If you are not in control of your life – then who is?
So many people today are caught up in a plethora of excuses of why they aren’t living their most ‘authentic’ life ever. People are waiting for the right time to make a move, take a chance, make a change or break a bad habit – yet that ‘right time,’ never seems to appear. Each of us has plenty of excuses as to why we are stuck in the metaphorical mud of life, feeling like we control little more than the air we breathe into our lungs. And the truth is it’s easy to blame others for the lack of happiness in your life.
After all, following your own personal path and pursuing your own dreams isn’t just about you. Often times it means you may have to ditch friends, get a new job, move to a new city, go back to school, get divorced, loose weight or do other things that may destroy the comfortable albeit unhappy state of life you are living in right now.
The question for most people is how they can start taking control of their life again so they can be truly happy. And while there is a step by step formula to help you, the truth is that regaining the reins of your horse can be a little frightening at first, emotionally trying and most importantly in the end, liberating. You really do have control over your life, whether you believe that or not. And the only person that is responsible for your personal blend of happiness is YOU. So if you are not happy, or if you feel that life is spinning out of control, of if you are blaming others and making excuses for the way things are – the only person you are hurting is yourself.
Following are some simple steps you can take to get back in control of your life!
- The first place to start is with your thoughts. Personal control and the loss of it is almost always a state of illusion. This starts with your mind. Chances are you have become caught up in worrying and wondering about what other people think. And you are likely also spending a lot of time thinking about the ‘should haves,’ and ‘what if’s’ of life. Either way, you are focusing on the negative, when you have to believe in the positive. This takes a change in YOUR consciousness to occur. You need to remove your negative thoughts and decide that it is time to let go of pessimistic thinking that does nothing to keep you in control of your life. Remember, that worry is a useless waste of time that doesn’t change things one way or the other. Instead, spend your time calculating the positive and thinking about the positive things in your life.
- Remove negative people from your life. You may see these people as obstacles. You have to remember that life is very short, and that keeping these folks around doesn’t help you in the least. If you feel someone is a drain on your self-confidence, is always putting you down, or is not supportive of your dreams and happiness, then you cannot have room for them in your life.
- Map out a plan. It is important to have goals and to create a positive image of what you want your future to look like. You could use dream boards, a journal, or just a decisive frame with goals and dreams that reads much like a checklist. The point is that you need to create a very visual, and very real framework of what you WANT your future to look like. Experts suggest that creating something for you to look at, and taking the time to do so actually helps to cement these changes into your psyche. Check out some of the dream boards and start creating your own right here. http://digitaldreamboard.com/
- Make sure that YOU are number ONE! For a lot of people this is difficult to do because they think putting themselves first is a sign of selfishness. The truth is its not. Even if you are a parent or married – you need to make sure that you are satisfying yourself FIRST. For one thing, it is unreasonable to expect someone else to make your dreams come true and to make YOU happy. It is not someone else’s job or responsibility to make you happy. It is 100% yours. The only way you will be able to do this is to put yourself first. Make a list of ten things that would make you happier, and start doing them. Be as committed to doing these things for yourself as you would if they were something for your spouse or children. You will find that putting yourself first, and taking care of you – makes you happier all around, and helps you to get back in the drivers seat of your life.
- Pay attention to your feelings. For most people that don’t feel they have control in their lives, they are ignoring the built in system of intuition that tells them what to do and how to feel. If someone around you, or something in your life makes you feel uneasy – commit to getting rid of it. Cleaning house so to speak, and making sure that you only surround yourself with positive influences is very important if you want to regain control of your life and your happiness.
- Reassess your priorities. This is similar to goal setting but is done on a more day-to-day basis. Every day, you should make a list of priorities for the day, including at least one activity that relates to your long term goals. Also, you should make sure that every day you are able to spend ample time doing what makes you feel good and happy. Far too often, we push aside the things that make us happy in our lives in order to get the menial things done.
Now remember, your life has been out of control for so long – regaining control will not happen overnight. But if you are committed to experiencing your own happiness and creating positive things in your life for YOURSELF, you will! Be sure to follow these six steps and to take responsibility for being in control of your life.
This is so true. I see this happening with victims of narcissistic abuse. They are so gaslighted that they question themselves about everything. They are mentally abused to the point of losing all self worth. They are like a pinball in a pinball machine of life. Only there for the enjoyment of someone else controlling their life.