From cancer to anxiety disorders, one of life’s most prevalent killers stems from stress. And where does this stress come from? It comes from within you. Bottling up emotions and feelings often becomes a routine part of adulthood as we try to navigate the delicate balance between being politically correct and gaining acceptance from others. In many areas of life, there’s a good chance that you only express part of your thoughts, holding back frustration, anger, and disappointment to avoid conflict. The problem is that eventually—always—this will come back to bite you.
Finding a way to remain true to your feelings while communicating with others can be tricky; you might fear rocking the boat or causing an argument. However, speaking your mind is essential for living an authentic and healthy life. It is also crucial in preventing your bottled-up emotions from leading to your mental and physical decline.
People who tend to be insecure or lack self-assurance often hold in their feelings more than those who exude self-confidence. The common misconception is that the person who speaks their mind without much of a filter is a jerk (or a “bitch”). While their delivery may seem harsh, they are actually prioritizing their well-being and avoiding the regret of not saying what they meant.
Our relationships with others significantly shape our happiness and quality of life. If you constantly bite your tongue out of fear of offending someone or being perceived as pushy, you are internalizing those emotions. Just because you don’t share them doesn’t mean they disappear. In fact, researchers from Psychology Weekly suggest that those who bottle up their emotions prolong stressful situations and end up resenting themselves for not speaking up.
Stress is a serious health hazard. It predisposes you to nearly every illness because, under stress, your body produces a dangerous cocktail of hormonal reactions that weaken your immune system. Essentially, you live in a constant fight-or-flight mode, which puts you at risk for numerous health issues, including high blood pressure, heart disease, depression, anxiety disorders, infections, inflammatory diseases, and even cancer. At some point, you must ask yourself: is being silent about the little things your spouse does worth risking your health? Wouldn’t it be easier to “get things off your chest” rather than internalizing your feelings, especially knowing that keeping them bottled up can harm your long-term well-being?
For those who tend to bottle things up, practicing assertiveness can be beneficial. Start by standing in front of a mirror and pretending you are talking to your neighbor, spouse, child, or boss. Express what you need to say, using both your words and body language to convey that you mean business. This way, when you find yourself in a face-to-face situation, you’ll be prepared with a dialogue you’ve rehearsed. You can also write down your frustrations—whether in a letter to someone else or just for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you choose to burn the letter afterward; what’s important is releasing those feelings and, in turn, reducing your stress. Standing up for yourself and expressing your mind instead of remaining resentful can significantly improve your self-confidence. The more you practice honesty about your emotions, the better you will feel in the long run. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it will become easier to be honest with yourself and others.
One effective strategy for venting frustrations instead of holding them in is the 1-2-3 rule. When you feel the urge to speak up, or if someone has slighted you, take a deep breath, count slowly from 1 to 3 in your head, and then express your thoughts. Those five seconds help you center your thoughts, allowing you to communicate without overreacting. This brief pause also gives you the courage to stand up for yourself. Use this technique whenever you find yourself in a confrontational situation or feel disrespected. When you speak, be clear and concise, avoiding fillers like, “I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings,” or “I don’t mean to offend you,” which can put the other person on the defensive. Instead, state your case directly and succinctly.
Over time, you will find that others respect you more when you express your thoughts openly. They will stop taking advantage of you and begin to see you as a person of worth. Most importantly, you will recognize that your feelings matter, which will enhance your self-worth. Additionally, addressing life’s frustrations as they arise will help you avoid becoming a ticking time bomb of health problems waiting to erupt.
3 Responses
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