries set ground rules for both of you, determining what is expected and what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met. For you, they can be a gauge of how your teenager is doing. A teenager struggling with growing up may start breaking boundaries as a test of your care and as a way to have stricter limitations placed on them to avoid the difficulties they face with becoming a fully-fledged adult. Growing up and being responsible can be scary, and sometimes kids are just begging for you to take some of their impending responsibility away from them.

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