Shut Up, I’m Talking – Do People Interrupt Your Conversations?

Children should be seen and not heard. A boy is just a noise with dirt on it. And of course, the age-old question: “What is a home without children?” Quiet!

The quotes, sayings, and idiocies about children are endless, and they all seem to agree that children are noisy creatures who often talk too much! Wherever there are children, there’s a constant flow of “blah blah blah this” and “blah blah blah that.” And waiting in the wings is a parent who just wants to say (and probably does, behind closed doors), “SHUT UP, I’m talking here!”

Ask any kindergarten teacher in the world, and they will tell you that the first two weeks of school are spent teaching children to respect the “finger on the lips” code, which means it’s time to be quiet. The weeks that follow are spent teaching children, who, incidentally, believe they are the center of the universe, to listen (not talk) when other people are speaking, to avoid interrupting others in conversation, and to raise their hand before speaking. Decades ago, this behavior was taught at home. Today? Not so much. Even worse is that the problem of being interrupted while you’re talking is not only one children face. Adults, too, are guilty of being rude, egocentric conversationalists who cannot keep their mouths shut long enough for others to get a word in edgewise.

The Root of the Problem: Modern Parenting or Just Rudeness?

Is it modern parenting that leads to this problem? Face it: modern parents are encouraged to always listen to their children. To spend time with their children, to hear what their kids are saying, to read between the lines of the innocent words that spill from a child’s lips, to never push a child away by asking them to be quiet, and to keep the lines of communication forever and always open. But does all this pressure to listen to others raise generations of people who no longer know how to participate in the give-and-take of conversation? Or are people simply downright rude and obnoxious?

People who constantly interrupt usually do so because they can get away with it. Just as a 5-year-old can say “Mama” once and immediately get their mother to stop what she’s doing and give them her full attention, adult conversation hijackers often use the tactic of interruption because it works. It works because so many people, while realizing that the person is being rude, choose not to be rude in return and, therefore, allow the person to speak out of turn. Essentially, you are teaching the interrupter—whether young or old—that they can interrupt you without consequence.

Communication experts recommend that adults stand their ground when it comes to conversation etiquette, both with kids and adults. If someone interrupts you, rather than standing back, gritting your teeth, and fantasizing about stuffing a bread roll in their mouth, simply say, “Excuse me, but I was talking.” Or make it lighthearted and repeat the infamous words of Dana Carvey from Saturday Night Live: “Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish?” until the offender realizes they’ve talked out of turn. Another approach is to allow the person to blurt out whatever they thought was so important that it justified disrupting the conversation, then say, “As I was saying before,” and continue your point with a clear message of irritation, reflected in your body language.

These are subtle yet effective ways to send a clear message that someone has overstepped conversational boundaries by interrupting. Of course, there are plenty of people who still won’t get it. They remain stuck in the mindset of a 5-year-old, who believes they are the center of the universe and that what they have to say trumps whatever anyone else has to say. When you encounter such people, the best way to send a clear message is to say, “Would you shut up? I was talking!” Or simply walk away in haste, displaying obvious annoyance. You could also teach them a lesson by constantly interrupting them every time they speak, to see if they ‘get’ the hint that their behavior is rude. Additionally, tapping your foot in obvious frustration, crossing your arms, and rolling your eyes—all while being passive-aggressive—are physical cues that should signal to the other person that they have done something wrong.

Communication is described as the act of exchanging information. A huge part of this exchange is listening to what others have to say. Learning how to communicate effectively is a lifelong skill that begins in childhood. Listening to others involves respecting their viewpoints, even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying. If you know someone who is prone to interrupting, or have a young child in your presence who hasn’t yet learned how to wait their turn in a conversation, you’ll be doing them (and the rest of the world) a favor by helping them learn the rules of communication. And if they’re unwilling to engage in a balanced conversation, maybe the least frustrating path for you is to simply decide not to engage with them.