A completely new breed of parents has emerged over the last two decades. With these parents has come the rapid proliferation of brick-and-mortar institutions designed to care for children while parents work. Many of these parents believe wholeheartedly that daycare is necessary for several reasons, the first of which is often financial. These are the parents who are forced to place their kids in daycare as a last resort, often as soon as maternity leave ends. Regardless of the reasons, the harsh truths weigh heavily on the minds of these new parents, making it difficult to consider that there might be another, better way to care for their children.
First of all, it is important to acknowledge that many people genuinely have no choice in the matter. That being said, if daycare is the only option to pay the utility bills (not for big-screen TVs and fancy cars), these parents should not be criticized. However, others need to fully understand the implications of their decisions. Should you send your child to daycare? The choice is personal, but the ramifications of that decision are significant.
Daycare has its uses. However, it’s hard to imagine what a day in the life of a newborn, baby, or toddler looks like. No matter what, they do not get the freedom to sleep in, lounge on the couch, or explore their surroundings freely. Daycare is structured, and for good reason: with so many children and few adults, it must be rigid or it simply wouldn’t work. Yet, why would anyone leave their precious newborn or baby—who cannot yet voice their opinion—in the hands of people earning minimum wage? While many daycares employ qualified staff, the reality is that if parents struggle with their colicky baby, how will someone who doesn’t love them feel about it? If parents are frustrated by poor sleeping habits, picky eating, or lack of timely potty training, how will strangers react when the same child doesn’t fit the “normal” mold of parenting and childhood?
It’s preposterous to think that any infant or baby should endure 8-10 hour days where every moment is a competition for attention. As they grow, they learn to defend their toys and are constantly forced to conform to rules and regulations similar to an adult’s workday. When you’re tired of your boss or fed up with workplace politics, you have outlets; an innocent child does not. They are forced to go, forced to stay, while parents are left to believe whatever the daycare tells them.
Should you send your child to daycare? Many employees at even the best daycare centers have leaked information about what really goes on. Those handy little sheets that inform parents of what their child did today are often filled out long before the day has started—sometimes even days in advance. Directors know what parents “want to hear,” and pleasing parents translates to higher tuition. The motto in most daycares is “send them home dry,” meaning as long as the children aren’t soiled or wet when picked up, all is well. The rest of the day involves scrambling to change all the babies properly, often resulting in a “flip a coin” approach to the ultra-stinky ones. Why? Because these children are not the caregivers’ own!
Parents like to feel warm and fuzzy. They think of these places as schools and learning institutions, forgetting that just ONE unkind voice, comment, or instance of mistreatment can forever alter who their child is and becomes. You’ll also hear parents claim their children love and look forward to daycare, which often serves as a tactic to make parents feel better about leaving their child too soon. The fact is, if you are a good mom or dad, your infant would much rather be with you—rocked to sleep, comforted, fed their favorite foods, bathed when they can enjoy it, allowed to play with books and blocks without fear, and, most importantly, allowed to be the baby they are for their rightful time. You may also hear parents justify sending their kids to daycare even when they’re off to maintain the schedule. This is often just an excuse to sever the ties that bind. Many become desensitized to the fact that their child is frequently sick, dealing with year-round runny noses and constant medications. The CDC estimates that three-quarters of all children attending daycare will go through six rounds of antibiotics within the first year, compared to one-eighth of children who stay home. Apparently, the iPods, BlackBerrys, and new SUVs are worth just about anything.
These new parents often seem selfish, thinking only of their own needs. They have wants that, if scaled back, would allow their children to stay home. They desire children but have no idea what a full day with their child truly entails. They may try to teach their child independence or how to read on their own, forgetting that children will do these things naturally. From the moment they are born, children are on a path away from you. Why push them out before they can express their feelings? Is the big career, the money (more than half of which probably goes to daycare), the house, the clothes, or the ability to discuss family as if it’s a part-time job really worth it? In today’s world, it seems that it is.
The sad part is that children who go to daycare are often very different from those who spend their first year or 18 months at home. They can become pushy, competitive, filled with frustration, whiny, and eager to be held by anyone. They lack a strong foundation of family and home because they spend less time there than anywhere else, missing out on the coddling and care that only parents can provide. Sure, staying home with kids can be exhausting at times, but at least you know you’ll be there to witness their firsts and take credit for the person they’re becoming. After all, many parents leave significant milestones—like weaning from the bottle or potty training—up to complete strangers who, despite their friendly and compassionate facades, have far less patience for YOUR child than you would.
It’s interesting how these new parents, eager to give birth and willing to go through fertility treatments and more, quickly hand over their children at the first opportunity. Do they have to? If new parents are willing to rearrange their lives, put some things on hold, and focus on the fact that this time with their child is fleeting, they might reconsider the necessity of daycare.
Should you send your child to daycare? The choice is ultimately yours to make, and no one should be judged. However, there comes a day when many parents look back on their lives and wish they had done things differently. You never hear a parent say, “Gee, I wish they had been away more.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite. So why would anyone be inclined to send a baby into the arms of those who don’t love them, to people who wouldn’t give their lives to protect them? It seems that literacy, arithmetic, and having friends to invite to birthday parties will find their way to a child no matter what a parent does. What is the point of forcing the issue?
