An article in Parenting’s online magazine suggests that while kids may not need a phone at age 9, they likely will by the time they turn 12. Although some may argue that even 12-year-olds are too young to have a phone, there are several reasons why they might need one:
- They need to stay in close touch with their parents in case they need help.
- Many kids take public transportation, so parents want their kids to call them if they don’t make it to school or get home in time.
- It goes beyond peer pressure. You don’t want your child to feel deprived because the other kids they hang out with have phones. Years ago, a smartphone was a luxury for a young child, but today it’s commonplace. Kids use phones to interact with friends and family, find out what people are saying about the latest film, or learn how to “GPS” their way to a destination.
- Phones can connect kids who are coping with loneliness or social isolation, linking them to others who feel the same way.
However, it’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, phones provide protection for kids, especially if they stray off course. On the other hand, easy access to social media makes it simple for predators to find their next victim.
The news is filled with stories of kids being cyber-bullied or preyed upon by people who exploit their vulnerability. This reality triggers a “protect my child” instinct in parents, especially when they hear stories from friends about their own kids almost becoming victims. Suddenly, parents feel that their top priority is to know exactly what their kids are up to, who they interact with, and what kinds of texts and messages they post online. Kids often disregard caution when it comes to social media connections.
This need to monitor kids has led social media entrepreneurs to scramble for parental control software and related apps specifically designed for this purpose.
An interesting point: The increased demand for parents and teachers to monitor the devices of pre-teens and teens has resulted in a massive market, predicted to grow to US$ 9.5 billion by the end of 2023 (Market Research Future, December 2017). The competition among providers of monitoring tools is fierce. The BBC reports that almost 80% of American kids own smartphones. Given their easy access to the Internet and social media, parents are concerned. However, monitoring kids’ phones has also created friction in the parent-child relationship.
Kids, Parents, and Phones: How Far Should We Take It?
Should parents spy on their kids’ phones?
“Spy” is too harsh a word. “Monitor” is more appropriate. “Spying” suggests negative activity and provokes strong reactions from kids who see it as interference and an invasion of their personal privacy.
The BBC summed it up well: “The trouble is, this particular subject isn’t covered in the parental playbook; that chapter hasn’t been written yet, and society hasn’t had time to form standards. We have a drinking age and a driving age, but there’s no solid conventional wisdom about at what age kids can safely go online solo or text a friend on their cell phone — or about what our role as parents should be in keeping tabs on our tykes.”
This entire discussion is based on the fact that we, as parents, love our kids and need to protect them. That’s our principal responsibility. There’s just too much sleaze online, not to mention toxic dialogues, bullying, and intimidation, which can irreparably damage healthy relationships.
Kids may not appreciate being monitored, but if you explain your reasons and raise their awareness about potential dangers, they might agree to periodic monitoring or practice more restraint about what they text and post.
Some kids will protest vigorously, using words like “lack of trust,” “abuse of parental controls,” and “killing my freedom.” Be firm. The need to monitor our kids’ phones is our duty. It is mandatory.
There are ways to go about it. Companies that design parental control software and apps encourage parents to tell their kids that their phones and computers are being monitored. This way, you don’t surprise them. It also reassures them that despite your busy schedule, ensuring their safety is your #1 priority.
As a parent, you can:
- Start a conversation with real-life stories – When you alert your kids to potential dangers, don’t just say, “There are people out there with malicious intentions.” Awareness is key. Use concrete examples of crimes that people are capable of committing.
For example, the US Homeland Security Unit reported a case where a stranger took a snapshot of an 11-year-old girl who was in a family car. It seemed harmless, but the girl’s photo was later posted on a website visited by pedophiles who discussed how to rape her and get away with it. https://www.dhs.gov/cyber-crime-cases
Another story: 14-year-old Jade Stringer was bullied by numerous people because of her good looks and popularity. Unable to handle the pressure, she took her own life. See story #4 in https://www.oddee.com/item_98356.aspx
Engage in a positive conversation. Ask casually about what websites they visited that day, and who they were chatting with, then verify what they say. There are apps for that — Google them and select the one most appropriate for you.
- Learn the lingo and acronyms – You’re familiar with LOL (laugh out loud) or JK (just kidding), but did you know about LMIRL (let’s meet in real life), NIFOC (naked in front of computer), or PIR (parent in room)? Awareness is key!
- Do random, not scheduled checks – Tell your kids that you’ll decide when to monitor their phones, without specifying times. You pay for their phone and service, so you are the rightful owner. As the rightful owner, you can check their phones whenever you choose.
- Encourage extracurricular or athletic activities – Our parents and grandparents didn’t have cell phones. They entertained themselves by playing outside, learning a musical instrument, reading a book, swimming, or hiking. Today’s kids lead sedentary lifestyles (you’ve heard of young kids suffering from diabetes or high cholesterol) because the only exercise they get is using their thumbs! Engaging in extracurricular activities can help them spend less time on their cell phones.
- Keep emphasizing old-fashioned values like respect and honesty – Tell your kids that a little respect goes a long way. If they get into a fight, they shouldn’t post photos online calling Helen a bitch or labeling John a loser. No one deserves to be maliciously shamed in public. Teach them to keep their anger and resentments private.
- Insist on self-restraint when posting personal information – We don’t need to remind you about the safety of your kids and your family. No phone numbers, addresses, email addresses, or banking/credit card information should be posted online. These bits of information are not for public consumption. Wealthy families have run into trouble because their kids openly discuss their rich lifestyles on sites like Instagram.
Conclusion: Yes, you must monitor your child’s cell phone and computer activity. Be honest with them, tell them you worry about their safety, and that checking their social media activity is the only way to ensure that they’re safe. Focus on positive monitoring, raising their awareness daily!
As Danny Mekić said, “People feel uncomfortable when they have to divulge personal information during a police interrogation. Isn’t it strange that one-sixth of the world population spreads such information on social media?”
