It’s not a topic that we’re eager to discuss with our children as they grow older, and there’s certainly enough controversy around even talking about it. But the truth is, kids will learn about sex and birth control from one source or another. I originally learned how babies were made from a book, and later, in my early teens, most of my information came from my friends. Teenage friends are not a very reliable source of information for anything, especially not topics like birth control and sexual responsibility. Ultimately, teaching teenagers about birth control falls on the parents’ shoulders.
The conservative parent believes that if they never speak to their children about these matters, their children won’t engage in such behaviors. This is about as risky as betting a year’s salary at the roulette tables. Maybe you’re right, and maybe you’re wrong. But are the consequences worth being wrong? Sexual responsibility is a very important part of young adulthood. While the most responsible sexual act is definitely abstinence, if your teenager chooses a different path, knowing the importance of protecting themselves can change the entire course—and length—of their life.
The Serious Consequences of Ignoring Sexual Responsibility
Pregnancy is only one consequence of unprotected sex. While HIV is the most strongly discussed sexually transmitted disease, there are still many others that can seriously impact a young woman’s ability to have children later on, or a young man’s overall health—or, God forbid, your daughter’s life. Talking with kids about sexual responsibility once meant discussing the potential for pregnancy and a few diseases that doctors could help them control. Now, it’s about a life-threatening disease that could prevent them from fully realizing their potential. With that perspective, a few minutes of discomfort is certainly worth urging them to be safe out in the world.
Just because you speak to them today doesn’t mean they will run out tomorrow and try it, but it does mean that you’ve planted a seed that has time to flourish and grow into a reality that will help keep them safe.
Kids are just as uncomfortable talking about sex and sexual responsibility as their parents are. They expect a lecture with blushing faces and a basic discussion, similar to what they might expect from their gym teacher during sex ed class. Why not turn the tables a little? Why not let them do some of the talking? Ask them what their friends are doing, who they know that is sexually active, what they think about it, their views on abortion, or if they know anyone with HIV. The answers you get may very well surprise you. Kids don’t listen to sexual responsibility lectures any more intently than they do lectures on cleaning their rooms, grades, or homework. Teenagers tend to respond best when they are heard, and when their viewpoints are discussed like those of an adult. Talking to your kids about sexual responsibility also means talking with them about what they think. They are separate individuals from you, and are likely to have a few different viewpoints.
If there’s a choice, which parent talks to the teenager about sexual responsibility may impact how well the discussion goes. It doesn’t have to be gender-oriented, although sometimes that can help. If there’s a parent in the house who tends to be really uptight and gets emotional quickly, perhaps the more relaxed and easy-going parent should step up for the sex talks. If one parent is very conservative while the other is a little more liberal, a teenager might feel braver about the talk if the liberal parent approaches them about sexual responsibility.
Discussing sexual responsibility doesn’t have to happen all in one big sit-down. Tune into pop star news a little bit, and you’ll have ample opportunities to discuss values, sexual responsibility, and drugs and alcohol with your kid every day. Often, approaching the conversation from a third-party perspective and then personalizing it can lead to a more agreeable discussion. Talking about someone else’s behavior as well as your own can ease tension and create a more relaxed, open conversation.
No matter how you choose to approach it, the conversation needs to happen. Your teenager will learn these things (most of them before they hit their teens), but their sources may be questionable. The best thing you can do is talk to your teenager honestly, and often, and hope they hear you loud enough to be responsible out there in the big adult world they are so eager to be a part of. Teaching teenagers about birth control is just one more step in launching them into responsible adulthood.
