“Love letters straight from the heart, keep up so near while apart…”
Do people still write love letters the way our parents and grandparents did? Songwriters Victor Young and Edward Heyman, who wrote the song Love Letters, probably lived in an era when it was common to compose an eloquent note to your loved one to keep the flames of love burning at high intensity.
Today, the rules have changed. In the interest of the environment and for the sake of brevity and clarity, emails have replaced parchment letters. In grandma’s time, it was okay to write, “My dear fair-skinned maiden endowed with rare beauty, I give you my undying love and affection.” These days, we start our greeting with “Hey!” and if we have thirty seconds to spare, we might add, “Thinkin’ of you…what’s up?”
That’s just one sign of the changing world of dating. There are others…
Dating Game is a Changin’ – More Signs
Want more signs that the dating scene is evolving faster than Einstein could have envisioned? You’ve probably seen some yourself. If not, just visit dating sites on cyberspace and browse through the topics. We did that today, January 13, 2007, and these were the topics on the landing page of one site:
- Single in the Suburbs, Part 22 – Seriously, how much can be written about being single and living in the suburbs? If there were 21 parts before this topic, people must think being single in the suburbs generates enough philosophical discussion to merit 22 parts and more. Can this subject really rank up there with James Michener’s *Hawaii*?
- Suddenly Single – We read the first two paragraphs of the article, and it had nothing to do with being suddenly single. It was actually a woman writing for advice on how to handle a situation resembling couples swapping. You know, that story where a couple meets another couple, becomes good friends, does everything together, until one husband falls in love with the other’s wife and vice versa.
- Online Dating: Three Key Rules – When we read the article, the topic wasn’t so much about online dating etiquette for the general dating population, but was more targeted towards single parents dating other single parents. The article was written by Rachel Greenwald, who also wrote the famous book *Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School*. If we remember correctly, that book stirred some excitement among women in that age group who were still trying to find a significant other.
- Gay Dating: Different Political Loyalties – This man is dating another man who meets all his criteria for the perfect match. There’s just one issue: his date is a Republican and he’s a Democrat – a hardcore Democrat, no less. It’s an issue that must be addressed, no matter how well the relationship is going.
Strange topics, right? We won’t do a complete rundown here, but these are the kinds of subjects flooding dating sites, showing us that dating has now become a discipline, a science, a human exercise subject to defined protocols. Just as leaders in power follow international diplomatic protocol, dating in the 21st century seems to follow a similar structure.
Someone should write a Dating Declaration outlining one’s “constitutional” rights. With all the books published on dating and relationships, these developments indicate that the world of relationships and dating has changed—radically.
Anything goes. What’s happening in the dating scene could make our grandparents shudder. Take that fellow who wrote for advice, deeply troubled by the fact that he’s a Democrat and his love interest is a Republican. We don’t see why the relationship can’t work – after all, he did say it was the perfect match. The only thing they should avoid is VOTING TOGETHER. They can sleep, eat, dance, shower, and pray together—they just need to keep their ballots separate. Is that so difficult to understand these days? Why, in heaven’s name, is it an issue at all? We’d probably be wasting our time trying to answer that question. Apparently, there will always be a few people who make a big deal of it. So, unless you’re prepared for a sociological discussion with us, we won’t attempt a mini treatise on the subject.
Would professors, perhaps, be willing to expound on this subject?
Changing the Change
Changing the change? No, it’s not a mere question of semantics. We’re not trying to be glib or engage in wordplay. Let us explain.
Our online research on dating revealed these facts: First, dating sites have earned tremendous revenue by focusing on a niche market—human beings’ need to connect. Second, this niche market opened the door for diversification, a business strategy, and a wealth-creation tool. Third, rather than sticking to the traditional model of finding a mate, dating sites now cater to segments of the population who don’t necessarily want a mate but are interested in friendship via email. They’ve closed their minds to dating but enjoy the pleasures of email exchanges. Fourth, this spirit of accommodation has led to millions of site users: gay and lesbian individuals have been included, articles and relationship coaching have been added, and new businesses have sprung up—health and weight topics, grooming, spa destinations, travel discounts, and specialized, theme-based matching (e.g., “Jewish boy wants to meet nice Jewish girl” or “I’m a former military service officer excited to meet another military person”). The possibilities are limitless.
Talk about dating and its residual by-products! We’re now getting to the part about explaining “changing the change.”
We were surprised when a site, supposedly based in Vancouver, popped up on our screen. We won’t mention the name, but suffice it to say it represents a refreshing change in the changing world of dating. From the perspective of site owners, a dating site is only successful if it has a large number of users and generates membership fees. This site, however, DOES NOT charge any membership fees.
That’s why we say it’s a refreshing change. Rarely does a site operate without charging nickels, dimes, and dollars for the search for that significant other.
This one’s on the house.
It claims to be #1 in Canada, #6 in the U.S., and #9 in the U.K. When asked how many new members they gain per month, their answer was, “This is a meaningless number, but our membership grows by about 7.5% each month.” They operate with four volunteers, manage 5.2 million user postings, and have over 200 forums.
The site attributes its success to the fact that it is free and can find the perfect match for members “without asking 436 questions.” Out of curiosity, we typed in some data, thinking that since the site is free, the results would either be dismally low (due to its lesser-known status) or outrageously high (because it’s free).
The results weren’t bad at all for a freebie site. Our sense of humor was awakened when one of the results yielded this blurb from a man:
“…I weigh 200 pounds, have black hair, blue eyes, and am in good shape. I like working out at the gum 3 to 5 times a week…”
“Gum” was most likely a typo and meant to be “gym,” but if he really meant “gum,” that’s not such an unusual fetish. It’s close to kissing… and 3 to 5 times a week sounds about average.
The changing world of dating is really about meeting faceless, nameless strangers until one of the two online daters decides to put a face to the name. It’s about playing it safe and dating blindly until… well… you think investing in a video camera and installing it on your computer is worth the extra dollars.
The changing world of dating is about investing time, money, or both, and taking a risk on an unknown commodity. The ability to turn that commodity into a human being you would cherish and love forever lies in you—and you alone.
