Every school has one: the bossy mom who seems to run everything. She’s the perennial room mother, despite other qualified parents, substitutes for teachers, showers staff with gifts, and acts as the school’s busybody. She’s likely behind the yearbook, ensuring her child dominates its pages, and thrives on controlling PTA meetings as president or secretary. Donut fundraisers? Cookie dough sales? Most parents would rather write a check than peddle her questionable products.
In cliquey school systems, you know exactly who she is—and she drives you nuts. You might secretly wish her family would relocate to China or Canada, sparing you her overbearing presence for the rest of your child’s school years.
Yet, despite disagreeing with her style, attitude, and ideas, you probably stay quiet. When she emails asking you to bring Cheetos to the next school event, you agree, making small talk, even though you find Cheetos absurdly messy and unhealthy. You could suggest grapes or brownies, but instead, you begrudgingly buy those orange twists, seething inside.
Why do we, as mothers, do this? Are we being polite, avoiding conflict, or secretly jealous? It’s certainly not fun resenting the Suburban-driving mom who acts like she owns the school. Our kids are the ones in class, not us, right?
Embracing Your Voice as a Parent
Some people, like this mom, crave feeling important. Her need to control trivial events like ice cream socials shouldn’t stop you from speaking your mind. She may dress like a wannabe teacher, happily cutting die-cuts all day, perhaps because she has little else to do. She might worry that without currying favor with staff, her child won’t be favored. This behavior often persists through high school, as she pushes for her child’s spot on the basketball team or in Beta Club.
Many parents feel inadequate compared to her. It’s not that we don’t want to volunteer or support the school—we simply lack the time. Most of us want our kids to succeed based on their merits, not because we’re feared or overly involved.
The solution? Let Mrs. Bossy do her thing. If she derives importance from being room mom or party planner, that’s fine—you’re too busy. Laugh it off inwardly, but don’t hesitate to share your ideas. Staying silent only limits your impact and the potential benefits for your child’s school.
Don’t fear disagreeing or stepping up. The school may rely on her eagerness, but you could easily take her place—without the overbearing attitude. As a parent, you’re navigating a new world of challenges among countless other moms and dads. Strive to get along, minimize annoyance, and assert yourself with self-respect. Don’t let Mrs. Bossy—or anyone—bully you. By doing so, you’ll set a strong example for your kids, feel less resentful, and happily relinquish the room mom title, knowing your worth doesn’t depend on it.
