Teaching Kids Table Manners: A Parenting Must
If you’ve ever sat down at your dinner table and been so revolted by your child’s behavior that you lost your appetite, then you can appreciate the task of teaching kids table manners. Sadly, parents spend an immense amount of time trying to teach their children proper table manners when they are little, constantly reminding them to chew with their mouths closed, keep their elbows off the table, stop playing with their food, and use their fork. You would think the human child would be automatically programmed to be mannerly. However, any visit to a Ruby Tuesday on a “kids eat free” night will show you that the opposite is true.
What’s even more disconcerting is that teenagers seem to lack table manners to an extreme degree. Few seem to know how to sit at the table properly, let alone bring their fork to their mouth rather than their mouth to the plate. In the grand scheme of life, table manners are important. There will be many occasions in a person’s life when they’ll be judged and evaluated based on their table manners.
The First Steps to Teaching Table Manners
The first step in teaching kids table manners is to set a good example. Today, families rarely eat meals together, which could be giving way to a new generation of “table heathens.” However, you don’t want to find out at a Thanksgiving dinner that your child lacks basic etiquette. Try to have at least two family meals together each week. Making this a tradition when your children are in high chairs will go a long way in shaping their table manners. If you can do more, then by all means, do so.
The second step is to expect your children to use manners all the time. Teach them simple things, like washing their hands before eating, not blowing their nose or combing their hair at the dinner table, and keeping a napkin on their lap. When you set these expectations, your children will quickly learn that these are non-negotiables in your household. Even better, they won’t even know that any other way exists—except for what they might see in the school cafeteria. And remember, you’re an example too. You can’t expect your kids to use manners if you don’t use them yourself.
Teaching the Basics: Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me
The next step is teaching simple commands like “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.” These aren’t just catchphrases—they should be used frequently throughout the day, especially at the table. Yes, it’s funny to throw rolls across the table, but it’s much more mannerly to ask for them and then thank the person who passes them. When your kids are young, remind them all the time—whether you’re at McDonald’s or at home. Keeping manners at the forefront requires more discipline from parents than it does from kids, but it’s worth it!
You also need to be a role model at the table (yes, we’ve said that before). Your children will follow your lead, so use good manners yourself.
Manners Beyond Your Own Table
One aspect of manners that many parents forget to teach their children is how to act in the company of others. It’s one thing to have your own flesh and blood act distastefully at the table, but if you’ve ever had your child’s friend over for dinner, or out to dinner with you, and had to deal with their rudeness, you know how embarrassing that can be.
Remind your kids not to complain about the food or be overly picky in the company of others. They should follow proper table etiquette and behave appropriately, especially when dining with people outside the family. And do the same yourself! You should use better manners at your in-laws’ dinner table than at your own, no matter how comfortable you are.
Staying at the Table and Helping with Clean-Up
One of the most upsetting signs of poor manners at the table is when older children push away from the table after a meal, burp, and simply leave. When teaching kids table manners, ensure they know they should stay at the table until everyone is finished eating. Teach them to clear the table once they’ve finished, too. It’s not too much for a 5- or 15-year-old to take responsibility for their plate and put away the ketchup. When they’re at a friend or relative’s house, they should perform their table manners and help clean up without being asked.
If this is expected at home, it will become second nature for them when they’re away.
Why Table Manners Matter
Teaching kids table manners isn’t about creating a prim and proper atmosphere at the dinner table. Dinner can be full of laughter and jokes. However, it should always be done with respect. Since ancient times, eating together—breaking bread, sitting down for a meal—has been a central part of human culture. There is a right way and a wrong way to do it.
Not teaching kids table manners is a form of poor parenting. Some parents feel they should give their child freedom of expression with no rules or restrictions, but children need both. They must understand that there are boundaries of acceptable behavior, especially in the presence of others. If they cannot use their table manners, don’t deny them food—deny them the bounty of social bonding that happens at a respectable dinner table with family and friends.
Teaching kids table manners doesn’t require a parenting book or special training. What it takes is respect, a clear sense of expectation, and constant reminding and training. Manners are a part of life, and your child will get much further in life with them than without.
