The Crazy Train of Thought Barreling Through a Mother’s Mind

It’s three o’clock! Time to go get the girls from school. Man, I love those kids. Can’t wait to hear about their day. Yay, a break from work too. Where are my keys? If I’m late, Crissy will freak out again and think I abandoned her! Those teachers in the carpool lane will think I’m the worst mom if she starts crying. Again. Where’s my red lipstick? If I put it on, maybe the teachers won’t notice that I still have my pajamas on. Or that I’m driving barefoot. I hope I don’t get pulled over. Isn’t it illegal to drive barefoot or something like that? Why would it be illegal? I need to google that when I get home. I better drive carefully just in case. I should keep a pair of shoes in my car for situations like these where it requires too much effort to actually place shoes on my feet to drive somewhere. I’ll never remember to put shoes in my car. I love this song! Of course it’s over. I always catch the end of my favorite songs on the radio. Radios seem so old-fashioned. When the kids get in the car, Cailyn will turn the station to some horrible pop music. Music today sucks. Well, I like that one song. I’ll have to listen to it when I get back home. With headphones on so the girls don’t think I actually like it of course. Why is this carpool lane so long? Why can’t some of these kids ride the bus home? I guess my kids could ride the bus. We only live two minutes from the school. I could just pick them up from the bus stop instead of letting them walk home. If they walk home they’ll get run over, or abducted! Oh gosh, I’ll just keep picking them up from carpool. When will teleportation become a thing? I can’t believe that lady didn’t let me in! Doesn’t she know how carpool works? Oh, of course she’s on her phone. So dangerous. Shoot! I forgot to call the pediatrician! Something else I have to remember when I get home. I should keep paper and a pen in the car. Except it’s dangerous to write while driving.

Why can’t I find a good song on the radio? Why don’t I have a CD in here that I could listen to? Who listens to CDs anymore? I feel old. I am old. Why am I so old? Where did the time go? Why are my kids growing up so fast? I’m so depressed. They’re going to leave me soon. Before I know it the nest will be empty. And then what?! I’ll be so bored. What if I feel like I have no purpose? Oh Lord, please make time slow down! Well, I guess it might be nice to be able to date my husband again! Ooo…we could travel! I want to go to Ireland. Or a tropical island. Or both. But, the kids would love those places! We need to plan a trip. Maybe Disney! No, we’ve been there before. But, soon they’ll be too old to enjoy it there. I’ll ask them when they get in the car. Of course, they’ll say yes! I can’t wait to go! But, maybe we should just go to the beach. Yum…seafood. Shoot! What should I make for dinner? They always want dinner! I have nothing in the house. Why can’t I plan shopping lists and dinner menus like every other mother on the planet? I suck. We’ll just have spaghetti. Again. Chay hates spaghetti. Well, she can just have cereal. What kind of mother lets her kid eat cereal for dinner? The kids will grow up and remember that I let them have cereal for dinner. They’ll probably need therapy. I need therapy! Because I had to ride the bus home from school. I hated the bus! They’re so dangerous! Why don’t they have seatbelts? Or an extra adult on board to make sure the kids behave? I’m glad my kids don’t ride the bus. But, this carpool lane! It takes forever! Well, at least I can enjoy some quiet time in the car and listen to the radio. Aw, yeah. I love this song…gonna turn it way up. Shoot! I wonder if everyone can hear the bass! I’m too old for the bass to be this loud. Better turn it down. When did I start to care whether people think I’m too old or not? I hate that! Who cares if I’m old and I like loud bass? I’m going to turn it up again! Nope. I’m embarrassed. Definitely too old. Look at all these people waiting in line and staring at their phones. What ever happened to looking out your window at the trees and the blue sky? Is it supposed to rain? I hope it rains. I haven’t watered my blueberry bushes in forever! They’re going to die! I paid so much money for them, and they’re going to die! How can I keep kids alive, but kill every plant I’ve ever owned? I promised the kids blueberries next summer. They’ll be so disappointed in me. I have to remember to water those bushes when I get home. What else was I supposed to remember when I got home? Call the pediatrician and listen to the crappy pop song. And water the blueberry bushes. Aw, there are my babies. They look so cute. They’re so fashionable! Wait, are the two little ones fighting? Already? They just got out of school! What could they possibly be arguing about? Geez. Oh no, they’re running over to me when they’re supposed to wait until I pull the car up right in front of them. The teachers are going to think I don’t discipline them! I suck. Are they seriously screaming at each other in public?! I can’t wait to drop them back off at school tomorrow morning.

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