The only way to grow in life, to achieve everything you want, and to live to your true potential is to take responsibility for your actions. Why? Because the only way you can change your present and future is to realize that you are the pilot of your life. With this realization of control comes the ability to make changes and do better. In other words, claiming control over your life—also known as taking responsibility—is the ONLY WAY to live authentically.
One of the best sayings in life is, “When you know better, you do better!” The only way to know better is to remain consciously aware of what’s going on in your life. If you’re constantly battling the same problem, chances are it’s because you aren’t taking responsibility for your actions. For instance, if you never have any money, can’t seem to save, or are swallowed in debt, and you’ve been fighting this battle for years, you might not be learning the lesson. Instead of taking responsibility for overusing your credit cards, spending too much each week, or not paying your bills on time, you’re probably blaming outside sources. You might complain that you don’t make enough money, that you don’t have a good job, or that you lack an education to improve your job potential. The bottom line is that all of those things you use to blame your lacks on are things that YOU—and YOU ALONE—have control over.
How often have you seen someone get pulled over for a DUI and then blame the bar that served them drinks for getting them drunk? Or what about the lawsuit a few years ago, where McDonald’s was sued for serving coffee too hot after a patron spilled it on himself in his car? Or the young adults who had difficult childhoods and then spend their adult years blaming their parents for their bad personal decisions? In nearly every facet of life today, there are vivid examples of people not taking responsibility for their own actions. We have become a society that is not just content but reliant on blaming others for what isn’t going right in our lives. Can anyone else smell the bullsh@t?
Life strategists work long and hard with clients to teach them how to take responsibility for their lives. The following tips are commonly used to help people take responsibility for their actions, based on the fact that this ownership leads to positive results.
The first lesson is to understand WHY you are so quick to blame others for your faults. Obviously, this behavior works for you on some level. If being angry with your parents enables you to be lazy or gives you an excuse to not make progress in your life, then THIS is clearly your payoff. Rather than bettering your life, you are allowing yourself to sit back and accomplish nothing based on a dated excuse, which steals all of your control. Even children can experience this: not accepting responsibility for their actions (blaming others) brings them some sort of payoff. When you figure out what the payoff is for you by making excuses and blaming others, you can begin to let them go and regain control over your life.
Another reason people don’t take responsibility for their lives is that they are living in fear or stuck in the past. Sure, we all bring hard lessons from our past. We may have been hurt by someone or something long ago, and this hurt has completely stymied our ability to move forward. Often, it’s not personal hurt that limits us, but perceived hurt from those around us. For instance, there are countless people in this world who choose to remain single and lonely because they saw how unhappy their parents were in their marriage. They hang on to this hurt and don’t take risks because of fear from the past. The past is definitely something we should learn from, but it shouldn’t be a roadblock to the future. If it is, it’s time to work on letting go.
Taking Responsibility is Also About Facing Consequences
If there’s a scapegoat out there who wants to face the consequences, let them step up. One of the most common pieces of advice offered to parents is to be consistent with children and provide consequences for their actions. It’s the consequences of our actions that enable us to learn. If we cannot face or refuse to learn from the consequences, we will remain stuck in a pattern of lack. Going back to the money example, if you cannot learn from your financial mistakes or refuse to face the consequences of your actions—such as selling your car or downsizing your house in order to pay off bills—you will never make things better.
Bottom line: In order to succeed at anything, you have to CLAIM IT. Unfortunately, this also means claiming the things that go wrong in your life. If you screwed up, owning it will give you the momentum to move forward and do better. This includes your thoughts, attitudes, and actions. There’s no harm in making mistakes or failing in life. Unless, of course, those mistakes or failures are turned into excuses filled with blame. Blaming others or blaming circumstances steals the control that you—and you alone—have in your life.
