“How many Facebook friends do you have?” asks one 16-year-old girl to another. Today, success and popularity are often measured by the number of Facebook friends, Twitter followers, or Instagram likes one accumulates online. The reality is that those 1,600 friends on your Facebook page are often people you barely know or may have never even spoken to. If you’re like most people, you likely spend more time texting your REAL friends than actually talking to them or meeting face-to-face. We now live in a highly connected yet unconnected world, where personal relationships and intimate bonding are becoming a lost art.
Through the wonders of the internet, people from all walks of life and corners of the globe can meet and interact. The boundaries that once kept people apart due to language, distance, or culture are rapidly being removed. Yet, we are becoming more distant from intimate personal relationships than ever before.
A study from the University of Michigan, conducted with newly graduating high school seniors, showed that today’s young adults lack key communication skills needed for effective face-to-face conversations. Many of these young people struggle to engage in simple interactions, such as job interviews, because they have missed out on the important developmental phases of personal interactions that come from REAL—meaning physical and face-to-face—relationships. Young adults have grown accustomed to dealing with situations from the removed perspective of text or email, which lack two fundamental elements of communication: emotion and sincerity.
Many adults today face the same challenges. It has become common for people to resolve personal differences on Facebook or through text messages. There are millions of blogs where individuals communicate and share their lives through the written word, often gaining thousands of followers (friends) despite having no real relationships beyond the computer screen. These seemingly outgoing and articulate individuals gain confidence and validation from an audience they have never met in person.
Just a decade ago, friends would meet for coffee or lunch. Today, they snap chat one another and share pictures and updates through platforms as impersonal as Facebook and Twitter. It’s not uncommon to hear life-altering news—such as a marriage, birth, or death—through online interactions rather than personal ones. Greeting cards are being replaced by memes and online card services, and thank-you notes are often texted on Christmas morning by 11-year-olds to their grandparents.
There is undoubtedly a double-edged sword that technology presents. While we may feel more connected to a larger number of people, the intimate relationships built on trust, understanding, and compassion that develop through physical presence are often lacking. One of the most fundamental forms of human emotion comes through physical touch: a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back. The eyes and body language of others convey a lot about what they are really saying and feeling. Yet all of this is absent in our ultra-connected technological world, which simulates friendships much like video games simulate war. Ask yourself: Does an emoticon hug provide the same sense of compassion and empowerment as a real-life hug? Does a typed message of condolence or congratulations carry the same weight as the heartfelt words of a friend or loved one?
As with all things in life, the key is balance and boundaries. The online world is a vast mixing bowl of possibilities, but it shouldn’t be the only form of personal interaction one has with the outside world. If you find yourself spending more time in your virtual world than in your real one, you may be missing out on key elements of human interaction that can add genuine value to your life. If you measure your success and popularity by counting your Facebook friends and Twitter followers, you might be crossing a boundary between fantasy and reality.
With more technology comes more connections than we ever thought possible. However, these connections must add value to our lives—in our real lives—if we truly want to be connected to others. While our virtual world of friends, followers, and chat rooms can help bridge the gaps that often exist, we should strive to keep these relationships alive and authentic by investing in them beyond what the internet can offer.