“Hey, John, would you come help me with my homework?” your teenage son calls from the living room. Is this appropriate or polite, or does it clash with everything you’ve been taught about how children should address their parents? The question is: should your children call you by your first name on a regular basis? For many, there comes an age when kids find it amusing to address their parents by their first name. As a rule, however, this is considered unusual behavior.
For some parents, allowing children to use their first name fosters a sense of equal partnership in the relationship. These modern parents believe that, as their child reaches a certain age, the parent-child boundaries blur, and children should feel like social equals. And what do you call your equals? Certainly not Mom or Dad, right? Thus, free-spirited parenting models encourage children to become chummy, referring to one another like college roommates rather than family.
Some parents even prefer not to be called Mom or Dad. Perhaps they’re aiming to maintain a youthful image or wish to keep their parenthood private. This is more common when children are born to young parents, and the mother and daughter resemble sisters more than a mother-daughter duo. This way, they might even compete for the same romantic interest at a bar, right? (And perhaps end up on an episode of Jerry Springer together.)
Traditional Preferences and Cultural Norms
Still, most parents prefer to be called Mom, Dad, or some variation thereof. When a young child jokingly calls you John, Linda, or Sara, parents can laugh it off. Gently reminding your child that you prefer “Mommy” or “Mom” because it’s a special term can solidify how you wish to be addressed. After all, only your kids can call you Mom or Dad.
This question recalls an episode of The Brady Bunch, where Greg, the eldest son, decides he’s a man (and a hippie) and refers to his parents as Mike and Carol. Mr. Brady, or Dad Brady, grows visibly irritated, rolling his eyes and using a stern tone to correct this “rude” behavior, as it was considered disrespectful at the time.
Perhaps a child’s desire to use a parent’s first name is just a phase on the path to adulthood. It may be no different from a young child calling their mother “Mama” or “Mommy” for years, then switching to “Mom” or even “MOTHER” as they age. There’s nothing more unsettling than a 40-year-old calling their parents “Mommy” and “Daddy,” right? Yet, this phase of using first names still feels inappropriate to many.
Imagine a father and daughter at a special dinner, with the 16-year-old referring to her father as “David.” Your mind might leap to incorrect assumptions, right? Sticking with traditional terms like “Dad” avoids such misunderstandings.
So, is it ever appropriate for a child to call you by your first name? This author says no, but there are exceptions. For instance, in chaotic places like Chuck E. Cheese or a McDonald’s playroom, hearing “Sara Winters” over the din of kids screaming “MOM” would make it clear which parent is being summoned to rescue a toddler stuck atop a slide. Then again, hearing “MOM” and ignoring it (because you’re not entirely sure it’s your kid) in hopes they’ll figure it out themselves is often easier.
The bottom line: parents are parents and should be called by parental names. If you allow, encourage, or enjoy your child using your first name, that’s your choice. You’re not breaking any rules, though you may attract odd looks from those who overhear. Some might even assume you’re a step-parent, which can have its own perks. There’s no real harm in a child calling their parents Carol or Mike, except that it’s unconventional and diverges from mainstream parental rules.
As the old adage goes, “I don’t care what my children call me, as long as they call me!” Whether you answer to Sally Jo, Mama, or Mom is a personal decision that you alone make for your family.
