We’re still debating which is worse: a sexless marriage or a marriage full of snores. Both are grounds for divorce.
Just as there are “state-of-the-art” devices designed to lower snore decibels and can be worn at bedtime — obviously when the roaring and howling are happening — there are also best-selling kama sutras and other how-to manuals that suggest positions to stimulate sexual desire.
And don’t forget about pillow talk techniques.
For every problem, there’s a solution at hand. They may not always be the best solutions, but it’s not as if we have no options.
So, ladies and gentlemen, what seems to be the problem? Why do you have a sexless marriage?
Even body odor can be eliminated if you can no longer bear NOT breathing during your intimate relations, or does your partner’s skin feel like sandpaper?
What are your biggest turn-offs to sex? Why do they kill desire so much that not even the most suggestive black satin lingerie can rekindle that desire in you?
If it’s any consolation, those of us suffering from a sexless marriage have counterparts on the other side of the fence. They’re complaining that their marriages are built on sex — and sex alone. Oversexed spouses, that’s what they call them: powerhouses of energy.
What gives?
Sexless Marriages – A National Epidemic?
We certainly hope it’s not a national epidemic. However, the trends seem to be pointing in that direction. We say this because it’s not the sexless marriage itself that is the problem, but the reasons that make men and women lose interest in something that once provoked hunger pangs. The old flame is flickering, dwindling, and fading away. When there are no flames, it can get awfully dark in the bedrooms of America, Canada, and the rest of the Arctic world.
Sex is to marriage what flour is to cake. To bake a real pearl of a cake, you need flour. Otherwise, the cake won’t rise. (Okay, so it’s the yeast that actually makes a cake rise, but without flour, you wouldn’t have a cake. Let’s not argue the detail to death.)
Without sex, there could still be a marriage on paper and in the eyes of everyone who witnessed the ceremony. But a sexless marriage is a recipe for disaster. Couples will tolerate that vacuum in their lives for a while, thinking it’s normal to go without sex. However, if this becomes a habit, we ought to start screaming, “Where’s the beef?”
The reasons for not having sex are varied, but there’s evidence to show that these are the same reasons that snuff out the love people once had for each other.
Popular Dr. Phil offered these insights on why we’re dealing with the problem of sexless marriages. If it’s happening in at least 50% of households, it just might qualify as a national epidemic.
Men and women are going through biological changes
We used to think that only women suffered these changes, but it seems men aren’t spared either. As we age, there are “weird” things that happen to our bodies. We’re not talking about turning gray, developing brittle bones, or growing corns on our feet. We’re talking about what’s going on inside — to our mind, emotions, and overall feeling of wellness. Yes, these changes are more psychological in nature, but biological changes cause some of these psychological shifts. For women, lower hormone levels can affect sexual appetite. When menopause rears its ugly head, do you think women will obsess over lack of sex? We think they’d rather avoid it.
Individuals are depleting their sleep bank
One day, when we chatted with our aunt in California about sexless marriages, she asked us if we’d heard the slogan, “60 is the new 40.” Of course, we replied, “That’s old news!” Then she came back with another question: “Well, did you hear about the new sex?”
We said, “No.” She said that last week, some smart pseudo-scientist claimed that sleep is the new sex. “How so?” we asked. She replied, “More and more people would rather sleep than have sex. That’s why they’re called ‘married singles.'”
If sleep is the issue, and you’re too tired to make the first move in bed, there’s a wide range of sleep disorder clinics across the country — and even across the border. There are sleep specialists who can help you catch up on those 40 winks.
Why are the children in OUR bedroom, honey?
Couples often shy away from sex because children love to jump into mom and dad’s big, wide bed. You can’t really explain it to them because they’re too young and innocent. Even if they have their own rooms, you dare not engage in hanky-panky in case one of them wakes up from a nightmare.
When your beautiful baby cries at night and you’ve had a long day at work, who can think of sex at midnight? It wasn’t like this when you were dating. Goodness, midnight was the best time to be intimate. There was something kinky about the nocturnal hour.
Me, Depressed?
Yes, folks. Dr. Phil believes depression plays a key role in sexless marriages. Some people recognize the signs of depression, which may run in families. Depression can be caused by a traumatic event or by insufficient chemicals in the brain. While depression has become common currency these days, it can be difficult to diagnose when the root cause is unclear. It could be physiological or purely psychological.
Naturally, depression prevents a person from desiring intimacy. When someone is depressed, there’s nothing they want to do. The appetite for food and life disappears overnight.
I’m not Superman, I’m just tired
Lack of energy is another culprit for sexless marriages. “Jim doesn’t understand what I go through at the office. I agreed to take on this high-stress corporate job because we needed more money to buy the things we’ve always wanted. But my job as customer relations manager obliges me to charm and seduce every irate customer. Naturally, my job is to convince them that our product is the best. Doing that at least 30 times a day is enough sex for me.”
A vicious cycle, they all say. When you don’t take care of your body through nutrition and exercise, fatigue levels soar. And when fatigue is high, sex is low. Too tired for sex — that’s what you’ll hear most people say these days.
Sexless Marriages – Can a Therapist Help?
If you can’t pinpoint what’s behind this absent desire, perhaps a therapist can offer some valuable advice.
There are many possible reasons for sexless marriages. Some cases involve rare theories, such as a woman suddenly deciding to stop having sex after marriage. Maybe she was a rape victim years ago and has never emotionally healed. Or maybe she was sexually abused in a previous marriage and can’t cope with intimacy because it triggers memories of her past.
This is where an independent third party can help. If your marriage is worth saving, and we believe it is, and the lack of sex is threatening to tear it apart, find out how you can reignite the spark.
After therapy, you might find yourself walking out of the therapist’s office with a song in your heart.
Hey, honey, do you remember where you put that Kama Sutra book we were looking at 10 years ago?
Under the mattress, perhaps?
