Professor's House

Taking Your Teenagers Cell Phone Away

Warning!! There will be no soft parenting advice here. The truth is that YOU grew up just fine without a cell phone – in fact, you never needed one – and the reality is your child doesn’t NEED one either. As a tool of discipline, taking your teenagers cell phone away can be one of the best ways to well… discipline your child. Recent research has shown that teens today feel real separation anxiety symptoms when they are without their cell phones. And laws today, which fight for both sides of the ‘should cell phones be allowed at school,’ debate, are quite frankly ridiculous and only seem to encourage the elitist entitled attitude of young people today.

Okay, “So the times they are a changing.” Thank you Bob Dylan for filling us in. And yes, technology is part of today and a massive part of our future. But that doesn’t mean that a teenager – who is in the midst of development and life exploration – necessarily HAS to have a cell phone to survive. Look at some of this research about teens and cell phones that comes from the Pew Internet and American Life Research Project.

  • Texting (rather than talking) has become the ‘preferred’ method of communication for teens and their social peers.
  • 75% of children ages 12 – 17 own cell phones.
  • Less than 25% of teens actually talk to their friends outside of school using any method aside from a cell phone.
  • One in three teens sends MORE than 100 text messages per day. (When pray tell do they have the time for this)
  • 51% of teens 12-17 admit to sending or receiving sexually explicit text messages.
  • The number one reason that teens desire cell phones is for social interaction. (What happened to playgrounds, going over to friend’s houses after school?)
  • 69% of teens say that their phone is their MAIN source of entertainment.
  • 78% of teens say that they have used their cell phone during school – even though it is against the rules.
  • 91% of all teens say that their parents are responsible for paying for their cell phone.

(Insert sounds of screeching brakes). Did you just see that last statistic?

Parents are the ones financially responsible for cell phones. Parents are the ones that incur millions of dollars worth of overages each and every year (According to Verizon wireless) due to their teens misuse and irresponsibility utilizing cell phones. One in every 4 teens is added to their parent’s cell plan by the age of 12 in the United States alone. This is a huge financial expense for parents each and every month, one that is essentially unnecessary. Even though parents today feel happy and warm knowing their child has a cell phone and they can be reached at any time – teens today are outsmarting parents when it comes to the capabilities that cell phones offer. Such as GPS, and online gaming, and social networking, and often – becoming involved in illegal activities through the cell phone.

The bottom line is this. If your teen has a cell phone, they likely feel a very close and personal relationship with the device. So when grades drop, when they back talk you, when they fail to be responsible or respectful, or don’t meet any other expectation that you have of them – taking it away from them, indefinitely – is a parents best line of defense. To a teen, the cell phone is like a drug. Addictive and soothing. What they often fail to realize is that this ‘drug of choice,’ so to speak is also a privilege. Teens are NOT entitled to a cell phone. And even if they work hard and pay for all or part of the bill themselves, parents have the right and RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that the cell phone is not a life distraction. Which far too often in life today, it most certainly is – especially for teens.

Additionally, be prepared for the whole, “You are ruining my life,” “I hate you,” “How can you do this to me,” “My boy/girl friend will break up with me if I cannot text,” melodrama that they are sure to spout your way when you take the cell phone away. Your children may truly feel in that moment that their life is over. The truth is that their life as they know it is being changed a little bit, which can be uncomfortable. But based on their dependence – it likely needs to happen. Remember, you got along just fine with Facebook or a cell phone. And your teen will too. Plus, Dr. Phil is always reminding parents to find their child’s currency. To find that one thing that is important to them and to use it as a discipline tool so that they can truly be afforded the opportunity to realize consequences of action. Well Mom and Dad – you know what it is. Their cell phone. And it is certainly in your best interest to use that currency as necessary. (Plus, you PAY FOR IT, which essentially means it is yours)

Parents today are constantly complaining about how much time their teens spend on technology. Kids are spending more time Facebooking and texting than they are studying and working. And this, is a parenting problem. If you don’t like them taking texts during dinner – take the phone away. In other words, realize that you have all the tools necessary to curb this behavior and to put an end to it should the need arise. Sure, you want your kids to be accessible and to be afforded the same niceties in life that their friends have. Yet, at the same time – they too have to show some personal integrity before expensive life ornaments such as cell phones are handed over blindly.

Related posts

Avoiding Arguments with a Teenager

Staff

Dealing with Your Daughter’s First Period

Stef Daniel

Fighting with Teenage Daughters

Staff

14 comments

Tori April 25, 2016 at 9:49 AM

not all parents buy and pay for the cell phone… I’m 17, I bought my iPhone at 15 when I had a job and could pay for it. I still pay my phone bill. So why is it right for my parents to take away something I pay for on a monthly basis. But not only do they take my phone, they go in and they read all of my texts and twitter messages, they completely invade my privacy.

Reply
John Chavez January 17, 2018 at 8:16 AM

yes, you are part of the 9%

Reply
Danielle May 4, 2016 at 12:47 PM

Teenagers back then didn’t need a phone because it was too expensive for their parents to buy every single child one. They didn’t need a phone because the parents worked all day and the only rule was to be home before sundown. Also, the kidnapping and rape percentages were a lot lower than they are today. I will agree that teenager are obsessively close with their phones but that is only because that is where all of our privacy lays. Your privacy was in a journal, which your bully could take and copy and show to everyone. If ours is on our phones, then it can be more protected from a lot more people because of passwords. Sure, the geniuses that hack into phones can unlock the phone and retrieve whatever they want on it, but the people smart enough to do that, don’t want to be bothered as to what’s on Betty’s phone.
“(What happened to playgrounds, going over to friend’s houses after school?)” We still do that, thank you for acknowledging that all humans from 12-17 are depressed vampires who hate people. Teenagers having phones allows us to be more accessible to where our friends our so that we could meet up with them (ON A PLAYGROUND WOW). And duh 91% of teens say their parents pay for phones, we’re broke!! Don’t you remember when you were in high school and college, having a part-time or full-time job to help pay off debt? Most teenagers have some sort of way of earning money, whether it be from their parents or a neighbor, they still don’t earn a sufficient amount of money to pay for their own phone. Parents know that their kid has no money, that’s where an allowance comes in. (OMG no way???)
Along with the privacy thing too, unless you have a suspicion of your kid doing drugs or being in a gang and robbing people, leave their privacy alone. If you snoop on your kid and look at what they are texting their friends, why? What purpose does it give to you? Are you really that bored with your life that you need to know the latest drama happening between a boy your daughter secretly likes and his current girlfriend? Wow. Congratulations, you have reached a new low in my book. Leave the kid alone, Peaking on their privacy makes them not want to trust their parents which creates an even bigger strain on the relationship.

Reply
Marie August 26, 2017 at 9:43 PM

Hmm if only u realized taking away a child’s phone will drive a wedge between u and them. More and more anytime u take it

Reply
Marie August 26, 2017 at 9:45 PM

Hmm if only u realized taking away a child’s phone will drive a wedge between u and them. More and more anytime u take it and also that is how they get in touch with there friends so if they get sad and need to talk to someone their first response will be texting a friend.. if they don’t have that person to vent to and really don’t want to talk to u as most teenagers do not want to talk to their parents they will resort to other options of coping which will be worse then a little cell phone I can promise u that

Reply
Siobhan September 17, 2017 at 2:24 PM

Danielle:
“Also, the kidnapping and rape percentages were a lot lower than they are today.”
FBI crime statistics report: Rapes 1984: 35.6 per 100,000
2014: 26.4 per 100,000
You are a low-information whiner. Stop trying to justify why adults are responsible for your pleasure. Knowledge is power.

Reply
Lola November 15, 2017 at 12:35 AM

Take away the phone , they learn their lessons the hard ways … cell phones are privileges not a priority, when they misuse it , take it away

Reply
Tahlia February 27, 2018 at 8:49 PM

bullllshite , I have my own phone that my parents didn’t pay for and they still took it , its stupid I paid for it , its mine

Reply
Rich April 2, 2018 at 2:19 PM

Do you live under their roof? It is THAT simple. GET OUT and take care of your self….

Reply
Erice September 19, 2018 at 6:12 PM

If he is a minor and bought his own phone what right do the parents have to take his phone away

Reply
Selene April 9, 2018 at 1:52 AM

I completely agree with Danielle and Marie, here. As a “good kid”, I was completely disturbed when my parents (quite literally) snatched my phone from my hands and looked through all of my messages, social media, and history right in front of me. Of course I had done nothing wrong and they were just curious, but just the idea that they had access to my “digital diary”, as I’ll call it, was mortifying. Sadly, I’m going to have to put up with it until I move out next year. However, when I have kids in the distant future, as long as they give me no reason to distrust them, I would NEVER do this. I honestly felt so naked and hurt that first time.

Reply
Selene April 9, 2018 at 1:55 AM

As a “good kid”, I was completely disturbed when my parents (quite literally) snatched my phone from my hands and looked through all of my messages, social media, and history right in front of me. Of course I had done nothing wrong and they were just curious, but just the idea that they had access to my “digital diary”, as I’ll call it, was mortifying. Sadly, I’m going to have to put up with it until I move out next year. However, when I have kids in the distant future, as long as they give me no reason to distrust them, I would NEVER do this. I honestly felt so naked and hurt that first time.

Reply
Nathan Mcwhorter May 14, 2018 at 12:32 PM

The thing about this is yeah teens did just fine back in the day without a phone but ask yourself this, if all of your friends had a cell phone and were always posting and texting each other but you didn’t have a phone wouldn’t you feel left out. I really only use my phone for snapchat and texting my mom and dad i dont even go on instagram and facebook but whenever it gets taken away I feel so left out because everyone else has a phone. Its not that I can’t live without my phone its that all my friends are texting and playing on their phones and I’m just sitting there with nothing today. If we lived in a society where there wasn’t as many kids with phones I wouldn’t mind not having one but people tend to overlook this.

Reply
Olivia White November 13, 2018 at 1:54 PM

Honestly, Stef Daniel, I hate to be vulgar but your advice on this is complete bullshit. There have been studies that show taking away a phone as punishment for something unrelated to the phone makes the issue significantly worse. This breaks the trust of the child, and can ruin parent-child relationships. Children who’s phones are taken away and searched through loose all trust in their parents, often leading to lying and sneakiness. Miss, it would behoove you to do your research before telling parents to snatch kid’s phones. You said it yourself, there is real separation anxiety involved. Taking the phone will get their attention, but for the wrong reason. The best thing you can do sit down and talk with your kids about the issue. It’s the bond with your child or the phone.

Reply

Leave a Comment

13 + twelve =

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.