When a friend was asked to list her goals, this is what she wrote:
- I want to lose weight.
- I want to be popular with the opposite sex.
- I want to earn a high salary.
If you’ve read enough about human motivation and the psychology of success, you’ll immediately recognize the issues with this list.
What’s wrong with these goals?
Let’s take the first one. She wants to lose weight. Fair enough. Losing weight is often recommended by doctors for overweight individuals who are at risk for heart disease, diabetes, or high blood pressure. Our friend is excited, proud of having set her goals. However, our instincts tell us that she needs to refine and clarify that goal further.
For instance:
- How much weight does she want to lose?
- What time frame is she considering?
- How does she plan to achieve this goal?
It’s not enough to simply say, “I want to lose weight.” Our friend needs to phrase her goal in a way that narrows her focus and creates specific benchmarks. Yes, benchmarks—though they may sound like corporate jargon, they are essential in goal setting. So, our friend’s goal statement should read like this:
“I want to lose weight. More specifically, I want to lose 20 pounds in total. My goal is to lose 7 pounds in January, another 7 in February, and the final 6 in March. Currently, I weigh 165 pounds. By March 31, I aim to weigh 145 pounds. To lose these pounds, I will run three times a week for 30 minutes, go to the gym twice a week for resistance exercises, take a dance class on Saturday, and go for an hour-long walk on Sunday. Once a week, I will weigh myself. If I notice I may not be able to lose 7 pounds in a given month, I’ll double my efforts at the gym by increasing the frequency and intensity of my workouts. I may also switch to a vegetarian diet for three months until I reach my ideal weight.”
Doesn’t that sound like she knows exactly what she wants and is determined to achieve it? By setting clear parameters, she breaks her goal into manageable components, reducing the likelihood of giving up when immediate results aren’t visible.
Our point is simple: stating a goal is not enough. You can think of it like making a salad. A salad doesn’t begin and end with a bag of spring greens—you need additional ingredients like carrots, tomatoes, sprouts, and pine nuts. You also need virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, and a squeeze of fresh lemon. As you add each ingredient, your salad becomes more appetizing, palatable, and, undoubtedly, more delicious. The same applies to goals—by refining them, you make them more attractive, achievable, and manageable. It also elevates your desires, transforming them into an exciting challenge that motivates you to push forward and reach the finish line.
If Setting Personal Goals Involves a Man…
Our friend’s second goal—wanting to be more attractive to the opposite sex—well, don’t we all want that? We also know, with a bit of regret, that the current ratio of women to men is typically 2:1. The competition is fierce. In fact, about a year ago, we read an article online with an eye-catching title: “Want to Hook a Man Quickly? Relocate to Manville.” (We made up “Manville” because we forgot the real name of the place.)
The article suggested that women seeking a partner should avoid big cities like New York, Boston, or Toronto, where finding a man is harder. Instead, women should head to smaller towns. The article even named a few towns in the U.S. where men outnumber women. It’s a pity we didn’t bookmark the page, as we could’ve shared it with our friend, who lives in a large city.
We got sidetracked there for a moment.
Back to our friend’s second goal—she should phrase it like this:
“I want to be more attractive to the opposite sex. Specifically, the type of man I’m interested in has a steady job, doesn’t have curly hair, believes in commitment and family life, enjoys sports, and is comfortable with tall women. I will not waste time on individualistic men, those who drive red sports cars, snort, snore, or are simply boring. I’ll say no to married men, no to paragliders and bungee jumpers, and no to men who endlessly talk about their mother’s perfect cannelloni dish. To attract the man of my dreams, I’ll invest in pheromones, a fitness trainer, an image consultant, and an esthetician. I’ll have my nose fixed and hire a relationship consultant to teach me empathy, sympathy, and improve my people and conversational skills.”
Not a shred of nonsense there. The lady knows what she wants and is determined to get it. Do we think she’ll succeed? Chances are high, because she’s narrowed down her options. When pursuing goals, success often comes from trimming down the unnecessary, focusing on a feasible plan, and taking targeted action.
Go, girl.
Setting Personal Goals Also Requires Flexibility
Flexibility is crucial for several reasons:
- Life circumstances change, so goals must adapt. For example, if your goal is to become more active in your community by helping the homeless find subsidized housing, but then your company announces you’re being promoted to vice president and need to relocate, this goal may need to be put on hold or modified.
- Success isn’t always guaranteed. If you want to start a landscaping business but struggle to find enough clients despite your efforts and you’ve already invested a lot of money, it might be time to reassess your goal. Consider shifting to a different business, finding a job to save up, learning new marketing strategies, and networking. Maybe you jumped into the landscaping business too quickly without fully evaluating it, so there’s still room for a second or even third attempt.
To be successful, setting personal goals should be your number one priority because it’s through goal-setting that you determine where you want to go. The second priority is to qualify those goals and break them down into manageable, time-bound steps. The third priority is to define the actions you’ll take to reach those goals. Flexibility is the key ingredient throughout this process because, along the way, you may discover new insights that require adjustments or a complete shift in your goals.
What’s most important is knowing what you want. Then, you bite the bullet and fight until the bitter end—just like a true soldier.
