Professor's House

Telling a Boyfriend You’re Pregnant

Oh, this is a biggie. Especially if your significant other is not expecting the news. In fact, it may take more energy to muster up the courage to say the fated words ‘I’m pregnant‘ than it does to jump off a bridge connected only by a bungee cord. However, you need to think about this for a minute. Obviously, the two of you are in the sort of relationship where perhaps unintentional, pregnancy is definitely possible. While you may feel apprehensive about his reactions, telling a boyfriend you’re pregnant isn’t the worst thing in the world and his responsibility in the situation is just as great as yours (if not more so).

Before you do spill the beans- so to speak, there are a few things that you should know. This news IS going to change your relationship in numerous ways there is no way around that. And, his immediate reaction – just like yours, may not be his overall reaction. Remember that unless he is waiting outside the bathroom door as you take the pregnancy test, you have had slightly more time to let the idea hit home. Also, keep in mind that this boyfriend is a male and men process things very differently than women. Don’t spend too much time thinking or anticipating what his reaction may be lest you be disappointed with the results. He may just say ‘okay honey,’ and continue watching the ball game, lift you up in a swirl of frenzied romanticism or more than likely have little reaction at all except for -a dire urge to use the restroom.

Let’s be real. Telling your boyfriend you are pregnant is really about telling the world you got your hand caught in the cookie jar. You may feel ashamed, embarrassed, or worried about the judgment from others. The good news is that from this point on, what really matters is what you and your boyfriend feel. This is your drama to work out and chances are it will. If you consider the amount of babies born out of wedlock and due to unintentional pregnancies, you would realize that a great many of us would not be here otherwise. This is a good time to refocus your attentions in life, get your act together (if it isn’t already) and be willing to take the next right and beautiful step that fate has you walking toward.

You have to be aware that there are still a few rules when it comes to telling your boyfriend that you are pregnant. For instance, make sure you tell him FIRST. He doesn’t want to hear it from your best friend’s husband or some other stranger before he even knows what’s up. Secondly, make sure that you have this conversation when you are not in the midst of a heated discussion, when he is sober and when he is not in a bad mood. Don’t pussyfoot around with your news, hold it in for weeks, and then blurt it out and certainly don’t test the waters! Don’t force him to answer a bunch of ‘hypothetical’ questions about the what if’s and then as soon as he says, ‘I never want any children’ blurt it out in a fit of hormonal upset. Be fair. Lastly, don’t tell him over the phone, by sending him an email or a text or by placing something as trite as a pacifier in his briefcase (do men still carry those). Just say it. ‘Guess what dear?’ ‘I’m prego!’ ‘So, what do you think of those Braves this year?’

Listen, when it comes to life it is full of curve balls. Think back over your life and your relationships to date and you will see that lots of tiny and looming things have happened that you weren’t necessarily prepared for. Telling your boyfriend you’re pregnant is the same type of thing. Truth is, even if you are married and trying to conceive this is a difficult thing to say simply because there are so many emotional attachments to what you expect of the reaction and what it is. Pregnancy, changes things for men and women in big ways. The two of you have just now, in this instance, become parents and one of the biggest obstacles that parents face is letting go of preconceived notions and learning to communicate effectively. Here’s your chance!

Some men are actually pleased about the news. From a boyfriend point of view, it makes the whole concept of marriage should you choose to have a shot-gun wedding easier. It sort of helps answer the questions of what to do in life all and of itself. There isn’t any more waiting for a sign if this is the girl you want to marry. And even if you choose to be one of the millions of couples who perpetually date and live together without ever getting married; you are adding to the relationship and to the journey.

Interestingly, a poll in Maxim magazine revealed that men are more nervous talking about ‘pregnancy’ with their girlfriend or wife’s father than anyone else. Apparently, admitting that you have been making love to his daughter is uncomfortable no matter what the situation and as you are cheerfully planning a nursery, he is falling victim to the stern and angry stares of your dad. Understandably. Pregnancy though is not one of those things that you can hide from the world, at least not for long. Perhaps it hasn’t happened as or when you planned, but now that it is a reality telling your boyfriend that you are pregnant is your only option. Good luck with that.

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