In all we do, there is an underlying current of rhythm that seems to propel us into the next phase of life. When we are young, a silent force drives us toward love, commitment, and the fulfillment of a relationship that can sustain us through life. Once that is achieved, most people feel a stir of emotions and buried desires that prompt them to start a family. The reasons vary: some seek a positive way to continue their heritage, while others feel it is simply the next step they are supposed to take. Some want to correct the wrongs of their own childhood by raising children, and others wish to solidify their relationship through the blood ties that bind them together for life. Many do it for love, while others embark on this journey unwittingly, influenced by an unexplainable sense of destiny. Regardless of the reason, starting a family doesn’t just mark a new chapter in life; it is the preface for a new book altogether!
The Journey of Parenthood
Few people recognize the immense commitment to life that lies ahead through conception and pregnancy. This is one of those areas where ignorance is bliss! If we were fully aware of all the struggles, heartaches, joys, and worries that come with having a family, far fewer would be willing to take the leap into parenthood. Starting a family redefines terms like responsibility, love, happiness, worry, and what it means to be committed to someone other than ourselves. The love we experience before children pales in comparison to the feelings that arise once they are born. A gentle understanding of forgiveness, respect, and acceptance fills our hearts almost as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. When you look into your child’s eyes—innocent and swollen from birth—there is a silent agreement that no matter what this person does or becomes, they will be loved forever, unconditionally, and always forgiven for their mistakes.
Starting a family changes the entire flow of life. Suddenly, spontaneous trips, dining out every night, sleeping in on weekends, partying with friends, and living life on a whim disappear. Mothers and fathers emerge from individuals who once only had to care for their own wants and desires. Sure, we have compromised before and given up things we wanted for the sake of others, but we had never truly had to. Once the family arrives, life as we knew it is over. Fortunately, this isn’t entirely a bad thing. Cleaning up vomit, changing diapers, and midnight feedings can evoke resentment and anger; mediating arguments and spending all your time providing for, feeding, and caring for kids can lead to boredom. A house filled with primary-colored toys might ruin your decor, but few things can expand the heart to love as much as parenthood. Every parent who steps on a sharp toy with bare feet while making their way to the kitchen for the fourth time since midnight knows that their life suddenly matters more than it ever did before.
Initially, the idea of having children seems like all fun and games—rocking babies and buying cribs and adorable outfits washed in Dreft sends a wave of fantasy through your mind. Then, suddenly, they come home with stinky feet and armpits that smell like onions, and you realize you are eleven years into your dream of starting a family. Along the way, disappointments may arise: perhaps you don’t have the son or daughter you envisioned. Your child may choose flute over basketball, and their grades might not always be stellar. They roll their eyes, grit their teeth, and slam bedroom doors in your face. They can be disrespectful and unappreciative, leaving you exhausted, frustrated, and wondering what you were thinking. You may reminisce about life before kids, when you could go scuba diving anytime you wished, and you might wonder if your body will be too old and tired to dive again. In the midst of your disillusionment, your daughter walks in holding hands with her boyfriend, both looking delighted. Your stomach drops because you recognize that look. At the same time, your son and his wife burst through the door with their energetic twin boys, now two years old. “Grandpa!” they cry as they run into your arms, showering you with kisses, and suddenly—all else is forgotten!
Where did the time go? What have you missed out on by choosing to spend the heart of your life raising a family? How did you navigate this journey when it seemed like just yesterday you could barely wash your own clothes, let alone someone else’s? What have you accomplished that makes your life special, worthwhile, and full of love? The answers to all these questions stand right before you in your living room, surrounded by the family you started two decades ago. This family continues to grow, love, and give back to your heart, which still seems to have room for even more. It may not have been perfect along the way, and it may be entirely different from what you expected, but starting a family is one of those life decisions you will never regret.
Starting a family is similar to planting a seed; it must first be tended to daily, watered with love, and nurtured with endless commitment. Then, the stem sprouts, and soon the limbs, flowers, and roots grow stronger. One day, that seed transforms into a tree that still needs protection from life’s elements, like storms and strong winds. Eventually, it grows tall enough to gather its own sunlight, and the shade from your tree can no longer shield it from life’s heat. One day, you look outside your window and see this tree you planted spreading seeds of its own. The commitment is never-ending, but luckily, so is the love.