Have you ever felt jealous of your spouse’s achievements? Imagine your spouse comes home one day with exciting news: they’ve landed a major promotion, earning thousands more per year. For them, it’s a dream come true. But as the stay-at-home parent, this might mean taking on even more responsibilities or possibly relocating. Can you continue to support their success, or do feelings of resentment or jealousy creep in, especially if your own goals aren’t progressing as quickly?
A study published by the American Psychological Association emphasizes the importance of supporting your spouse’s success. It suggests that a spouse’s encouragement directly influences their partner’s achievements. In a marriage, experts agree that spouses should act as each other’s “wingman,” showing genuine interest and support in their partner’s accomplishments without resentment. This mutual support strengthens the partnership, with the understanding that roles may reverse when needed.
Encouraging Growth Without Resentment
A supportive spouse encourages their partner’s pursuits without dampening their enthusiasm. If your spouse is venturing into uncharted territory—starting a business or embarking on a new endeavor—avoid stifling their momentum with negativity or doubt. It’s normal to have concerns about how their success might affect your marriage, but these feelings shouldn’t be used to undermine their dreams. Instead, use them as starting points for constructive conversations. Addressing doubts or insecurities early can prevent resentment from taking root.
Your spouse’s success is also yours. Even if they’ve done the “legwork,” you’ve likely played a crucial role—perhaps by asking insightful questions, offering ideas, managing household responsibilities, or supporting their education. These contributions make their achievements a shared victory. A truly attentive spouse will recognize your impact and appreciate your role in their journey.
For some, an unsupportive spouse can feel like a barrier to personal success, potentially causing irreparable rifts in the marriage. Marriage shouldn’t hinder dreams. Couples can find balance by taking turns focusing on each other’s goals. For example, if your spouse is taking night classes, you might handle more home responsibilities. In return, agree that once their goal is achieved, they’ll support your aspirations, making it easier to celebrate their successes.
Success isn’t always financial. Supporting your spouse can mean backing their personal resolutions, like quitting smoking, losing weight, or making positive life changes. Avoid actions that undermine their efforts, such as eating tempting foods in front of a dieting spouse. True support requires empathy and consideration.
Supporting your spouse can be challenging, especially if their success feels like it comes at your expense. The following tips will help you foster their achievements while strengthening your relationship. Remember, supporting your spouse doesn’t mean agreeing with every decision—it means staying open and engaged.
- Ask questions. When a spouse feels threatened by their partner’s success, it’s often due to uncertainty. Asking questions shows you care, demonstrates support, and helps you address potential issues together.
- Embrace temporary imbalances. In a family, both spouses can’t always take risks simultaneously. View their success as a short-term shift, knowing your turn will come.
- Get involved. Even if you’re unfamiliar with their field, offer your skills. Your involvement shows investment in their dreams and gives you a sense of ownership.
- Express concerns constructively. Don’t bottle up negative feelings. If you feel neglected due to their focus on work, communicate lovingly without putting them on the defensive. They’re likely working hard for both of you.
