For young people between the ages of 10 and 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death, according to the CDC. Each year, teenage suicide results in the untimely death of around 4,600 young lives. The majority of these suicides are carried out using a loaded weapon found in the teen’s home. Perhaps even more tragic is that, while this many teens die from suicide, far more teens—over 157,000—survive suicide attempts. This shows just how prevalent suicide is among the teenage population.
Teenage suicide knows no boundaries. It does not strike poor people more than rich people, or black people more than white. It affects individuals from all walks of life, including those from middle-class and upper-class families. In about 1 out of every 3 teenage suicides, the parents, friends, and family report no distinct warning signs. Sure, the teenager may have been having some problems at school, struggling with friendships, dealing with a breakup, or experiencing a drop in grades—but most parents assume that this is just part of the phase of teenage years.
The Importance of Talking to Your Teen About Suicide
While there are predispositions to suicide, such as mental illness, alcohol or drug abuse, a history of mental illness, and a family history of suicide, most families are taken completely off guard. This is why talking to your teens about suicide is so important.
Although your teenager may look like an adult, their brain is still developing. Teenagers do not always have the ability to see around corners and often don’t fully understand the long-term consequences of their actions. Many teens who attempt suicide are actually doing so as a way to seek help or attention. They may feel that what they’re going through is so overwhelming that they see no way out. Unable to see beyond the present moment, teens may believe their emotional pain is permanent.
Experts agree that young people do not have the ability to comprehend the permanence of actions like suicide. Parents need to stay vigilant and in tune with how their teens are feeling. If you notice that your teen has suddenly changed friends, seems to be depressed, or is otherwise going through a dark phase, it’s important to act immediately. According to a survey of high school students, 2 out of every 4 teens admitted to having thoughts of suicide at one point. This means that half of all teenagers may be struggling silently. Could your teen be one of them?
Another factor contributing to the rise in suicide rates among young people is the media and online social networks, which sometimes glorify those who commit suicide. Consider the immense attention that the suicide of Amanda Todd garnered on social media. Within a week, other teenagers began threatening copycat suicides and joining the “Amanda Todd bandwagon.” For teens already facing emotional difficulties, the posthumous attention given to Amanda Todd seemed to validate their own reasons for committing suicide. Even worse is the “Forever 15” club—an online pact among girls who plan to commit suicide during their 15th year. These teens make a virtual pact to end their lives, often without the knowledge of anyone else except for the other members of the “club.”
Parents must step in and explain to their teens that suicide is NOT the answer! Teens need to hear that the glorification of death in the shadow of dark emotions does not punish anyone except for the teen and the family who loves them. Amanda Todd’s suicide caused immeasurable pain to her family, while the people who bullied her continue their lives. In fact, the best revenge is living a fulfilling life.
The Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide believes that any mention of suicide by a young person should be taken seriously. You should encourage your teen to speak up if they hear a friend talk about suicide and immediately tell an adult. It’s impossible to know whether the talk is just an attention-seeking cry or a genuine cry for help, but it’s critical not to ignore it. In fact, about 4 out of 5 teens who commit suicide have first confided in someone else, whether it be a friend or a family member. All talk of suicide should be treated seriously.
If your child says, “I am just going to kill myself” after getting mad, slamming the door, or being upset over something like not being allowed to go to a party, it is your responsibility as a parent to seek help for your teen. No situation should ever make you dismiss such words as an overreaction. It’s crucial not to call your teen “crazy” or try to diffuse the situation with angry words. Instead, try to stay calm, compassionate, and non-judgmental. Your teen needs you to be understanding during such emotional moments.
While you may try to talk things through yourself, many teens respond better when speaking with a professional or in group therapy. You should also contact your pediatrician to let them know that your teen is struggling. There is no shame in seeking help, and the last thing you want to do is wait to see if your teen is “just bluffing,” especially when teens often act impulsively without thinking things through.
If you need immediate help, you can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. The hotline is staffed with trained professionals who can talk to you, your teen, or any family members about suicide prevention. This service is available for both teens thinking of suicide and those who have friends who have mentioned suicide. It’s also a valuable resource for parents seeking guidance.
The most important thing you can do when talking to your teen about suicide is to make sure they know that NOTHING—absolutely nothing—is so bad that suicide is the solution. Teens need to feel that they are supported by their families and that mistakes and difficult situations are part of life. This message should be repeated often. Parents must stay vigilant and aware of their teen’s mood and behavior changes—it could make all the difference in saving their life.
The worst mistake a parent can make is to assume that “it won’t happen to your child.” No teen is immune to thoughts or feelings that could lead to suicidal tendencies.
Whatever you do, do not remain silent. Even if you’re unsure of the right words to say, say something. Tell your teen you love them, that they are valued, and that they make a difference in your life and in the world. These are words no teen, no matter how many eye rolls they give, can hear too much.