Sex! If there has been one thing that has brought together and separated the sexes through out history, it is this particular subject. Sex. It seems that man and woman, built physically perfectly to make love to one another have a hard time staying on the same page as to how much is enough, how much is not enough, and how to ensure that couples, even several years down the marital road, still have the desire to make love to one another.
Oh, there have been studies and research about this very subject. There have been surveys in nearly every magazine every written for man or woman trying to bridge the gap felt by men and women when it comes to sexual intimacy. There have even been a plethora of excuses made for both men and women alike, about the reasons why (or why not) sex is (or is not) a priority in their marriage. And yet, still – today – the confusing equation has not been solved.
So let’s talk about how women really feel. It might surprise a lot of men to know that women enjoy sex just as much as their husbands do. Shocker, right! Women have desires and urges and moments in their life that are full of sex-filled thoughts that they would love to act on. In fact, men might be surprised how many times during the day a woman fantasizes about sex. If you don’t believe it, then consider the billions of copies sold to Women (mostly wives) of 50 Shades of Grey. (The baby boom from that book should start anytime now!) And how many copies of People’s 50 Sexiest Men was sold to women exclusively? Millions. Do you think they are buying these books and magazines for the recipes?
Also consider that according to Cosmopolitan Magazine more than 1/3rd of all women own some sort of self-pleasing sexual device that their spouses don’t know about. (Maybe you should check that bedside drawer). And yes, women masturbate too – especially when they aren’t being satisfied by their husbands in the bedroom. Now you know why that bubble bath took so long!
The problem is not that women don’t want to have sex; it’s that men and women don’t communicate well together about sex.
One of the last things that a woman wants to hear, or see, or deal with is a man who is pouting because he isn’t getting ‘it’ enough. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who becomes unmanly and suddenly becomes the whiney toddler who is pissed off because someone ate the last cookie out of the cookie jar. See, women want their men to be men. While today’s woman is not afraid to take the lead in the bedroom department, there is an innate submissive sexual quality about women that when played right by the man in their life, can get the marital sex bed rocking once again. Just don’t pout about sex, be a man and take action!
Instead of complaining about how you aren’t getting it and want it – how about trying a very direct statement to your spouse that tells them they are GETTING it tonight, whether they like it or not. Sure, be playful about it – but take charge of your sexual destiny and do a little something to turn her on and make her anticipate her time in the bedroom with you. You can rest assured that THIS assertive behaviour will get you ten times further in the sex department than any passive aggressive, pouting ever will. Truth is that a great deal of the sex problems in marriages can be solved by NOT talking, but by DOING! Especially since the sensitive subject of talking about sexual problems between men and women sometimes only complicates things further. Just like a man would rather be shown how to please his wife than told he is not good in bed, a woman would like to be ‘taken’ in the bedroom rather than listening to pouting and dealing with sulking.
Sitting around and sulking, and not really telling your spouse what the problem is – and otherwise being short or distance is NOT the way to make a woman more attracted to you sexually. In fact, the sheer opposite is true. Women want the men in their lives to be men, especially when it comes to sex. If you want more, chances are good that she wants more too. So let’s avoid the long conversations and marital counselling and just go and do what it is our bodies are intuitively meant to do. Pleasure one another by making love.
Sometimes, the sex subject in a relationship just reaches a stalemate that can be hard to overcome with conversations. Every couple has an ebb and flow to their sexual activity, which is normal during the course of marriage. The thing is that making love to your spouse is just like riding a bike. Even if you haven’t done it in weeks, months or years – you still remember how. And if you want to have sex – then in the famous words of Nike, “Just do it!” If you sit around and act like a school boy, the only thing you will do is turn your wife off even further.