There are some things about being married that make certain aspects of life more difficult. One of those things is money! It’s no surprise that more couples argue and eventually divorce over financial issues than any other reason. Money, in many instances, is a source of power. If one person in a marriage controls all of the money and denies the other access to it, the balance of marital power shifts. Even if this is initially done because one half of the partnership is more naturally adept at budgeting, it can eventually lead to complicated emotions that disrupt a harmonious marriage.
The Shared Bank Account Dilemma
The question will eventually arise: Is sharing a bank account a good idea? Most financial experts recommend that married couples EACH have some degree of autonomy when it comes to money. They also advise that couples maintain a household checking and savings account to centrally manage routine monthly expenses. However, with many couples struggling to make ends meet each month, the idea of having enough money to divide across multiple accounts can seem like a dream only for the wealthy. The financial principle is no different from any other realm of life: balance is key!
Sharing a bank account has its drawbacks. Millions of people have a hard time balancing a checking account when only one person has access to a debit card and checkbook. Add a second person to the mix, and it can be a recipe for disaster. However, it can work, and it’s probably a good idea to have a central shared bank account where both spouses can see how much money is coming in and going out each month. This shared account should be the source for paying household bills, groceries, and expenses like gas for the cars. In other words, the living expenses that come with being married.
One of the problems arises when one spouse makes more money or works more outside the home, leading to an imbalance in the amount deposited by each person. This situation can cause tension when spouse A deposits all of their money into the account, only to find that spouse B has spent it all.
The easiest way to avoid the money struggle with a shared account is to take a weekly inventory. Yes, weekly! With online banking, it’s easier than ever. Instead of guessing how much you can spend on groceries or whether those new Madison jeans are in your future, both of you can sit down every week and review what needs to be paid and how much money you have. Depending on your pay schedule, this can vary drastically from week to week. However, by sitting down together to pay the bills and then reviewing and budgeting the leftover money (if you’re lucky), the shared bank account is more likely to stay balanced.
The next challenge arises when couples decide to have separate bank accounts. If spouse A works full-time and spouse B stays home with the kids and manages domestic duties, how should the couple decide how much money to allocate to spouse B’s bank account? If the allocation is too little, it can diminish spouse B’s sense of worth. Additionally, should this “mad money” in the private account be justified to spouse A? The easiest solution is to equally divide the separate account deposits so each spouse gets the same. These accounts can then be used for personal expenses. The key is that the shared account remains central. If you need to dip into the savings account to pay bills, it shouldn’t be solely one spouse’s responsibility to take money from their ‘personal’ account.
Sharing a bank account is much more complicated than sharing a bed. Balancing transactions from two people can strain the relationship. There will always be one spouse who feels that their spending needs are more important than the other’s. At the same time, saving is vital for both marital and financial success. You should always pay yourself first, using a 401(k) or savings account that both spouses can’t easily access. It’s crucial to establish that these accounts are off-limits, no matter what, as a way to manage marital finances.
The bottom line is that no two people will have the same spending habits or money management skills. However, this doesn’t mean either should be excluded from financial decisions or denied money. One spouse should not unilaterally decide what is worth spending money on over the other’s opinion. Open communication about these matters, and learning to agree to disagree and compromise, is essential. Additionally, thinking of a shared bank account as a symbol of your relationship can be helpful. You wouldn’t intentionally be selfish, greedy, wasteful, or mean-spirited with each other’s hearts, so you shouldn’t treat the money between the two of you that way either. When you realize that how you handle money is often a large indicator of the success of your marriage, it becomes clear that as long as you are upfront and honest with one another, sharing a bank account is a good idea. From that point on, each of you can have an equal allowance in personal accounts where you can spend as you wish, without hurting or taking away from your partner’s life.