Sounds like a simple statement, right?
Bet during the course of your day, you ask a million people (most of whom you could care less about) the carefree question, “So, how was your day?” Or, “How are you?” Or any number of casual gestures that let someone know you’re interested in how they’re doing. But when it comes to our spouse, it’s often these exact simple things that we forget—or downright neglect—to ask on a daily basis.
Is it because of complacency?
Is it because we think we already know the answer?
Or is it, deep down, because we just don’t care?
One of the biggest problems people face in marriages (or other close relationships) is that they become so familiar with each other, seeing each other so often, that they forget to offer the same courtesies they give to others in their lives. One day, you can’t talk to your spouse enough—remember those late nights snuggled on the couch, talking until the early hours? And then, suddenly, that same person starts to feel like a stranger.
It’s interesting, but today, there are countless blogs and Twitter accounts designed for people to share the tiniest details of their day. Facebook is massive. And all Facebook really is, is a jumble of ramblings—a digital vent where people talk about their day. Often, there aren’t many words in a typical post, but the key is that people are following, listening (to some extent), and showing they care.
The Cost of Silence in Relationships
It’s not just spouses who are neglecting to talk to one another. In a recent survey by Teen Magazine, nearly 80% of teens admitted they rarely talk to their parents about what happens during the day. Even more striking, 50% said they communicate with their parents via text more than face-to-face. And when teens were asked what they wanted more of from their families, the second most common response was—communication.
Children often feel that their parents aren’t listening, and therefore don’t care about what’s going on in their lives. The longer the lack of communication continues, the harder it becomes for people to reconnect with one another.
It’s imperative to take the time to nurture your relationships. Just like watering a plant daily—giving just enough, not too much—you must also water the relationships in your life that matter most. And that watering? It can be as simple as asking the questions that count. Ask your spouse how their day was. Ask your children how they feel. Ask your mother if she’s happy.
One of the most understated forms of human connection comes from a question. It’s human nature to want to feel needed and understood. People need to know that you care about them—that you’re interested in their life, what they do every day, how they feel, and what they think. Just like you want others to care about you. The only way to truly make people feel important and to enjoy meaningful relationships is to engage in small talk regularly—continually “watering” your relationships with love and compassion.
It’s no surprise that so many spouses or parents don’t really know what’s going on in the lives of their loved ones. Sure, you might talk to your parents every day—checking in just enough to feel like you’re staying connected—but are you asking the right questions? If they have a doctor’s appointment, do you follow up and ask how it went? When you ask how they are or how their day is going, do you genuinely listen for an answer, or are you just going through the motions?
You don’t want to find out important details about your loved ones from someone else. Perhaps the worst feeling in the world is realizing one day that you don’t really know your spouse or understand your children—simply because you failed to ask the right questions along the way.
It all starts with, “How was your day?”
Asking that one small question can unlock so much about the people you love. It can open the door to deeper conversations, stronger connections, and a closeness that stands the test of time. Keeping your relationships alive with small talk and sincere question-and-answer sessions can be the very foundation that allows you to not just be close, but stay close.
Listening to others—truly hearing what they say, reading the emotion behind their words, and learning how to respond—is something we humans must practice every single day. It’s dangerous to assume that just because your family is around all the time, you know what’s going on in their lives. The truth is, you cannot communicate enough.
Remember: it’s much easier to maintain communication than to try and regain it. Keep those conversational muscles active, and you’ll find it’s far easier to stay emotionally close to the people who matter most.
