It is surprising that even after the evolution of women’s liberation and all the progress that women have made in the world, so many are still easily willing to give up their last name for the sake of marriage. Most engaged women experience a few weeks or even days where they contemplate retaining their maiden name. However, tradition or excitement often leads them to decide that changing their last name is the best thing to do. Should you keep your maiden name? The answer is a personal one, and perhaps one that requires careful thought.
For every woman who thinks about keeping her maiden name, there are probably five who don’t give it any thought. If you are considering keeping your maiden name, chances are you should continue giving it serious thought. Perhaps you don’t like your future spouse’s last name, don’t want to deal with the hassle of changing your license, business cards, or mail, or maybe your new last name is going to sound like something out of a fairy tale. “Mary Fairy” or “Mary B. Goode” are not names you’d likely want to be called. (And those examples are mild!) Other reasons to keep your maiden name include having a professional brand already associated with it, such as the name of your business or art studio. Even if none of these reasons apply to you, if you are even remotely considering retaining your maiden name, it’s worth taking time to think it through. After all, you will have this name for the rest of your life (at least, hopefully).
Pros and Cons: The Name Change Debate
There are definitely pros and cons to each side of this debate. Changing your maiden name is something that many women think about from the time they are in kindergarten. There was always that one boy in your class, and you’d doodle your name combined with his over and over again on loose-leaf notebook paper. It’s almost as if the name change is part of growing up—moving on and away from your family. It is a rite of passage into married life, having the facilitator introduce you as Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So after the ceremony! That moment is something little girls dream about as they grow up.
Additionally, there is a certain appeal to taking a man’s name. In a way, it symbolizes that this man will take care of you, that you belong to him, and that you have joined his family as a matriarchal member. If you are planning on having children, changing your last name at marriage can also clear up a lot of confusion and questions down the road.
As for keeping your maiden name, there are benefits to that as well. By holding onto your identity, you avoid the bureaucratic hurdles that newly married women face when simply writing a check or paying an electric bill. It is also easier if, in the future, you decide that your soulmate is not quite all he was cracked up to be. Similarly, in some families, the family name is dying out, and women may feel that keeping their maiden name is one of the few ways to preserve a long-lived family heritage. Perhaps your fiancé would be kind enough to consider taking your last name instead?
One way to avoid the decision altogether is to compromise. You could keep your first and last names and drop your middle name, making your old last name your new middle name! How’s that for a confusing twist? As far as paperwork and headaches go, changing your middle and last name is no more difficult than just changing your last name, so marriage is an ideal time to do so. Many women choose this option. Another choice is the hyphenated name, which retains your maiden name while incorporating your new surname. The only downside is that it takes up more space on a nameplate, and your children will still only have one of your names.
Should you keep your maiden name? What exactly is in a name? You’ve spent your entire life being who you are, being called by your name, and writing your legal name. Giving it up feels like giving up a part of yourself. Ironically, marriage often involves giving up a large part of who you are. Perhaps the reason you’re questioning the name change is because you have some well-deserved doubts or second thoughts about marriage itself. You wouldn’t be the first. The one thing you can be assured of is that no matter where you are, what you are called, or what your name is, you are still you. By accepting the name of a man you love, you are following an aged old tradition of marriage, crossing through a threshold of life, marriage, and adulthood.
