Should Children Sleep in Their Parents Bed?

Of all the things parents argue or disagree about, whether or not children should sleep in their parent’s bed can be a ‘deal breaker.’ If mom feels that co-sleeping is fine and cozy, but dad spends more time on the couch, resentment is sure to set in. This can lead to the beginning of the end of a marriage. When it comes to answering this question, it should be discussed within a marriage and family, and the decision should be based on the needs of both the children and the adults in the home.

It is difficult to find professionals who will openly stand up for co-sleeping. On the other hand, those who are against it are often loud and obnoxious, making parents who sleep with their children feel as though they are violating some unwritten law. For the sake of fairness, both sides of the issue should be presented.

Yes, there are some safety concerns that come with co-sleeping. Many parents have rolled over on infants and smothered them, which is especially dangerous in early infancy when the baby is small, and mom and dad are exhausted. During these months, parents who like the idea of co-sleeping may want to invest in one of those little cribs or attachments that allow the baby to be right there but still provide a definite boundary so they can’t be smothered by a body, pillow, or blanket. On the flip side, mothers who are breastfeeding may find that one of the beauties of breastfeeding is that they don’t have to get out of bed to feed the baby, and the transition between wakefulness and sleep is much less noticeable. There is also nothing quite as relaxing or bonding as a sleeping infant lying on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, and slumbering in warmth.

The Challenge of Breaking Co-Sleeping Habits

When babies grow up, co-sleeping can easily turn into a hard habit to break. Many toddlers start out sleeping in their own bed for a few years, but after a stint with an illness where they were allowed to sleep with mom and dad, they realize they like it better. Then, they can be difficult to move out of the bed. Professionals agree wholeheartedly that an important aspect of growing up is autonomy in every respect, and young children should be able to soothe themselves back to sleep and stay in their own beds without a problem. Many suggest that kids who don’t develop this ability are more prone to having issues as they get older. However, for the millions of co-sleeping parents, they seem to think this is all rubbish. No matter how much parents try to keep their kids little and dependent, they all eventually do the opposite in their own time. If parents are comfortable having cold feet poke into their ribs and their king-size bed being nearly taken over by a three-foot-high toddler, so be it! Let them stay there. Many parents love sleeping with their children and find that the bedtime routine is much easier that way, offering a closeness that is unattainable elsewhere.

Speaking of routines, new parents especially feel like they have to follow some sort of rules in a book about how to get their child to sleep. Crying it out, patting their bottom, or other similar procedures may work over time. However, parents who co-sleep may feel that a child should go to sleep happily, in loving arms, and peacefully, without having to go through such a fuss. After all, parenting advice is largely based on opinion and rarely takes into account the individual child it is meant to control. If your child doesn’t like being alone, has a hard time falling asleep, is afraid of the dark, or simply wants some extra snuggle time with you after a long day apart, what is the real harm in that? Few 13-year-olds are still sleeping with mom and dad, and the child will eventually wake up one day and realize that being that close to their parents is just weird.

Professionals and experts also argue that the family bed causes a great divide in marriages. Perhaps this is true, especially if one parent isn’t excited about the idea. However, there are plenty of other places and beds to have sex, and after a few years of marriage and a couple of kids, most parents really just want to go to sleep at bedtime. This is why the subject of whether children should sleep in their parent’s bed is something that should be answered together!

Essentially, this whole issue really shouldn’t be an issue at all. Whether you share the family bed or let your toddler cry it out night after night is a personal decision that needs to be made based on what works for you, your family, and your child. The ramifications of either choice are not long-lasting and will not cause any permanent psychological damage to a child. Parents who believe in the family bed derive something very special from the experience that can’t be discounted simply because some experts or pediatricians think it’s wrong. Your pediatrician doesn’t live in your home, doesn’t truly understand your bedtime routine, and as long as health and well-being are not being jeopardized, they should have no influence over your decision or how you feel about the issue. Parents who strictly oppose the family bed are also justified in their decision and are setting a clear boundary between their space and their children’s place in the home. Whether marriages are happier or children are better off one way or the other is anyone’s guess.

Should children sleep in their parent’s bed? If things in your home seem to work out more smoothly because you sleep with your child and you don’t feel resentful about it, then yes—absolutely, co-sleep away. If you are uncomfortable with it for any reason, then no—they shouldn’t. With so many other issues to worry about in life and these early years being so short, families need to do what is right for them, in their own time, and consider the best interests of the individuals involved. This is a personal decision and should remain one, free from judgment or criticism from either side. It should also be a choice that is made early on in life yet remains flexible enough to be changed should the need arise. Children are famous for going through phases, and often what works right now won’t work out well in the years to come.