Are We Raising a Generation of “Sissies”?
Helicopter parenting. Overprotection. Over-coddling. Being too compassionate. Over-leniency. Sugar-coating truths. Enabling whining. Being over-sympathetic. These are all common parenting traits today. It seems we, as parents, have become so soft, so afraid of the idea that our children might need therapy one day simply because we said no or threw them into the deep end of the pool to teach them how to swim. We have become, in essence, sissies as parents. And unfortunately, we’re raising sissies too.
Go to any playground or visit a kindergarten, and you’ll see a bunch of over-coddled kids sitting on the slide, afraid to go down because mom and dad have them convinced they will get hurt. There’s a fifth grader who has never tried the monkey bars because he’s too afraid of falling. There’s a child who won’t play kickball with the others because they were picked last, or because the last time, some ruffian hit them in the head with the ball. And at the end of every sports season, there’s a group of kids—who have never won a game, hit a home run, fielded a touchdown, made a basket, or kicked a goal—who receive a big, fat, parent-bought trophy just so they can feel good about themselves while accepting an award.
When you were a kid, your parents likely said to you, “Stop being a big chicken and climb the monkey bars for goodness sake!” or “Geez, kid, be a freaking kid and get out of my hair already!”
It wasn’t that your parents didn’t care. It was that, back then, sissy parenting wasn’t in style. They didn’t have a pile of parenting books making them feel responsible for every aspect of their child’s self-esteem and future success. There wasn’t a massive anti-bullying platform to protect their children from being “bullied” because they were too afraid to climb the monkey bars or play sports. There wasn’t the “everyone wins, everyone’s a winner” mentality that allowed you to sit back and do nothing your entire childhood, just waiting to see if you’d make something of yourself. There were no excuses, no counselors waiting to console the kid whose feelings were hurt because someone made fun of them for picking their boogers in class.
Preparing Kids for the Real World
Recently, a Georgia school sent out an apology letter to parents whose children wouldn’t be receiving academic awards at the year-end ceremony. Seriously? An apology? Why? Because some parents were upset that THEIR kids had to sit through an assembly, watching other kids who worked hard receive awards while theirs achieved nothing that year? After the ceremony, the school counselor reiterated the apology, and as parents rushed to hug their underachieving children, the counselor also taught a valuable lesson. She said, “This could be you! If you work hard, strive, persevere, and try harder next year, you could be receiving one of these awards!”
If you were on the playground with your child and they were afraid to do something, you likely wouldn’t tilt your head and say, “Don’t be a big sissy!” Not in today’s world. But you have to ask yourself: What is your method of “sissy parenting” teaching your child? Are you somehow not pushing them enough or not enabling them enough?
In a time when people need life coaches to be successful, we talk a lot about “empowering.” EMPOWERING! But are you an empowering parent, or do you buy into the theory that your child is unable to do certain things because they’re fearful, shy, etc.? What if, instead of running over and hugging them and giving them attention for not doing something, you simply shook your head and said, “Geez kid, it’s not a big deal. You can do this!” Chances are, your kid would try. Or at least try harder than if you coddled and overprotected them.
There is no participation award in life
The older you get, the more you realize this. No one is going to clap or give you a standing ovation when you screw something up at work—just because you tried. People aren’t going to see you break down in tears and back down to pat your shoulder. Instead, they’ll rip you to shreds. If you’re too afraid to cross a bridge, the traffic behind you won’t stop—they’ll honk like raving lunatics and give you the finger as you sit stranded on the side of the road.
Parents need to prepare their children for life, and sometimes that means teaching them to NOT be a big chicken. Empower and enable your children, with brutal honesty at times, and one day, they will thank you. And they will be successful.
