Three kids and three bedrooms in your house. Mom and dad definitely get one of those rooms, which leaves two to be shared between the children. Today’s parents often feel an overwhelming sense of guilt about having their children share a room, to the point that many families will buy a bigger house just to remedy the situation. Other families quickly add on a room or two to make their home large enough to accommodate every child. All of this money being spent is to defray the question: Should siblings share rooms? Some parents adamantly say no, while others do whatever it takes to give their kids a place to sleep. The truth is, there are advantages and disadvantages to both approaches. Still, parents shouldn’t feel like they are letting their children down or that they aren’t providing enough simply because they have no choice but to make the kids share rooms.
The Benefits of Sharing a Room
Believe it or not, there are benefits to having siblings share rooms. For one thing, they learn to compromise and negotiate at a very young age. For many children, sharing a room means setting clear boundaries and claiming ownership of what is theirs. This can be character-building and enables them to develop social skills they wouldn’t otherwise acquire. Of course, it can also lead to arguments, but that too helps develop their social abilities. Another advantage is that siblings sharing a room learn a sense of acceptance—that other people are different from them. One sibling may be into horses, while the other is into softball. The merging of these two interests teaches them how to accept differences. They may not like these differences, and they might resent one another’s choice of décor, but they will eventually learn how to negotiate the situation together. This skill alone can take them far in life, or at the very least, make them realize that they definitely want their own room as soon as they grow up.
Many parents believe that having children share rooms makes them closer, and this can be seen as an advantage if it is true. However, in many families, the opposite is true, and the close proximity actually causes the siblings to argue and bicker more. If the two children sharing a room already have a tense relationship, the shared space can be a definite point of contention. It’s difficult for siblings, especially if they inherently don’t get along, to share the same room. Unfortunately, this doesn’t give them much room to get away from one another when they need it.
You will find, however, that late-night conversations between siblings who share a room will inevitably take place, and they will make memories together that will last a lifetime (in spite of themselves, of course). The two kids sharing the room will, at times, find solace in having a space to share and someone in it to talk to—especially when they are trying to gain an upper hand over mom and dad. As your children grow older, this camaraderie can sometimes lead to behavior problems, where one child engages the other in less-than-desirable activities.
Consider the Ages and Needs of Your Children
Another important factor to consider when deciding whether siblings should share a room is the age difference between them. It makes more sense to have two toddlers share a room—even if one is a boy and the other a girl—than to have a 12-year-old and a 3-year-old share a room. Many parents feel it isn’t right to make opposite-sex children share a room, and an older child is often left with less personal space when they need it most. Additionally, younger children tend to share more common interests, like toys or hobbies, which can make the situation easier to manage.
Probably the most important aspect of deciding whether your children will share a room is to be creative with the space. It’s easy to come up with dividing walls, curtains, or even different paint schemes that give each child a sense of individuality and ownership. Of course, you don’t want to construct walls that make the rooms even smaller, but using these creative ideas of separation will make the shared space more comfortable. Keep in mind that your children are just that—children. They are going to fight, argue, complain, whine, and bicker, whether they have their own room or not.
Should Siblings Share Rooms?
Should siblings share rooms? If they have to, the answer is definitely yes. Parents need to stop feeling like they are bad parents simply because they can’t afford a bigger house. Some families with enough rooms for all their children still have the kids share a room to leave one room free as a game room, playroom, or even a guest room. If you have family that visits often, it isn’t fair to always make your child give up their bed, and converting an extra room into a guest room can be the easy fix. Similarly, when your kids reach their teenage years, using one of the bedrooms as a media, game, or office room can provide them with separate spaces—except when it comes to sleeping.
Obviously, there can be pitfalls to sharing rooms. If one child doesn’t sleep well, they’ll wake the other. If one is overly neat and the other is a slob, they will argue. But the bottom line is that the answer depends on what works for your family. Building a bigger home and stretching your finances just to give your child an individual room seems a bit indulgent. After all, the time your kids spend in your home is short. In fact, they spend the smallest part of their life living under your roof, and all that extra space will just cause a bigger case of empty nest syndrome when they leave. What works for your family will be different than what works for another, so you need to make the best of what you have.