According to statistics from the American Academy of Psychology regarding marriage and divorce, women are more likely to be the initiators of divorce filings. In fact, men are often left scratching their heads, wondering what went wrong, with around 68% of all divorces being initiated by women. It isn’t that women are unhappier in their relationships than men; rather, they seem to spend years brooding in misery before finally reaching the breaking point. Marriage counselors warn that communication is absolutely essential for a marriage to last. Statistics like these suggest that many women may struggle to assert themselves and voice their opinions to their partners.
Yet, there are signs that your marriage may be over—or at least on the brink of divorce. You shouldn’t have to be a mind reader to know when things are going wrong. Recognizing the most obvious early signs that your marriage is in trouble can help you take action in time. Here are ten signs that you might be sitting across the table from one another, being mediated by attorneys.
Ten Signs Your Marriage May Be in Trouble
- You no longer have common interests. While it’s normal for couples to seek out personal passions, there comes a time when the divide is too great. Often, couples stop trying to engage in activities together and begin spending more time apart. Psychologists attribute this outward sign of divorce to individuals seeking satisfaction and happiness outside the marriage because they cannot find those qualities within it.
- Overly critical behavior. Relationships often start with couples being compassionate and accepting of one another’s faults. However, as time goes on and the quality of the marriage declines, partners may begin to focus on and point out each other’s shortcomings. This behavior allows them to feel justified in their feelings of disconnect and dissatisfaction. If you feel like you can do nothing right in your partner’s eyes, they may be building an emotional case for divorce.
- Secrets and lies. Remember when you used to share everything? Partners who are no longer connected begin withholding information from each other and consciously avoid sharing important details.
- Avoidance. Some people claim to avoid confrontation or arguments, but there comes a point in every failing marriage where fighting just isn’t worth it anymore. This is when couples start avoiding conversations and distract themselves with other activities or people to avoid talking to one another. Common distractions that lead to avoidance can include television or, more often, children.
- Never finding resolution. Around 75% of couples have at least one hot-button issue that can never be resolved. They continuously fight about it, and if they have a disagreement over something else, this issue is sure to resurface. When partners commit to not finding resolution, they are making a bold statement about their feelings toward the marriage.
- Lack of sex and intimacy. It’s normal for couples to experience a decline in intimacy over time. However, if it has been months or even years since you were intimate, this is a clear sign of trouble. Even in unsteady marriages, sexual intimacy can indicate a desire for marital survival. When couples develop a pattern of not being intimate and are content with it, this can be taken as a sign that your marriage is over.
- Money problems. Experts suggest that more than half of all couples argue over money. While money may not be the real issue, it often stands in for deeper concerns related to individuality, control, and autonomy within the relationship.
- Lack of personal care. When your partner seems uninterested in taking care of themselves—especially when you are around—it is a definite sign that the marriage may be over. Personal hygiene and self-care are important aspects of a relationship, and when they decline, it can be a subtle way of signaling a desire to ‘turn off’ their partner.
- Lack of respect. Mutual respect is essential for a lasting marriage. If you or your partner disregard respect—whether through covert actions like failing to communicate or obvious ones like engaging in behaviors that you know your partner dislikes—you can assume they are setting the stage for divorce. In this context, couples may feel guilty about the end of the marriage and may childishly hope to provoke their partner into seeking the divorce themselves.
- Cheating. While cheating doesn’t always lead to divorce, most marriages do not recover from infidelity. Even if they do, the residual effects can greatly inhibit the quality of the marriage and the couple’s happiness. Few couples explore the reasons behind the infidelity, using it instead as a final call to action to seek divorce.
Changes in behavior and attitudes toward one another can be subtle. Early on, many individuals do not want to explore their feelings or discuss them, often avoiding counseling in an effort to maintain the appearance of a perfect marriage. Years later, this ‘lie’ can become overwhelming for any couple. The social pressures of marriage and the fear that divorce signifies failure can lead couples to seek out signs of divorce to lessen their guilt. However, if you recognize the signs that your marriage is over and treat them as a call to action to make improvements and strengthen communication, your marriage can endure and be better than it ever was.
