One of the things that keep unhappy couples complacent in a marriage is the fact that starting over after a divorce seems, or feels so ominous. The unexpected in life is never an easy choice and the fear of the unknown can stifle the best of us from making healthy decision in life, including one that shifts us to end a marriage.
The best approach is to look at the life ahead of you as one that will be filled with promise, hope and challenge. To see the roads to come as paths to a new life that will afford you the golden opportunity to rebirth your life and reignite your personal passions. The heaviness of remaining in a marriage that isn’t supportive or loving can completely cloud one from realizing that life is not supposed to be lived this way. Sure, it takes courage to move forward, but the alternative is one that shouldn’t even be considered.
If you are sure, certain from the place in your heart and being that the marriage you are in is not how you want to spend your life, then take one step at a time and reinvent yourself and your life. Chances are in a few months, a year you will become the person you want to be and experience more laughter and happiness than you ever thought possible.
The trick of course is to start slowly. Many people after being in a marriage for a while fear being alone and frantically thwart themselves into dating and more relationships. The reason this doesn’t work is because the person you are at the end of a relationship is not the person you will be in a few months. This person is coming from a place of fear and uncertainty rather than from a place of authenticity to self. Age creeps up on all of us and can makes us feel as though we have to rush into something new. Take a breath and try to learn to enjoy being by yourself for a while. Try to remember what it felt like to explore your inner self, your passions and your own identity without the preface of Mr. or Mrs. This is a time to do whatever you want, to indulge in yourself and to reacquaint yourself with that simplistic little thing called happiness. Before you reach it there is sure to be a time of mourning, of loss that extends beyond that of losing a person, but of trying to figure out who you are again.
The next step is to live a life that resonates with who you are and who you want to be. This way you are putting yourself in the prime location to meet others, both male and female, who share your interests. Think of the sea of people in your life as roots to friendship and learn to be honest about your pains, hurts, sorrows and insecurities. One of the most important aspects of starting over after a divorce is learning to trust others and yourself once again. Your life is what you make it and it is much more important to live and seek a life based on honesty to self than it is to try to make an impression or gain acceptance from others. This process can take a long time and there is much trial and error necessary to perfect it. You know you are doing it right when you feel free, safe and content in the space inside and outside your spirit.
There are always two ways to look the future. While many look at is with optimism far more see the future as scary and unstable. Financial, emotional, familial and other responsibilities can seem impossible outside of confines of a marriage, but there is always a way for those willing to find it. Positive thinking can go a long way to ensure that all things work out in time. Without a doubt, things will be different, some things may be harder and chances and adjustments to life style are certain to be a factor. However, holding on to something that blackens your heart in order to maintain appearances or materialistic possessions steals your happiness, health and wellbeing in ways that are never worth the sacrifice. Remember that like all things in life, this period is temporary and in enough time and with enough effort, you will wake up from the storm feeling refreshed and renewed. All things pass with time and nothing is every quite as bad as we imagine it to be.
Starting over after a divorce is also about letting go. Learning from your mistakes and admitting your own faults in life. It isn’t about punishing or crucifying yourself, rather taking one experience and deciding that you gained something valuable from it. Something valuable enough to take into your new life. Change is uncomfortable for most people. Think of the change at this point in your life a challenge to finally do what is right for you. Keep in mind that no matter what the consequences of the divorce, you have the ultimate decision to react and feel about them as you wish. Holding on to anger, resentment, negativity or frustration will only hurt you and the decisive way to see and feel things differently is to pay attention to your mindset and work towards a positive one. No matter what he or she did, no matter how many years you feel you wasted; holding on to those feelings will keep you cocooned in a life that is unhappy. The choice is yours to make.
Starting over after a divorce is like starting over after any other traumatic event in life. It takes time and conscious thought. It takes money and the ability to rebuild one block at a time. It takes bravery, the ability to believe that the future is not out to get you, and that good things are constantly trying to make their way to you. While the initial part may be painful, it is never in vain. Your healing will lead to wellness and can bring a better life to you in ways that you never believed possible. Seek the counsel of positive family and friends and leave your heart and life open to all the possibilities that surround you.