Sex! If there has been one thing that has brought together and separated the sexes through out history, it is this particular subject. Sex. It seems that man and woman, built physically perfectly to make love to one another have a hard time staying on the same page as to how much is enough, how much is not enough, and how to ensure that couples, even several years down the marital road, still have the desire to make love to one another.
Oh, there have been studies and research about this very subject. There have been surveys in nearly every magazine every written for man or woman trying to bridge the gap felt by men and women when it comes to sexual intimacy. There have even been a plethora of excuses made for both men and women alike, about the reasons why (or why not) sex is (or is not) a priority in their marriage. And yet, still – today – the confusing equation has not been solved.
So let’s talk about how women really feel. It might surprise a lot of men to know that women enjoy sex just as much as their husbands do. Shocker, right! Women have desires and urges and moments in their life that are full of sex-filled thoughts that they would love to act on. In fact, men might be surprised how many times during the day a woman fantasizes about sex. If you don’t believe it, then consider the billions of copies sold to Women (mostly wives) of 50 Shades of Grey. (The baby boom from that book should start anytime now!) And how many copies of People’s 50 Sexiest Men was sold to women exclusively? Millions. Do you think they are buying these books and magazines for the recipes?
Also consider that according to Cosmopolitan Magazine more than 1/3rd of all women own some sort of self-pleasing sexual device that their spouses don’t know about. (Maybe you should check that bedside drawer). And yes, women masturbate too – especially when they aren’t being satisfied by their husbands in the bedroom. Now you know why that bubble bath took so long!
The problem is not that women don’t want to have sex; it’s that men and women don’t communicate well together about sex.
One of the last things that a woman wants to hear, or see, or deal with is a man who is pouting because he isn’t getting ‘it’ enough. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who becomes unmanly and suddenly becomes the whiney toddler who is pissed off because someone ate the last cookie out of the cookie jar. See, women want their men to be men. While today’s woman is not afraid to take the lead in the bedroom department, there is an innate submissive sexual quality about women that when played right by the man in their life, can get the marital sex bed rocking once again. Just don’t pout about sex, be a man and take action!
Instead of complaining about how you aren’t getting it and want it – how about trying a very direct statement to your spouse that tells them they are GETTING it tonight, whether they like it or not. Sure, be playful about it – but take charge of your sexual destiny and do a little something to turn her on and make her anticipate her time in the bedroom with you. You can rest assured that THIS assertive behaviour will get you ten times further in the sex department than any passive aggressive, pouting ever will. Truth is that a great deal of the sex problems in marriages can be solved by NOT talking, but by DOING! Especially since the sensitive subject of talking about sexual problems between men and women sometimes only complicates things further. Just like a man would rather be shown how to please his wife than told he is not good in bed, a woman would like to be ‘taken’ in the bedroom rather than listening to pouting and dealing with sulking.
Sitting around and sulking, and not really telling your spouse what the problem is – and otherwise being short or distance is NOT the way to make a woman more attracted to you sexually. In fact, the sheer opposite is true. Women want the men in their lives to be men, especially when it comes to sex. If you want more, chances are good that she wants more too. So let’s avoid the long conversations and marital counselling and just go and do what it is our bodies are intuitively meant to do. Pleasure one another by making love.
Sometimes, the sex subject in a relationship just reaches a stalemate that can be hard to overcome with conversations. Every couple has an ebb and flow to their sexual activity, which is normal during the course of marriage. The thing is that making love to your spouse is just like riding a bike. Even if you haven’t done it in weeks, months or years – you still remember how. And if you want to have sex – then in the famous words of Nike, “Just do it!” If you sit around and act like a school boy, the only thing you will do is turn your wife off even further.
My husband will probably never read this, but it’s on point. I’m seriously on the verge of asking for a divorce due to the way things are in my marriage. My husband literally comes to bed and ask me if I want to “love on him” ugh…. It’s a complete turn off, and then when I turn him down because he has done nothing to turn me on, he rolls over and mutters about how I never want nothing to do with him. Seriously??? We just spent the last 3/4 hours watching tv and now we are in bed. Nothing between here and there to make me feel sexual. I seriously wish he would man up and take that shit. That would turn me on and in turn probably make me more likely to initiate in the future.
Bull. Initiate in the future? You can initiate as well. It isn’t his job alone to keep your intimacy alive. Sure the pouting is a turn off, maybe how he initiates is a turn off. Maybe communicate this with him and save your sex life and relationship before just getting divorced… just a thought.
Don’t be greedy sometime you got to show it two, unless you think you are queen Elizabeth the 3rd. It is a job one at a time…… Sometimes you should and sometime he will…..
“Instead of complaining about how you aren’t getting it and want it – how about trying a very direct statement to your spouse that tells them they are GETTING it tonight, whether they like it or not” – That’s called rape.
I had issues with that statement as well. Guys don’t know what consent is these days.
This statement is absolutely disgusting. Consent is key even when married. P.s. married 8 years.
My thought exactly
It was a statement that followed ( in a playful manner ) if you got offended then you missed the playful manner and you probably should not be married to who your married to , now you think he is capable of rape . Wow
Totally true. It gets easier, too. All I have to now is lock the door. Regarding consent, my wife hasn’t called the cops on me so I guess I’m good.
What has this to do with Concent?
Women become sexual when they are aroused emotionally. Like some sort of conversation beyond this lame . are you gonna make “love on him” Men’s emotions are charged up when they have sex. In other words they feel loved when they are having sex. And Women have sex if they feel loved. Great huh!? Is it any wonder why their are Gay people?
One or the other of you either has to get that and deal with it or at least you have to take turns doing what is needed by the other. Or you will be doing what we are. Getting more and more irritated with each other. You probably had the marriage vows “health and sickness” “Goodtimes and bad” welcome to the bad. Do this long enough and I suspect one or both of you will find themselves tempted by someone who shows enough interest then you have to deal with being betrayed or be the one betraying the other. After that its up to you to decide if your going to hire lawyers = both of you end up broke or try to work it out and spend a long time in therapy .
Wish I had the answer for you. I think you probably see why Marriages fail at the rate of 41%
If TV burns out your desire switch I would share that information then ask him to PLEASE not toss the TV into the trash.
This article is trash. It sounds like it was written by a red piller. Telling someone they’re GETTING it whether they like it or not is called rape. You’re clueless if you think coercing someone into sex under the guise of being “playful” or “manly” regardless of their emotional/mental/physical state is going to magically turn them on.
Men, if you want to keep your partner, don’t do this.
Married for 5 years been with the same woman for a decade. I will say I can see why marriage doesn’t work honestly if I could do it again I would probably not get married till I was in my 40’s so many of these woman promise you love and intimacy and you just end up getting a robot for a partner. I sit down with her talk to her about her issue try and work through them . Support her in all her endeavors and still I can’t even have sex every few weeks.(that’s is sad in my early 30’s). This is what leads men to cheat which isn’t what I want to do but have been tempted many times living in a big city. All this to say find a partner that is for you
I would have to agree with you. Most men I’ve talked to have very similar views
Sex is not a token you get for being a complete human being.
Listen to yourself, you have made sex something that she owes you for doing what you should be doing without expectation of a reward.
The promise of love and intimacy isn’t a contest to see who does it better.
Are you really trying to work through “her issue” or are you doing it in hopes it will get you sex?
Once you’ve made intimacy into something you expect for being a good boy, you have ruined it for her.
YOU have made her into a robot that you expect to dispense sex when you drop in a few coins of respect and support.
Do you ever think about talking to her about your issue?
The one where you don’t appreciate a partnership just because you don’t get some, that issue.
Start looking at what she does for you, does she support your endeavors, listen to you, cook, clean, send the cards and get the presents for your family? How much emotional labor does she do, that you don’t appreciate and thank her for doing?
I’ve got some news for you…a lot of single guys in their 30s aren’t getting any either.
I love your reply Ray ❤️
Ray sounds simpy
he makes it seem like his wife being at home is the most difficult job…
And the Husband working in the corporate world is some strole in the park.
News flash most men work harder and more efficiently than most woman.
So next time some person says life is hard especially your wife remind her that she isnt the only one out here who has it tough.
And if they don’t appreciate life they can do the selfish thing and leave.
And to stop bringing everyone around down with them.
Cause the same way she doesn’t owe you sex ,the world doesn’t owe her understanding. If you’ve tried talking and she keeps taking it out on you. You should tell her to get out , grow up and find a solution .
No space for immature people in a marriage.Every one has a roll to play .
And it’s for life. That’s exactly what you signed up for.
Middle finger emoji. Really? Men work harder? You’re an effing
Ray was TOTALLY on point with his comments. And you are not.
Firstly, you need help with your spelling. Secondly, you need counselling help for your abusive perspective. Non consensual sex within a marriage is considered to be marital rape. Your macho perspectives cannot override that.
YOU should “get out, grow up and find a solution”.
Maybe she is so busy doing everything that she has no time to remember who she is and what she likes? Maybe her head is spinning every day and she feels like there is no moment of her day in which someone doesn’t expect something from her. And then the day ends, and the kids are in bed, and now YOU are expecting more of her. When she has had no time to focus on her own mental wellbeing for 3 or 4 weeks since that time you took the kids to the ice cream shop for 45 minutes.
YES! Thank you!